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SimonHarlingBlog Posts

Speaker’s corner

Perhaps the biggest gift that action-based learning provides is the iteration of the common goal. Free speech is not only essential to that process. It is also part of the craft that is the learning process.

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Trying to be honest

I was struck this week by a leading coach repeatedly saying that he was “trying to be honest” with his players, media, and supporters.

And that got me thinking about how different stakeholders want different things, and what is right for one, is unlikely to be right for another – I’ll try to be as honest as I can.

This is where terms like “serving our customer’s interests”, “a commitment to excellence” and “our long-term vision” come in handy.

Playing it safe is not the same as creating a safe environment.

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Trust, clarity and ownership

It is not uncommon to hear of a lack of autonomy, frustration with middle management, and working conditions that inhibit rather than promote focus on the job at hand.

If that job at hand has:

A clear objective.

Tasks that are not simple or repetitive

Then it is possible to create self-directed teams who decide when and how to do the work.

The Buurtzorg model shows us that you can’t cure a person by sitting behind a desk or in a meeting room but you can create change when you strengthen relationships between those who promote and optimise health.

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For you

When something is “done for you”, it suggests that there is nothing left for you to do except show up, and in return, there may be a certain level of gratitude or recompense that goes with it. After all, it’s been done for “you”.

Sports coaching is a done-for-you endeavour. The distinction lies in understanding whether we coach for the athlete to perform or for the athlete to own what they do. Either way, we do it for you, although the approach we take is very different.

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Trying too hard

Some issues are simply too complex to be simplified.

Others we don’t simplify for fear of missing the complexity of the issue. I’ve nothing against the elite sport and its performance bandwagon; I’ve just grown tired of it. At the heart of physical training complexity lies the fear of missing out. David Brailsford penned its anthem “Marginal Gains.” 

Physical mastery, on the other hand, appears to require a stillness – simplification to get to the complexity of the matter.

“The best way to enjoy training, maintain freedom from injury, and keep your marbles without employing complex mathematical formulas for ever-changing lifting percentages is to simply stick with constant weights for long periods of time.” John McKean.

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Thoughts on reflection

Each time I look at my heart rate during a run, I have another data point to reflect on, in situ and post-event. I could just wait until the end of the run, or fly blind, log it, and move on. But I don’t; I keep looking:

What do I need to know?

What am I ready to change my mind on?

Where else could I put my attention?

I rarely look anymore; I let the trails decide – less noise, more signal.

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The problem with problems

If any of you are rugby fans you will know that Wales picked up their first wooden spoon in over 20 years. What will follow will be the usual knee-jerk reaction, invest more at the base of the pyramid -grassroots or spend more to inspire more at the elite level – people like success. And yet, as Boeing airplanes have recently found out, it’s not as simple as pointing the figure at what appears to be the problem.

The problem with the problem is that it’s rarely the problem, it’s just the thing you can see and point at and say – there’s the problem. That works when you have a stone in your shoe, but for most other things, it’s not that simple. Rarely is there any point looking for the solution in the same place you found the problem.

To be part of the solution not part of the problem, improve your answer to the question: What are you working on now? If you are a coach, who wants to change how we interact with each other, then you might like this.

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At the end of the rainbow

Plenty of people advocate for change and then provide the necessary support to enact it. If the cost of entry is high, it’s available to a few; if it’s low then it’s open to anyone. And yet, the most important numerator of them all might just be the value you gain.

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Coach education

We learn when we stick around, but if that’s the point, what have we learned?

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Design something better

What the makers of Boeing planes have shown us is that the product is not always the problem, although it can look that way; rather, it’s the environment that surrounds it.

If you have built an environment in which you can’t take a loss, build a better one because the one you have is fragile.

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This is not my final answer

The question: What are you working on? is seldom asked; we would prefer your final answer.

Despite the title, life is not a game show, we don’t need to accept your first answer as our final answer – even if you make a living out of giving a polished answer as a pundit, expert, or person of influence.

This is why I’ve designed CoachCamp – a place of practice. If you want to clarify what you are working on, you need a place where people accept your first answer not as your final answer but as a place to start.

If you are ready to listen, interact, and grow, then CoachCamp might just be the place for you.

P.S. We have just secured a venue, for our first gig, exciting times.

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The hard part?

What’s that? Not the list of challenges, like time and money, or even recognition – the bit that is really hard.

If we are honest, a lot of the time, it’s dealing with the struggle of it not quite working, which leads us to believe that if we just had more time, money, and people who like what we do, things would be different.

Sure, we have lots of challenges but they are not the hard part – that’s believing in what you do.

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Come as you are

Are you a coach in the Cardiff area looking for a fresh way to grow your skills and connect with other passionate coaching minds? I’m exploring interest in organising CoachCamp – an innovative “unconference” professional development event designed specifically for coaches.

What’s an Unconference? It’s a participant-driven experience where the agenda and discussions are created on the day by coaches just like you based on your interests. No pre-scheduled topics or speakers. Just open dialogue, real-world insights, and collaborative learning with your peers.

To make CoachCamp a reality, I need a small team of volunteers excited to help shape this non-profit endeavour aimed at elevating coaching abilities. I’m looking for a handful of individuals who each bring a unique perspective and skillset, such as:

  • Organizational/event planning abilities
  • Coaching experience across different sports
  • Community/volunteer leadership
  • Marketing/promotions expertise
  • Fundraising/sponsorship experience
  • …and a passion for coaching excellence!

If you’re based in Cardiff and would be interested in being part of the core CoachCamp team, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s come together and create an unconference experience that gives coaches the voice and professional development they deserve.

You can contact me here with a bit about your background, why you’re interested in CoachCamp, and how you could contribute. Looking forward to growing this innovative learning opportunity for our local coaching community!

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Be careful what you wish for

“Gazing up into the darkness, I saw myself as a creature driven and derided by vanity, and my eyes burned with anguish and anger.” James Joyce.

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Multiplier Effect

Seminars and training courses rely on the multiplier effect for return on investment – in short, the attendee comes off a course with new information, and that knowledge it is hoped, is transferred to others – thereby multiplying the effect.

And if that sounds like an assumption, it is, and a big one at that.

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Can anyone remember?

The Cognitive Domain of Bloom’s Taxonomy has six levels:

  1. Remember
  2. Understand
  3. Apply
  4. Analyze
  5. Evaluate
  6. Create

I’m currently learning Welsh using Duolingo, and it’s tempting to settle into a routine of remembering and understanding words. After all, that’s learning, right? Recall and recognition are the low-hanging fruit, but for higher learning, break it down, build it up, and see if it works better.

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The power of the post-it note.

Ever left a post-it note on a bottle of beer in a student fridge?

What about on your desk at work with a to-do list written on it?

Or perhaps, as a way to capture the mood and desires of the room at a meeting or event?

A tool of persuasion and engagement, but only a tool; the rest is up to you.

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While I worry

Yesterday, we discovered that our youngest won’t be attending the same senior school as her sister, which was tough.

Yet, while I worried, she was blissfully unaware of the news and having a fine time.

I’ve chosen to worry about her missing her friends, whereas you might be concerned about her making new friends or managing the logistics of having two kids in different schools.

Much like interpreting a passage from a book, or a scene from a film, we each see it differently.

And that’s a gift, a curse, or what makes it work.

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For my network

Do I have anyone in my network who has built a curated community using discourse?

Specifically, I am looking to launch a 90-day sprint focused on professional development and peer learning. My idea includes:

1 prompt per week on a leadership/growth topic

1 written assignment per person around the weekly prompt

Opportunities for a small group (10 people initially) to provide feedback on each other’s assignments

1 group video chat per week to discuss insights

If you have created something similar or have any advice on best practices, lessons learned, or pitfalls to avoid with building an engaging Discourse community, I would greatly appreciate your insights.

You can find me here

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Watch and learn

My youngest wanted to show me how well she could make her bed.

“Did I want her to show me, on mine?” “Okay” “Watch and learn, Daddy.”

I learned that my daughter can make a bed better than me.

I also learned that “watch, learn, and then do,” is a more useful phrase.

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Working on a conveyor belt

My heart sinks every time I hear this from a Strength and Conditioning Coach.

“My job is to make the next person’s job easier.”

When actually it’s much more likely to mean “I want the next coach to think I know what I’m doing.”

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Soul Food

Last week I made a list of things I would tell my 12-year-old self if I ever met him again – things that I wouldn’t believe to be true:

For example:

You went traveling and spent time in Fiji, Cook Island, Indonesia, Thailand, and Singapore.

You started a business.

You wrote a book.

You get the idea – food for the soul. What’s next?

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Always learning

Crossfit is an education company, a fitness brand, and an events company with an annual income of over $100 million. The “Crossfit” way of doing things is clear. And if you want to follow their way, you follow their methods – that’s what you pay for.

Compliance is at the heart of most coach education, you pay to jump the hurdle, not to be part of the gang.

If we are serious about improving coach education removing compliance might just be the best way to ensure that those you are working with are always learning and not just along for the ride.

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Overnight success

We have grown up expecting cause and effect – getting something for our efforts.

When we don’t, and of course, there are lots of times when we won’t because learning is nonlinear – we give up before the rewards.

Even if it feels random since we don’t get rewards on demands, it’s not, it’s nonlinear – learn to stay in the game if you want overnight success.

Fooled by randomness

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Asking for a friend

They say you should never judge a book by its cover. Instead, read the description at the back of the book, or, much more likely, pay attention to what the famous guy said about it.

Since I don’t have a quote from anyone famous just yet, here is the back of the book. If this is a book that you would like to read, click the subscribe link (either at the side of this blog or when you click the burger), and when it’s ready, I’ll be sure to let you know.

Good Coach Bad Coach; A manifesto for the Athletic Entrepreneur

To be a good coach you need

Knowledge (Crossed out)

Experience (Crossed out)

Qualifications (Crossed out)

Leadership (BOLD)

An inspiring book about coaching, leadership, and creative freedom. 

When Simon opened Elite Fitness, the perfect platform for a prestigious coach, he thought he had everything a good coach needs; a purpose-built 10,000 sq ft facility, qualifications, elite athlete endorsements, and years of pro sports experience.

But, when the commercial pressure begins to blur the lines between business and coaching Simon fails to choose to be good at either, and the venture fails.

It is through the manifestation of a coaching philosophy that Simon learns about himself, what he thinks coaching is for, and what it takes to build a place of practice – a place where you belong. 

Coaching has the power to change our relationship with success and failure – and that changes what we do. 

Good Coach Bad Coach is not a book for coaches who want to be somebody, but for coaches who want to do something.

I’d love to hear what you think, you can find me here.

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Everyone’s a coach

We have coaches for life, work, sports, individuals, groups, fitness, learning, education, parenting, strength and conditioning, and leadership – have I missed anyone out?

The world has never given us more opportunities to tell someone what to do while earning money.

Of course, that has more to do with power dynamics than it does with coaching, so don’t be angry with the tool, challenge the person using it.

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Imperfect choices

The technical department wants age group children to play on a particular size pitch thanks to the data.

The development department wants more 3G pitches because games are being called off due to waterlogged pitches.

The league administrators want to play by the rules.

The coaches and team managers want their teams to represent their club, and to do that, they need to play matches.

And the kids? Well, they just want to play football.

When logic and reason walk into the room, reality walks out, and the reality is that kids are losing out.

Tx Paul Poresi

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I’ll hum it, you sing it

In trying to sum up my role as a football coach today, I felt akin to a conductor who selects a piece of music but entrusts the musicians to decide how to play it.

I’ll leave you with this from Ben Zander; The conductor of an orchestra doesn’t make a sound. He depends, for his power, on his ability to make other people powerful.

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We asked a 100 people

When designing something you want to be successful, it’s tempting to ask people what they think. If they like it, they will buy it, right? Maybe.

Watch what people do, not what they say – ask for commitment, not opinions.

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What’s on your mind?

While asking for feedback on a piece I wrote recently, I got a reply that asked what kind of feedback I wanted and what I wanted to achieve with the piece. Reasonable questions.

I so wanted to reply with answers.

But that was on my mind, not the reviewers – I wanted to hear what they had to say.

I simply replied: What’s on your mind?

It struck me just how difficult it is to keep your mind clear to receive feedback.

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Teaching for tangibles

What are your course takeaways? What actionable take-homes are available to your students? What do they get that the others don’t?

Today I received an email about a course on writing a manifesto.

Phil Knight of Nike fame did it. So, to the futurists, I’ve even written for the Athletic Entrepreneur. If you want to boldly state what future success might look like, then write a manifesto.

But, here in lies the trap.

Anyone who ever wrote a manifesto didn’t do it on a course; no one taught them how to feel, what to feel, or even how to write a manifesto. They simply wrote.

We are taught to teach for tangibles, for outcomes, for something that differentiates you from the crowd. But that gets in the way of what is really going on. Maybe you are learning to express yourself, perhaps testing your idea, or hoping that someone else thinks just like you. Whatever it is, being able to rip it up and start again is at the heart of writing a manifesto.

If you need something to show for it, it might just be for show.

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The Coaching Habit

Ask a question, listen, and acknowledge the answer – repeat. That’s it. Simple but not easy.

And remember, you don’t need a backstory if you do not plan to save them.

Tx Michael Bungay Stanier

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Comparing notes

There is a great line from the comedian Ian Stone when talking about opinions.

“All my opinions are just opinions that I have heard.”

Like a kid who has not done their homework, when it comes to handing in time, any answer feels like the right answer.

What’s your opinion?

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Defence

No, I have a better idea.

No, let’s talk about something else.

No, you have got that wrong. 

No, I’m not interested.

“No” creates boundaries, while a “Yes” can create possibility; you need both.

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Let the project teach you

What does that even mean?

Aside from overcoming resistance to begin, it’s about putting one foot in front of the other and not waiting until you are better qualified, more confident and have permission. It is about trusting that along the way you will find a way to make the next step.

Not a bad place to start, don’t you think?

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I want that one

If you manage, coach, or parent small people, then you will know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a request. And chances are you want something too. The question is not what you want, as that’s pretty clear; it is what YOU are actively doing about it.

Here are a few prompts to check if you are interested or committed:

List 5 things you are doing currently to get what you want.

List 5 things that you could do to improve your chances of getting what you want

List 5 things that, if stopped, would improve your chances of getting what you want.

Now describe the smallest step you can make towards what you want.

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Creative freedom

The ability to express one’s self without restraints or limitations.

Doing whatever you want to do is the freedom to move the goalposts whenever and wherever you want. That’s less about being creative with your resources and more about doing whatever the f**ck you want.

To my mind, creative freedom is the ability to do what you say you will do. Doing what you say you will do requires a range of skills to complete the task and an environment that affords you the opportunity.

That’s less about creative freedom and more about finding freedom with the constraints you find yourself under.

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Feed the mistake

Really?

Absolutely. Get back on the horse. Ask for the ball again even though the last time you lost possession.

Why? Because it’s unlikely that the horse will react in the same way, or you will lose possession in exactly the same manner. So, you are not repeating the mistake, if that’s what you are worried about.

Go again.

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Balance

There’s the work-life balance, balancing input with output, and of course, the balance that allows us to walk along a scaffolding pipe without falling off.

One of my favourite quotes on balance from Keith Johnson’s writing in the book Improv:

“There are people who prefer to say “Yes” and there are people who prefer to say “No.” Those who say “Yes” are rewarded by the adventures they have and those who say “No” are rewarded by the safety they attain. There are far more “No” sayers around than “Yes” sayers, but you can train one type to behave like the other.”

If you have spent your life colouring within the lines, just maybe, it’s time to take a blank sheet of paper and trust yourself to create.

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Harry Potter needs Lord Voldermort

And Lord Voldemort needs Harry Potter.

Without Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter is just a kid who goes to school. Okay, he did magic and we did science, but you get my point. 

Creating a narrative is helpful and hopeful, but for it to work, we need to accept both sides of the story. Don’t hide the bad, and show the good; you need both. Bring your full self.

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What was useful from my conversations last week

What is urgent feels important but what is important is not always seen as urgent. How you differentiate the two is a skill that takes practice. Look for tasks in which you have a low competency, the chances are, you will find important right there.

Proof of concept is not as much fun as hope but much more useful.

Thinking about your conversations last week. What was most useful for you?

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Does anyone buy anything in an elevator?

Maybe, but it’s unlikely. Much more likely is that you have practiced selling your idea in 30 seconds or less. A way of getting clear on exactly what you do in 25 words or less.

We exist because…..

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Eat the Elephant

The “Eat the Elephant” Wattbike workout is forty minutes long: Nine and a half minutes warm-up, followed by a consistent, effort for thirty minutes – no change of cadence or effort, just eat the elephant.

A bit of fuss at the start, a long slog, and then it’s time to down tools and clock off – the warm-down is only thirty seconds long.

If, like me, you overestimate what can be done in a day and underestimate what can be done in 90 days, then stopping to reflect on just how you have done in 90 days is helpful. Telling yourself you haven’t done enough every day, not so much.

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Does it work?

The thing you are working on

And if so, how do you know?

Who does it work for?

How and when does it work for them?

I spend a lot of time talking to coaches. Some want more clients, others want to connect to improve their chances of getting a better job but few talk to me about how they can improve what they do.

Proof of concept is not an inconvenience before you scale, or work for a bigger or better club, it’s your right of passage as a coach.

So does it work?

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Resilence

“Don’t stop when you are tired, stop when you are done” is a mantra for the resilient.

But what if “Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done” was a reminder to decide when to quit, not a judgment on why you quit?

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When you don’t know the answer

If we struggle to know what to put on the exam paper, we’re taught to slow down and reread the question.

However, in life, it’s not quite that simple. We may have an opinion or believe that we know the answer, but do we really know the question?

A family situation is frustrating a friend of mine. To him, the answer appears clear, but the same could be said for the other members of his family – they all believe they know the answer. So, what’s the real question?

The truth is, they don’t know, and that’s because it’s difficult – as many family feuds are – and no one really wants to talk about it.

Recently, Steve Hansen, the Kiwi rugby coach, selected and coached a World XV team. As part of his selection, he picked Isreal Folau. The issues were clear, and so too was Hansen’s approach. Instead of seeking to defend or condone Folau’s actions, he drew attention to the question:

Pick the best XV rugby players in the world and then coach them to win.

That’s it. Leadership is about finding a way forward, and that begins with understanding the question that you are answering because one thing you can be sure of is those you lead all think they know the answer.

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What’s on offer?

I’ve been the subject of a few clumsy sales calls recently. Interest in a product or service is not the same as being ready to buy. To avoid jumping forward here is a question that might help take a step back.

If you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?

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Hope and Fear

If hope propels us forward and fear holds us back then we should be wary, but not weary of both.

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Cookie Jar (Update)

As a family, since I last wrote about the cookie jar we’ve taken to sitting with our journals each week and dropping notes of the things that we are proud of or want to remind ourselves about.

This week, we emptied the jar ready for the year ahead and made a scrapbook containing all the entries from last year.

Here are some entries:

“Sailing for the first time. I was scared but I did it anyway.”

” I hurt my finger in gym but did gym anyways. I’m really happy.”

“Front flip for the first time on my own.”

It struck me as a great way to track what we were working on, where it all began, and how we got on.

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The first problem

The first problem is unlikely to be the real issue, much like a writer offers the resolution before successfully outlining the problem space. Being clear about what we are thinking is harder than talking about what we did or didn’t do.

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What else?

Proof of concept requires you to ask others for help. Asking for help is not always easy, but if done well, it can benefit both parties.

Getting clear on the following helps:

What are you looking for?

What type of help do you want?

What does success look like?

What’s your focus?

What are your strengths?

What are your gaps?

What are you expecting?

Learn to ask for what you want. It’s helpful. Besides the potential upside for the helper is new stuff; information, connection, and maybe something that works.

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Remebering where you came from

Julian Mc Donald the famous designer doesn’t have a dress shop on Merthyr High Street.

Jude Bellingham doesn’t go home to the West Midlands for a kickabout on a Sunday.

Tom Jones will be in Vagas not the working men’s clubs of Wales’.

But rather than wishing that Merthyr was more like Paris, wouldn’t it be better to make it more like Merthyr?

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Clowning about

A PE lesson is no time to clown about. Teamwork makes the dream work not comedy capers.

However, teamwork is an illusion, if the people on the team are not in agreement.

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Proof of concept

The working title for my next writing project is “Gym Rules”.

I’ve started with an easy one. Do let me know what you think:

All starting points are equally valid:

Walking into a gym for the first time can be daunting, especially if you don’t know where to start. 

If any or all of the items listed below are running through your head, pick one and begin: 

Moving more

Moving further 

Moving faster

Lifting more 

Posture

Mobility 

Accountability 

Resilience

Mindset

Showing up

Organising your week

Meal planning

Organising your life

The next time a coach asks you. What would you like coaching on today? Accept the first thing that comes to your mind, begin, and continue doing what comes next. 

Pretty soon, you will have a much better idea of the order that you want to put things in, but to get started deal with what’s in front of you.

Maxim from Improv Wisdom

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Upfront

By sweeping into the assembly wearing his robes, my old school headmaster earned himself the nickname “Batman.”

Batman, unlike many superheroes, possesses no superpowers – only intellect, guile, and admittedly, a nice pad if mansions and a Batcave are your thing.

Upfront is not always about who’s in charge, or attention; sometimes it’s about presence, intent, and grace.

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Motivation over metrics

Aiming to write 500 words a day is unlikely to afford you the same success as Stephen King, in fact, it might even put you off a career as a writer.

I know I tried. When I started out writing, I even googled “How many words does Stephen King write a day?”

Can I write 500 words a day? Sure. Will they be any good? Maybe.

With nothing to aim for we can feel aimless but aimless might just be better than clueless. Better questions give us better answers.

What’s on your mind?

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What changes when the badge changes?

It is not uncommon for a Strength and Conditioning Coach to work across sports. A coach I was speaking to recently changed how he behaved based on the sport.

Poorly behaved rugby players did laps while football players got a telling-off.

What do you coach: The sport, the player, or the culture?

Of course, we coach within the culture we find ourselves. The average rugby player runs 6-7 km in a match, while the average footballer runs 10-11km. Regardless, a 14-year remains a 14-year whatever jersey they wear.

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Shoulda Woulda Coulda

What might have been, what could have been, or even what was but is no longer; the desire to be someone.

If you would rather do something, focus on how things are now, or how they could be in the future.

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Chief cook and bottlewasher.

I spoke to a friend of mine last week who now sees himself as a facilitator, not a coach.

It went something like this: Too many kids in a small space. Very few of the kids want to learn a skill anyway, and besides “the game is the teacher.”

I get it and maybe you do too.

A facilitator assumes a neutral role, managing group dynamics to meet specified goals and outcomes. In contrast, a babysitter is in charge of the safety of the child in their care, and manages behaviour, often to make their lives easier.

What role do you play?

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What stands out?

I’ve tried to steer clear of the “new you, new year’ stuff, but I can’t help but wonder if it crept into my psyche anyway.

Last week I wrote blogs titled: consistency, accountability, and old dog new tricks.

If you want to change what you do, first take a look at what you pay attention to. Here are a few questions that might help:

When you think back over the past week, what thoughts, feelings, or experiences stood out for you? What captured your attention?

What pulls your focus when you’re trying to concentrate on work/a project? What tends to distract you?

What information or input do you tend to zoom in on during conversations? What details stand out?

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Consistency

Acting coherently and predictably is to be consistent. But, is consistently trawling social media for new drills and exercises likely to produce a coherent and predictable practice? Unlikely.

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Who is going to hold you accountable?

I know strength and conditioning coaches who don’t have anyone review their programs, surgeons who go about their work unquestioned, and managers who continue their work unchallenged.

I’ve no idea if we are too busy, too scared, or if it’s just too difficult to assess, but I do know the word “profession” comes from the Latin word “professus”, which means “affirmed publicly.” We can wait, blame it on others, or find those who will affirm us and hold us accountable.

Not just once when we pass the exam but throughout our professional service.

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It’s so tempting to give people the answers

I’ve just finished writing up a workbook for coaches that will be ready in due course. It was so hard to finish because I wanted to give the answers. I wanted so badly for a coach to be able to have something tangible at the end of it all.

But that was not the point. The point was to feel prickly and provoked yet inspired.

I didn’t want them to feel like they had finished; I wanted them to feel they had just begun.

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Old dog new tricks

It’s tempting to think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But you can, and you should, it’s a lot of fun. Start with what you can do.

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How hard can it be?

Man has been arrogant of his own ability for some time.

Donella Meadows kindly offers this explanation: “We exaggerated our own ability to change the world. We did so not with any intent to deceive others, but in the expression of our own expectations and hopes.”

If that’s true, then provided we do the work to understand the situation we are in trust remains; if not, giving 110% effort might seem like the only way out.

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Three hundred and sixty five days

Happy New Year to you!

The kids have a calendar with daily quotes from powerful women for Christmas.

Today’s quote is from Diana Ross: “Instead of looking at the past, I put myself ahead twenty years and try to look at what I need to do now in order to get there then. You can’t just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream. You’ve got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.”

I get it; it’s helpful to look ahead and dream the big dream because today might just be one of those shitty days you would rather forget.

I’ve spent nearly 3 years rehabbing a torn knee cartilage rather than having surgery. I set myself a goal of running around Vic Park, Cardiff, as a Christmas gift to myself. And I bloody did it, well sort of – I pulled my calf, 3/4 of the way around.

The truth is, sometimes today is ugly. Here’s to your health, happiness, and fighting dirty each and every day.

P.S. You can follow my efforts on Strava. My dream this year is to run the same beach I ran as a kid. Only this time, I’m running it with my nephew, Rhys, and if that doesn’t drag me around, I don’t know what will.

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Voluntarily

Willing, able, and without expectation – this is the code of the volunteer.

Two of the positions I took up this year fulfilled the brief.

Contributor for the Ysgol Gymraeg Melin Grufydd Bike Bus.

Volunteer Coach with Llandaff Cricket Club.

However, the age group coach with Crocs Cymru didn’t, as my youngest plays for the team.

The Nolan Principles of Public Life, suggests we declare and resolve conflicts of interest. With £430 million in volunteering hours coming into Wales each year, I’m still of the opinion that coaching your own kids is a conflict of interest that needs resolving.

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Form is temporary

The saying “Form is temporary, class is permanent” attributed to the legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankly, suggests that, in the end, the better team prevails.

But what if “class” were not about winning or losing, but rather about how you go about your business? Each project, ephemeral in nature defines a moment, not a lifetime.

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In the moment

Working with what we have, we become the artist; we create

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Ambience and service

Many of us will be out and about this Christmas with family and friends. Perhaps we will be at a friend’s house, with the family, or maybe at a restaurant recommended by others.

In what order would you place:

Food

Service

Ambience

For the 3-star Michelin star chef Marco Pierre White, the order is clear; ambience, service, and then food. So, often we choose to get good at the task, but the task is rarely ever the point. The point, as Marco Pierre White has learnt, is to create expectations and then match them with delivery. 

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Counting the cost

I once paid £14,000 for a website I never launched. If you add up the countless hours I spent messing around with it, the cost becomes clearer.

But often it’s not the cost that counts, it’s the burden that we feel.

Count the cost if it makes you feel better, but, likely, it won’t.

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Don’t hold back

“Tell me what you really think.”

Fear, anger, anxiety, the need to fill the space, and have our say.

Sometimes coaching is not in what we say but in what we hold back.

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Why do you do what you do?

Typically multi-disciplinary teams that support athletes have a head coach. Each head coach has their own ideas about what works and what doesn’t. This makes working for a head coach, a lottery.

By definition, a lottery is a low-chance, high-risk approach. Not what you want to hear when it’s your job on the line. But, it’s important to understand, because you don’t want to all of a sudden be in a place you don’t belong.

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You got what it takes

Even if it’s not true, it’s helpful.

It’s helpful because we fall for predetermined outcomes. For example, tomorrow’s meeting is going to be hard work, this project is going to be a success, and this student will never get an A+.

You get the idea.

The first rule of coaching is to believe that the person in front of you has got what it takes. It might not be true, yet, but it is helpful.

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What are the odds?

How do you rate your chances of being successful?

How do you rate your chances of doing something helpful, useful, or generous today?

The chances are one will lead to the other.

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Shrek

When Shrek emerges from the swamp, he doesn’t know that he is done with hiding or that he will soon be a reluctant hero. But, what he does know is that people won’t leave him alone. Frustration is often present at the start of the journey, but if you are on the right path, it shouldn’t be the default setting.

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Word salads

Aim to make a damn fine green salad that even those who are not keen on salad might enjoy, or put out a bowl of salad in the hope that some of it will be eaten. The choice is yours.

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What are you working on?

It’s tempting to imagine that whatever you’re working on, is the most important task (MIT).

If you don’t sit at your desk each day to write, then your book won’t ship anytime soon.

Getting the software out of development and into the market is crucial to recoup upfront costs.

However, that’s the task, not the point. Easy to forget when you’re getting it right. But, “right” might not be nearly as helpful as useful.

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Knowing what must be done

I have two family members who are undergoing elective surgery, before Christmas.

Elective surgery is not an option but a choice.

Often we push back thinking it’s optional but more often it’s a choice we don’t want to face.

Courage is facing up to things we know must be done.

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Don’t prepare, just show up

Strength coaches find it hard to justify planning in detail. It’s hard to predict how an athlete will respond to training stimuli in the next few weeks let alone in 6 months. It’s tempting to rock up and see what happens.

What to do?

Lock in what you know; it’s probably more than you think.

Predict what you think you know; likely to be less than you think.

And for the rest agree in principle how you want to show up for each other.

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What do you do?

Not the boring stuff that’s on the job description or the answer you give at a party but the nature of what you do.

Today I sat with a group of coaches, who turn what they know, into what they teach. They are part of the knowledge economy. I couldn’t help wondering if that’s really the nature of what they do.

Here are a few questions to help:

What is the nature or essence of being a coach?

What does it mean to be a coach?

Define the concept of being a coach?

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The rule of thirds

If you are writing a book, chasing a difficult goal, or simply trying to make sense of what is going on, the rule of thirds is helpful.

Nothing goes well all the time; sometimes you will be happy with the progress, other times just okay, and for the rest of it, you will be sitting in a fog. If the balance between all three states is about equal, then the law of thirds reminds us that’s ok, much like Goldilocks porridge.

Tx Alexi Pappas

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Check in and check out

Taking stock when emotions are high is not always easy. People deal with difficulty in different ways. Taking stock is a smart way to approach a difficult problem.

Following difficult situations and unexpected outcomes, check in with the people involved, and then when the dust has settled check out what happened, what was learned, and what could have been different.

Above all else, be kind.

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You are not you when you are hangry

In fact, you are not yourself when your favourite team loses, when somebody accidentally pushes a trolley into the back of your leg, or when someone cuts you up in traffic.

With so many more stimuli present in our environments, the gap between stimuli and response has never been so important – you might find yourself being “you” fewer times than you would like to think.

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When the fines don’t work

When Michael Jordan wore his red Nike trainers, not the regulation white everyone else wore, the NBA issued a $5,000 fine per game. Nike didn’t care. The maths was simple: if the fans didn’t care, then the NBA’s fury would be dwarfed by the sale of Air Jordan trainers. The gamble paid off, and to date, sales of Air Jordans trainers, are in the billions of dollars.

Today, in the UK, the fine for pumping raw sewage into our rivers and seas is in the millions of pounds. And yet, the practice continues. Why? Because the maths still adds up; if it didn’t they would stop.

Nike gambled on people caring more about their trainers than they did about the NBA’s rules, and they were right. Perhaps the answer to the infrastructure problems we are experiencing in the UK is that we need to care more, not rely on market value and fines.

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Pro’s and Con’s

If you don’t know the arguments for the unfavourable in your approach, as well as you do the favourable, you don’t have an approach, you have blind faith.

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Big BIg BIG

The first time you take your bearings, you are only off a fraction and that doesn’t matter so much. But the second time you look up, you are so far off that the territory is no longer the map.

We can set off with a big fanfare and a big vision, or can we start small with an intention, a few principles, and some behaviours.

The desire to be someone is so strong, so strong, in fact, it’s a distraction.

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When did it all change?

Was it the big upfront presentation, the brochure outlining the new way forward, or maybe it was when you were seen, heard, and spoke up for the first time?

Our “desire” to be a cohesive unit often leads us to the idea of being led, with those who lead standing at the front with a glossy brochure.

But, perhaps starting with a group that has experienced being seen, heard, and spoken up is the quickest way to find out where people want to go and if they want to go with you.

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Current CPD

I am currently working through two self-paced courses

Graydin Coaching

Zac Cupples

And reading two books.

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

The Little Black Book of Training Wisdom by Dan Cleather

I’d say total time learning is no greater than three hours a week, one chapter a week on the books, and one section of self-paced learning.

Blogs, book notes, and leadership directives help me play with the ideas I’m working with.

I don’t think it matters how you do it, but it’s nice to make the time to do it.

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Working in the shadows

Jon Oliver recently ripped into the consultancy firm McKinsey asking for greater visibility and accountability. No skin in the game.

If you went to a good university, like money, and are risk averse, perhaps you should consider becoming a consultant.

On the other hand, if you are curious, believe that the world doesn’t need you but could use your confidence in others, become a coach.

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What is it like where you are?

A principle is an unarguable truth. For example, the body is sensory; act accordingly.  And yet.

We care more about how much you can lift or how far or fast you ran yesterday than we do if you are stressed out, eating poorly, and not getting much sleep.

It’s only a principle if it costs us, and usually, that cost is the time to stop, look, and listen.

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Pick and mix

Allows you to pick and choose what you want. The upside for the retailer aside from self-service, is that large amounts of product can be moved easily. Selling one chocolate bar at a time can be a slow business.

Of course, the upside of only selling one chocolate bar at a time is you quickly learn if you know your chocolate and your customer.

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Note well

NB: please pay attention to this next point.

As coaches, it’s tempting to think that what you have noticed is the thing that needs correcting.

“We shall see.”

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What is my coaching for?

I’m learning to live with other people, and coaching helps me with that. 

Coaching helps me to shut up and listen.

Coaching helps me to silence my judgements while others talk.

Coaching helps me to not think about the next thing I want to say.

Coaching helps me to understand what the other person wants and then ask what they really need. 

When I am at my best as a coach, it is when I am working with people with intent –  people who bring energy, they have something they are working on, and they need my help. 

Coaching helps others get clear on what is really important to them. Not what they feel they have to do, but what they really want to do. 

Coaches ask questions like: What are you working on? What do you really care about? What are you interested in?

Answers can be dull at first, but not with practice. Soon, with practice, we drop the things we really don’t want and begin to get curious about the things that we might do instead. That’s why the idea of coaching in sports and physical education is so exciting to me. 

Because I don’t think I’m the only person who struggles to do their best work when the people they are working with wish they were doing something else, somewhere else.

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Peter Perfect

I’m back coaching kids football and my first session is Tuesday.

I instantly fell into the trap of trying to figure out how to plan my perfect session. And then I remembered Peter Perfect the strong but vain racer in the Wacky races. The moment he praised his car it fell apart.

Sound familiar?

Best I start thinking about what I don’t want.

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What do you mean?

I’ve noticed that recently, I have more people in my life who ask me this question.

And that’s a good thing. In fact, it’s a great thing because they seek to understand.

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The real point of practice

The point of practicing is to establish what you don’t want:

An editor’s review of the draft of your book will leave you in no doubt that much of it has to go; the rest you can keep.

Too much speed into a bend, and you lose time in your practice lap.

Lose your balance looking for an edge and you might look silly in the warm-up.

But when you find what you do want, that’s the practice you can keep.

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What’s the value?

In a market, you find a way to pay what you think it costs, but the price of helping out on a bike bus on a Friday morning? That’s less clear.

Social value explains why your boss can’t get you to write an email past 5pm, but you think nothing of helping out at the local sports club.

Some things are worth more when you can’t put a value on them.

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