I can’t tell you how to distinguish between the trap of “Tell me what you want, and I’ll do my best to convince you that what you need is something else,” and asking the question for you to get clear on what you want.
However, I can tell you that while both are intentional, one has its roots in design, and the other in desire.
For example; if I can write for 3 hours a day, train for an hour, and cook dinner for the family, then asking “What do you want?” for a coaching client is important but not hard. The hard work lies in creating the freedom to ask that question without needing to hear a particular answer.