SimonHarlingBlog Posts

Organise your coaching around the rights of the child and it’s clear that the guiding principle of child-centric coaching is humility. 

Ever wondered why the customer is always right? 

It’s a simple enough rule. If you try to convince them otherwise, they are unlikely to remain your customer.

So where does that leave the coach?

Fire yourself. You don’t have to coach kids. Maybe it’s better that you don’t.

Give people the choice not to choose you. Make it clear who you serve, what you do, and how you do it.

Just don’t make promises you can’t keep. 

And if you need help making it clear this is a great place to start.

25 years of working with sports coaches who want their kids to pick up skills that help them win.

25 years of being assertive about the importance of fundamental movement skills and not winning the argument. Instead, wearing compromise, frustration, and failure.

But this time it’s different.

Ask any coach what they struggle with and they will tell you one of three things.

Lack of contact time.

Lack of money and resources.

Player buy-in and adherence (compliance).

Ask a coach what they need and they will tell you a mentor (what they actually want is someone to tell them they are right). But for now, stubbornness will do.

Sport-specific coaches don’t develop fundamental movement skills in their athletes because they don’t have the time.

Sport-specific coaches don’t develop fundamental movement skills in their athletes because they don’t have the resources.

Sport-specific coaches don’t develop fundamental movement skills because the kids want to play [insert sport] not train.

Coaches are stubborn.

I thought I was right. I wanted kids to be athletic and THEN play sports. If I argued for long enough I got 20 minutes at the start of a session.

But, sport-specific coaches were and are right. There is little time to prepare kids. We don’t have enough of the right kit and kids like to have fun. Playing sport is fun. Press-ups are not.

Big ideas need 3 things.

A narrative change.

Some data to back up the start we are selling ourselves.

And a to-do list. A new way of doing things,

What’s exciting about this new opportunity is there is no narrative change and no need for more data. This opportunity is about how we use our time.

In football, Funino, a small-sided football gives kids more touches of a ball, more decisions to make, and more movement in a 7-minute period when compared to technical drills or large-sided games typically used by a coach. Sport-specific coaches can deliver sessions in less time.

Is the change worth it? Yes. More in less time. What’s not to like?

What changed?

I made the jump. I was wrong and sport-specific coaches were right. So while I wait in line to get picked, for a grant for more money to buy kit, get a better pitch, and more resources. I’ll follow the guidelines and make my games small-sided.

And I’ll make better use of my time. Since I have now given the kids more touches of the ball, more decisions, and more time using sports-specific movements. I can use my spare time to teach them how to sprint, jump, throw, catch and chase.

You don’t need a big idea. Instead. Meet people where they are. Give them what they already have and something they don’t.

You might enjoy this. Kit was from parents bringing in hula hoops, one small goal, and a stack of tennis balls.

I was lucky enough to spend an hour with Prof Matthias Lochmann talking about the changes that the German Football Federation has made to youth football in their country, You can catch it here.

Here is the link to a Funino resource mentioned in the chat.

Matthias has spoken on a number of other podcasts, I particularly enjoyed this one from John O Sullivan at Changing The Game Podcast.

And if you would like to know more about Matthias’ work or get in contact you can find his details here.

I hope you enjoy my chat with Prof Matthias Lonchmann as much as I did. And as always you can get in contact with me here

A friend of mine runs a trail running company and we talked about her ideas to grow her business. 

A forum and membership were one option on the table. 

“What do you want to do with your time?” I asked

I can tell you what wasn’t an option. Being desk-bound. 

Spending most of your day answering queries, managing membership, and keeping your audience entertained is not much fun. When you love the outdoors, running trails is.

The upshot? 

It helps to be clear on what you want and what you need. Wanting to spend your time on the trails is not the same as the need to make money.

I know plenty of people who think their happiness is exclusively out on the trails, on the road, or in the gym. But that is not true. The happiest people have balance. Go find yours.

The challenge is to think and act like the underdog. Not to accept dominance but to challenge it, often and with conviction. Like your life depends on it.

David and Goliath.

Yesterday I watched as a mother and father threw a baseball over twenty times at their kid holding a bat. Each time it was a swing and a miss.

As I walked away I wondered how many times within the next 10,000 hours would that kid swing and miss in the pursuit of mastery.

Want it bad enough and you persist. But you might not want it that bad. 

Here is what might feel like a shortcut. 

Can. Can. Can’t. Can.

I can skip.

I can hop.

I can’t repeatedly hop through a series of hula hoops placed on the ground.

But I can hop repeatedly on the spot. 

Not a shortcut to mastery,  a cop-out, or taking it easy on your kid, just a method to help you meet kids where they are. 

Two strikes and your out. Or two strikes and you have a good idea where I am.

Focus on one thing until successful is good advice. To avoid overwhelm. When busy. 

With a poor track record for knocking things over. Making your next step more obvious, more attractive, easier to do, and more satisfying makes a lot of sense. 

This is why in age-group football aiming at two goals maybe better than one. 

The pitch has 4 goals. It’s obvious. 

The chances of success are higher. It’s attractive. 

There are more opportunities for every player to shoot. It’s easier.

 Kids love to score goals. It’s satisfying.

You can’t take a second step unless the first one is successful. Crawl. Walk. Run.

There is a rule in dry stone walling. Don’t go looking for a stone to fit a place, pick up the next stone and do not put it down until you find a place to use it.

No waiting for a better option. Or perfection. Just working with what you have to make something more beautiful and functional than the pile of rocks you are surrounded by. 

With no other option but to work with what they have. A dry stone waller learns to see which stones fit best. In time.  

Rather beautiful. Don’t you think?

Build your email list. Tell your story. Sell your products.

Tell your story to find the others. Share and test your ideas. Discover unique insights. 

One approach might make you rich the other will change how you do things.

As part of a journaling process, for longer than I should have. I wrote BE BOLD. BE BRAVE. CREATE LEADERSHIP and many other positive self-affirmations. Yet,  nothing changed. 

Aristotle wrote in the complete works volume 1, “We become just by the practice of just actions, self-controlled by exercising self-control, and courageous by performing acts of courage.”

Yet, doing was not the whole answer. 

I learned:

First, you need to decide what you are willing to commit to. Then bring it to life. Create a definition of what leadership, being bold, or being brave means to you. Paint only in primary colours.

Build constraints and be specific. Do this. Don’t do that.

Create a question to reflect on. 

What am I creating that demonstrates personal leadership?

The value of curating examples from my journal over 90days. You are looking to bring awareness to your actions. Don’t cherry-pick, positive and negatives examples are helpful. 

Writing affirmations might move us from passive to active.

But, unpacking our actions and thoughts to better understand what we mean might just be the activity of choice for a leader.

If courage is the mother and father of self-confidence.

Then sharing your coaching philosophy is not arrogant since you are not asking anyone else to follow it. 

But it might be courageous.

We shut down possibility.

A beginner’s mind asks you to get clear on the problem before you look at the tools that might solve the problem. 

The person who is reluctant to save £500 a month towards a pension, because they don’t have the money, they want to go on holiday and the kid’s fees need paying. 

Is the same person who is happy to accept they require a pension pot of £500,000 to provide a £3,000 a month income to pay the bills when they retire.

When we bypass today’s feelings, assumptions, and biases to take in possibility. We get the chance to start again. Only this time without the faulty thinking that holds us back.

At what point do you get to call yourself an athlete? Once you have completed a marathon, lifted 100kg off the floor, or completed your gym induction?

If I like running does that make me an endurance athlete? Polarized training is not optimal for endurance athletes.

If I don’t want to enter races do I even need to train like an athlete? 80:20 Training. Get fitter. Race faster.

It’s hard to know which tribe you belong to.

If you missed the real punchline from the first article. It’s this. First, know your reality. 

Check the difference between the training you think you are doing and the training that you are actually doing. 

Do the work of getting clear on the story you are telling yourself. Hold yourself up against the data and definitions you are using to reference where you think you are. 

That way you get to keep your definition since you are actively using it.

Here is a thank you to all the volunteer coaches, mums, dads, parents, and friends who give up their time to coach.

A look at the history and etymology of the word “amateur” and we can imagine it borrowed from the Latin amātor “lover, enthusiastic admirer, a devotee. 

The amateur coach gives up their time because they love what they do.

Because they want others to feel good too. After all, coaching is a mirror. We get what we reflect.

Thank you all for contributing.

“The only team I would coach would be a team of orphans”. The quote is taken from the Matheny Manifesto. Mike Mathey is an ex-professional baseball player and well-respected coach.

Parents are the biggest issue in sports. They simply get in the way. Rather than be a silent source of encouragement they are a distraction. Mike is not the only one, sporting governing bodies feel the same way.

I’m not going to disagree with the sentiment. But I am going to add much-needed context. And highlight what I think is one of society’s biggest opportunities. 

So here it is:

Kids should not focus on picking up sport-specific sports skills until they are at least 9 years old. Instead, kids should be focused on developing foundational movement skills.

Kids/parents need emotional maturity to handle the competition. Kids should not play sports in which they keep score until they are in senior school. 

Age group (9 -11 years old) coaches should use competition as a risk-reward tool, not as a method of ranking kids. 

So what’s the upside?

We all need an excuse to become more active. And it can start with stressed out, time-starved, and inactive parents.

Parents become the experts. The convenience of sport-specific youth experts is replaced by a simple recipe of throwing, catching, running, jumping, skipping, climbing, hopping, hitting, walking, kicking, balancing, falling, and rolling. And parents get to do it with their kids.

And the downside? 

It’s on us. Dropping kids off at little kickers would no longer be an option. Instead, parents become actively involved in helping their kids become active, healthy, and curious.

And after all of that. The increased connection. The creative process of play. And learning what it takes to master bodyweight control and movement. 

If you are prepared to forget it all and stand on the sidelines and shout and bawl your way through the introduction of competition to a 12-year-old kid. Then, you know what to expect. 

Teaching kids sport-specific skills and competition at such an early age sends the wrong signal. To both competitive sporty parents and to kids.

But there is a better way. A more flexible, empowering, and positive way for everyone. And that way is to begin by providing an example worth copying.

Set up a goal. Have a direction of travel. Give yourself something to aim for. 

Share your coaching principles. Create your definition of success. Lead on principles, not metrics. 

It’s possible to hold ourselves up to the standards we set and watch our progress. If we are ready to slow down and get the order right.

“If their eyes are shining then you are doing it.” Ben Zander. 

The conductor of an orchestra does not make a sound. Instead, they rely on their ability to make other people powerful. To awaken possibility in those around them.

The question becomes “Who am I being that my players’ eyes are not shining?”

The more shining eyes you have around you, the better.

Birds of a feather stick together. And that works. Ideas spread quickly within the group and communication feels easier, since everyone is on the same page. 

Until the ideas run out. Or ineffective, unhelpful behavioural habits are socially reinforced. 

Closed systems are just that, closed. No new information. No new ideas. 

Play football all year round in tournaments, leagues, and festivals and the chances are you are in a closed system. The name of the competition changes but not much else. Same faces, same decisions, same game. 

And that’s the challenge for sport. Diversity. New ideas worth spreading.

Kids want to play football. For the same reasons birds of a feather stick together. 

Kids need to pick up a wide range of movement skills. For the same reasons, new skills promote a diversity of options. 

Sport mirrors life.

Talk a good game. Or learn how to play a good game. The choice is yours.

Yesterday my eldest went to the Cardiff City open training day to get signatures of all the players. She managed one and cried all the way home. The day had not lived up to her expectations.

Good! A teachable moment and another long explanation from her father. Not so good!

Our expectations are not a great indicator of what might happen. We can guess, we can try to control, we can worry, but we can’t know for sure. 

I might have wanted to give my kid chocolate and condolences, but what I needed at that moment was emotional control because, in the absence of leadership, my eldest would have got what she wants not what she needed.

On reflection, yesterday was not a perfect day, but a good day. We both got what we needed not what we wanted.

On Sundays after the under 9 and 10’s football tournament. I always ask my kids the same question. Out of 5 how do you rate yourself today?

 “5” came the reply from my youngest. If you knew my youngest, that would not surprise you!

“One of the girls on the other team made it more fun for me because she made it more difficult for me, and so I played better.”

The follow-up question is always. “What would have made it a 5?” Or in the case of my youngest. “What would have made it your best 5 ever?”

My eldest said, “4, if I had scored, it would have been a 5.” 

The world is competitive. And one of the best ways to take action in a competitive world is to reduce the risk of getting it wrong. 

Low-risk actions allow us to discover, develop and test our ideas. The payoff, our reward, needs only to be a small win, to encourage us to keep going. Get it wrong and we can have the resources to go again. 

Ways to increase the risk include: 

Reduce the reward. 

Increase the complexity of the decision

Increase expectation 

Increase the resources required.

In a competitive world, competition helps us rank our efforts.

Competition can also help us make better decisions when used as a risk-reward tool. For example, for kids that are less confident in their decision-making, the argument for small-sided games, with multiple goals, that provide a greater number of opportunities to score, is hard to ignore.

It is on us to decide how we use competition. I know plenty of coaches who tell me their kids are competitive. I don’t know many who tell me that their kids make good decisions.

Often we wait for an expert to tell us what to do. It feels safer to wait for best practise. But that makes no sense. The world is already full of best practise.

What is way more useful, generous, and impactful is to find a way to turn best practise into standard practise.

That doesn’t require an expert that requires you.

Much of British Cycling success has been pinned to marginal gains. But that’s not true. The success of British Cycling started with one simple decision.

Find the fastest kids on bikes. Then keep them on bikes, until successful. 

When British Cycling started its talent development program they wanted to know who was quick on a bike. So, they gave everyone bikes and told them to race. The fast kids in each school came up against each other. And then the fastest within regions came together until it was clear who the fastest kids were. 

We make things complicated when we don’t want anyone else to know what we are doing. 

Simple is having the guts to do something. Watch what happens and then edit until successful.

When we all get medals the message is “it’s the taking part that counts”. 

When only the first three get medals then the message is “it’s not the taking part that counts”. 

And when you design a tournament to encourage participation and then hand out medals to the winners the message is confusing.

Question 1.

If an under 11-year-old rugby player can pass 5 meters sideways (they can’t but let’s keep it easy). 

And a rugby pitch is 70 meters wide (maximum width).

How many u 11-year-old rugby players does it take to pass a ball the width of a rugby pitch?

The answer. 14.

Question 2.

If an adult football pitch is divided up into 4 squares each allowing 14 ( 7 v 7) under 11’s players on each pitch. 

How many more children are playing football when compared to one game of 7 v 7 on an adult-sized pitch? 

The answer. 42.

Question 3.

If we assume that children make on average 3 times as many decisions on ¼ size football pitch compared to an adult size football pitch. 

How many more opportunities would be created to help children make decisions by playing on the ¼ size pitches? 

Answer. 126 times as many

Now you might be wondering. How come he has so much time to think about this?

Wed nights are usually football training. Over 50 girls ranging in age from u 7 to u 11’s get together and play. Last night the Chairman canceled training because of waterlogged pitches. I had the time.

So, I took a walk to watch the Urdd rugby festival that is supported by the WRU. 

Look through the lens of participation and the Urdd and the WRU have done a great job. Hundreds if not 1000’s of kids, parents, and teachers are going to walk away from that tournament happy.

But when we look through the lens of producing active, healthy, and curious kids that changes.

I saw waterlogged adult pitches, one food vendor (a burger stand), and kids who had no choice but to make a decision that would make no sense in the adult game.

We might not like what we see when we ask better questions. But, it does give us the opportunity to do better.

In Germany, football is the dominant sport. Ten percent of the German population are members of the German Football Association, DFB. The world’s largest sports federation. 

The Bundesliga, the top league in German football has 18 teams with over 500 registered players. When your talent pool is in the millions, you don’t have a supply problem. Even when your talent development system is at a rate of less than 1% of throughput (1% percent of 1 million is 10,000).

A bad loss at the last World Cup. Declining membership numbers. And the Bundesliga increasingly buying skillful foreign players at the expense of homegrown talent suggests that although there is no supply problem, yet. There might have a quality problem.

But, German football has been here before. Boom follows bust.

Big ideas are the stuff of boom and bust. And they require three things. A narrative, some data to support the new narrative, and a new way of doing things. 

Inventor Matthias Lockmann has proposed to constrain the involvement of coaches, encouraging players to develop game intelligence, rather than learn through overly prescribed solutions provided by coaches. 

Dominance and predictability are appealing in a competitive world. And perhaps it is valid to question the link between increasing coaching structures and decreasing participation and activities levels. The industrialization of sport has seen the rise of the entrepreneurial coach in the same period as declining activity levels. 

But, perhaps the biggest challenge faced by German football is to embrace continual development. Crawl, Walk, Run. 

In Crawl, propositional and procedural knowledge works just fine. “Do this, don’t do that.” But to move to Walk requires perspectival knowledge. Perspectival knowledge is about testing your ideas, and concepts, in different environments and contexts. The reward is a nuanced understanding of how your concept works. The downside is unpredictability.

If you want flexible players capable of making decisions based on their task and environment then you need to provide an example worth copying. Be the change you seek.

I wish German Football and Matthias well.

A friend of mine has got into coaching.  I was speaking to him today about his experiences of attending coaching courses. Quitting had crossed his mind. Each course had left him with an overwhelming feeling of compliance.

The problem comes when we teach propositional knowledge, do this, don’t do that, and procedural knowledge, if you do this then, as if it’s the end of the journey, not the start.

When we have a big idea. New information is not always welcome.

Why?

Because it doesn’t always fit with our existing narrative. The story we are telling ourselves about how we collide with the world. It might also challenge what we think we know, the expert opinion of the day, or how we do things.

So here is a filter to help when new information does arrive unannounced, and at precisely the wrong time.

What story are we telling ourselves and how does this new information change that story?

How does this new information change what we think we know?

How does this new information change how we do things around here?

If you haven’t already guessed it. New information is not the problem. But our big idea might be.

In fact, new information is showing us the way. And giving us another chance to examine, our story, what we think we know, and how we do things.

Are you a glass-half-empty or a glass-half-full type of person?

Perhaps a better question would be.

What are you committed to achieving?

Because then you might know whether you need to fill the glass up or empty it.

90 days. 90 blogs. From January to March over 17,000 words written.

90 small wins that tell me I can do it. I can sit down every morning and write on 3 themes. Fitness, Coaching, and Personal Leadership.

Every 90days I ask myself the same question. What experiences can I create for myself that inform?

And for the next 90 days?

I’ll do it all over again. Why? Because when I distilled down what I had written into directives for my coaching, for myself, and for my family, I felt proud of what I had learned and achieved. I felt good. So why not? I can make the time.

Surprised? Yes. And that’s my point. So I’ll go again and see what I can learn this time.

What experiences can YOU create for yourself that inform?

You can let me know here.

When the eldest argues with the youngest over the “best” piece of fruit to put in their lunchbox. It can feel like an advantage when they get their way.

In a world where the advantage appears to be what’s in front of us, instant and accessible. It’s on us to help our kids see what that advantage really is. And at what cost, to our health, our relationships, and the environment in which we live.

Rarely is the advantage, that we were so quick to grab, worth the price we will have to pay.

Anyone can collect stamps because they are cheap and accessible.  

Patiently building up their bite-size chunks of information into narratives. Collectors curate their stamps into geographical areas, historical moments in time, and many other themes. There might be better ways to educate yourself on a subject, but you can’t deny their curiosity.

The world is full of bite-size chunks.

To whom does the world belong? Those who post because they can. Or those who are curious enough to patiently curate stories?

The choice is yours.

Kids grow and mature at different rates. Measuring your kid’s height and weight is active parenting. It’s good practise.

A valid concern for parents is by collecting data on our kid’s growth and maturation we make them self-conscious about their height, their weight, and maybe their appearance. 

Besides growth and maturation are complicated. Any information we collect is only part of the puzzle, fragmented. Parents are not code breakers.

The hardest part for a code breaker is to keep a secret. Keeping the bigger picture in their mind. Not letting on, they know, letting slip the advantage. 

When our kids enter a growth spurt, we know, physical abilities, motor control, and body awareness fluctuations make movement and coordination difficult. 

Attaching emotion to numbers is not good practise. Measuring your kid’s height and weight is good practise.

If not for your kids, for you.

Who needs a coach? The active or the passive? 

Passive

If you want someone else to blame find a coach.

If you want to enrol someone else in your story find a coach.

If you want motivation, intention and resolve find a coach.

Active

You don’t need a coach it’s on you.

You have enrolled all the help you need.

You are self motivated, intentional and resolute.

A better question might be. Are you ready to change your position? 

What if the problem you thought you had, was not really the problem at all? 

The first 3 times that Boris Becker played Andre Aggasi he beat him. 

1988 Indian Wells 4-6, 6-3, 7-5

1989 USA v Germany 6-7, 6-7, 7-6, 6-3, 6-4

1989 Masters 6-1, 6-3

The main reason Agassi could not beat Becker was that he found it hard to pick the direction of his serves. 

Then in 1990, it all changed. From 1990 to 1999, Agassi beat Becker ten out of the eleven times they met on court. It was as if Andre Agassi could read Becker’s mind. Or at least that is what Boris Becker thought. 

Agassi wasn’t reading Becker’s mind, he was reading his tongue. After watching tape after tape, Agassi noticed a tick in Beckers’s serves. If Becker put his tongue to the middle then his serve would either go down the middle or towards the body of Agassi. If Beckers’s tongue went to the side, his serves would go out wide. 

And the hardest part for Agassi? Not giving the game away. Agassi knew he could pick off Becker’s serve at will. Instead, Agassi held out and only picked off Becker’s serve at crucial points in games to turn the match in his favour.

Agassi beat Becker at will because he became an expert at his problem. Maybe it’s time to stop looking for the answers and get clear on the problem instead.

Padel is the fastest-growing sport in the world. Considered a donor sport for tennis (and vice versa). Padel helps players transfer varied and specific movement experiences that support their tennis performance.

Supporting each other while pursuing our own interests, is the basis of collaboration. And what’s interesting about collaboration is the more we experience it, the more likely it is to happen again. Another chance to learn, imitate, and pass on our experiences.

Fear spreads just as quickly. Drop our regard for others and our pursuit of exactly the same agenda becoming competitive.

The LTA has recently announced that Padel is now officially recognised as a discipline of tennis. 

It pays to know if we are competing or collaborating. And that starts by being clear on what is behind our actions. Fear, or concern for others?

I think we all know the press-up is going to be on every physical exam we ever take. 

Revise for the exam and we do eccentric press-ups, incline press-ups, kneeling press-ups all kinds of funky-looking press-ups. 

More often than we should we take a D in press up class just so we can do more.

But, here’s the thing. What if we didn’t focus on the exam paper, the end goal. And just learned to love the process instead. Would we still make progress?   

I say we would. But, I don’t want you to take my word for it. Instead, I’ve built you a press-up garden to play in with the help of my friends from Parkour EDU.  

I’m not affiliated. I’m not going to make any money. I just thought it would be fun. 

You might too. Of course, you could just revise hard for the exam and get a “C” but was that really the point?

1. Cat Cow

2. Front plank

3. In place crab walk

4. Quadrupedal walk (forward)

5. Quadrupedal walk (backwards)

6. Forward crab walk

7. Backward crab walk

8. In place quadrupedal walk 

9. In place crab walk (on your bum)

10. Table top push up 

Coaching notes:

The body is sensory. 

Teach the kids to breathe first. Then teach the kids to breathe in each of these different positions while static. Each drill has the hands in different positions and each will present different challenges, especially to those whose breathwork needs improvement. 

For the breath aficionados. Teach the necessary. Then the possible to achieve the impossible. 

Necessary

1. Learn nasal breathing. 
2. Resting tongue position
3. Control Pause

Possible 

4. The Stack
5. Full exhale

Impossible

1. Deep abdominal control on inhaling

Yoga is complicated. A physical, mental and spiritual practice with more styles and nuances than I will ever care to remember. Best practice is just not possible. A reductionist approach would provide too many gaps down which to fall. 

Yoga is simple. “It is not about how you look it is about how you feel.” Judging by the number of people taking yoga classes, the simple message is working. 

I was one of them. Only there was no best practice. Just you, a mat, and a teacher (I tried lots of teachers). 

At the time I was asthmatic. And a lot of us asthmatics use secondary muscles to breathe, to aid the expansion of the thoracic cavity. In short, upside down, struggling to keep shoulders away from ears, we can’t breathe effectively, respiratory distress.  

Yoga is not simple. It’s stressful. Yoga feels complicated. 

And here is my point. Yoga could be made simple for more people. If there was best practice. 

1. The body is sensory. Act accordingly.
2. Learn to breathe through your nose.
3. Learn breath control.
4. Learn to put the tongue on the roof of your mouth
5. Learn to breathe in side-lying, inverted, and through movement
6. THEN begin to connect breath to movement.

When we are in a rush to prove that something is simple (or sell it). We make things complicated by forgetting the rules that made it simple in the first place.

will

Provide you with perspective. Who are you? 

Help you to decide where to put your attention. What is important to you?

Challenge where you put your time, money, and resources. What do you want to focus on? 

Encourage you to think past a busy to-do list. How do you want to show up?

One of the quickest ways to elevate status is to become a coach. 

One of the quickest ways to lose status is to make a mistake. 

Perhaps you can see the problem. And why the idea of “marginal gains” is so popular in the world of sport and coaching. Drip, drip, drip. 

The world of marginal gains works well within the rules of what’s possible. One step at a time until hopefully inspiring happens.

But when people rethink the rules and what is possible, change is rapid. And that itself can be inspiring. 

Maybe it’s time to reconsider how sports and activities can inspire children. Is it the drip, drip, drip of marginal gains? Or to be given the chance to change the rules and then to learn from our mistakes?

My Friend’s 10-year-old daughter is fearless, explosive, and athletic. An outgoing kid, she likes being active and having fun. 

Is my friend’s daughter more likely to be a tumbler or a footballer?

I learned about the dilemma at the school gate yesterday. Does my friend’s daughter increase her tumbling sessions from 3 to 4 a week and give up football? Or continue to kick a ball around and stick with 3 tumbling sessions a week?

The problem with active, curious, and healthy kids is that coaches see potential. My friend’s daughter looks a lot like a successful tumbler. Rule of thumb over relevant facts. 

But, that is not helpful. The question. Is it worth it? Is. 

Here are some relevant facts:

There are more footballers (team) than tumblers (individual). 

Only 15% of gymnasts remain active by the age of 16.

The number of kids taking part in gymnastics is declining. The talent pool is shrinking. 

When we ask age group sports coaches to predict the future they get it wrong. 

So instead. It is time to reframe the question. And give age group (9 to 13-year-old) coaches a question they can all answer correctly. 

Am I increasing or decreasing my chances of creating an active, healthy, and curious kid if I………..

To achieve success you need to learn how to win.

I thought If I worked hard to get a degree I would be ahead of the pack. 

To achieve success you need to learn how to acquire skills but unless they help you win you will never succeed. 

I learned how to use Lithium aluminium hydride as a reducing agent but didn’t much care about the result.

Winning is not the hard part. Neither is acquiring skills. The hard part is being honest about what success looks like. 

Because then you can acquire the right skills to solve the problems that will inevitably come your way. 

The only way to become a better writer is to write better stuff.

I wanted to know if the way to write better content is to write every day. So I set myself the challenge to write a blog every day for 3 months. 

This weekend I’ve been away with friends. I imagined myself being so under the weather that I wouldn’t be able to string a sentence together. It would have been easy to make an excuse.

I didn’t want to break the chain. My backup plan was to simply write.

To be continued…..

If you could commit to one small step at a time. What would it be?

Cynefin is a Welsh word meaning habitat. 

At a time when the Welsh Government has offered the people of Ukraine a warm welcome. I love the idea of the Cynefin framework offering decision-makers a “sense of place”  

In a chaotic world, when paralysed in your decision making “Just do it” is the right advice.

But, how chaotic is your world, really?

A better question might be. What are you expecting?

In sport, one of the problems is the number of kids who are leaving. By the age of 17, only three in 10 girls and six in 10 boys would describe themselves as sporty.  

In business, when we worry about who’s inbound and outbound more than who might be sticking around we have a problem.

Maybe the answer lies in education. 

Not in the traditional sense. But in an environmental sense. The creation of a space in which we do our best work.

A primary school teacher can focus on the level of skills her pupils are leaving with precisely because she knows they are leaving.

Is the most asked question on Google in 2021.

A habit is a routine or practice performed regularly; an automated response to a specific situation.

In Nov 2012 James Clear began publishing his blogs on habits, decision making, and continuous improvements. By 2015, James had signed a publishing deal with the publishing house Penguin. And in 2018, the book Atomic Habits was published. 

The gap between James first publishing a blog and finally releasing his book was 6 years. And for many years before Nov 2012, James was making notes, playing with ideas, and learning what worked.  

When you are looking to create healthy habits. We can certainly begin by asking “how do I lose a few lbs?” or “what should I eat?” But a better question might be.

“How do I create an environment in which I can keep going?”

“Don’t stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done.” Wesley Snipes

Talk about splitting the room (I’m not talking about Wesley Snipes here).  

Are parents that accept their kids telling them they are tired, soft on their kids?

Or are the parents that push their kids to look past tired, hard on their kids?

Are you teaching your kid to be compliant?

Or is your kid just difficult?

Are you worried about them failing?

Are you worried about them being too hard on themselves?

I write for 3 hours a day and then I’m done. But of course, I’m not done.

When we do the work of getting clear on what we think done is. We also get to see the story we tell ourselves.

More or less?

“On March 29th, 1981, 7,747 runners took part in the London Marathon. 20,000 applied and of the 7,055 who took to the starting line, 6,255 completed the course.”

It’s the ride home from school and my youngest is spewing out facts from her recent homework assignment. 

When I asked my kids about what they had learned.  

My eldest, said, “lots of people must have been scared.” When I asked her why, she thought that, she said “London is big, and 20,000 is not a lot of people.”

My youngest said, “ I’m sad for all the runners who had not been able to take part.”

And with that my eldest changed from thinking people were scared to seeing an opportunity. “Maybe.” She said, “We could make London Marathon a bigger event, and sell more spaces for other runners.” 

We spoke about why it is important to start with what you know, facts. To know our emotions influence how we see situations and why it’s important to give people room to change, as my eldest did, as she developed and explored the idea. 

And a reminder for me that coaching is to set the conditions, not the content. 

To help you play at the edges of success and failure.

They may feel hard and difficult to answer. But that’s the point. Success and failure are hard. That’s what makes it extraordinary. 

How can I help my kids deal with failure? 

What environment do I need to create that makes it easy for them to win?

What experiences and skills do I want my kids to have?

How do I help my kids develop the emotional maturity to handle the competition?

I’ve just finished putting together an activity plan for my kids. Here it is.

The blog “Skills comes out of necessity” covers my thinking on the subject.

I’ve left cycling off to keep it simple for us. A copy of the spreadsheet I used is here.

Feel free to connect and discuss here.

I hope it helps you out.

The overconfident are not more successful than you.

They simply started sooner.

You can catch them up. 

To become an active nation. We need to fund and actively encouraged each other to be active across ALL of these, not just ONE.

Hopping

Skipping

Climbing

Running

Jumping

Throwing and Catching

Kicking an object

Cycling

Swimming

When we see sport-specific skills in competition with fundamental movement skills. The hula hoop is a threat to the javelin.

If I can skip then I know I can move my feet

If I can skip I know I can move my feet to the rhythm of my hands

If I can skip I know I can jump

If I can move my feet then I know I can move to the ball

If I can move to a rhythm then I know my passing can be rhythmical too

If I can jump I know I can clamber and climb

Some people don’t like “If I can” statements because they feel like a checklist of assessments and competencies. And I get that. 

It’s early days for me on “If I can” statements. But, the leap from skipping to climbing is surprising. And in linking a task to a developing skillset, I see possibility. 

If I can help coaches see the value of fundamental movement skills then……

I’ve been thinking about this quote by Chinua Achebe a lot recently.

A functioning, robust democracy requires a participatory followship, and an educated and morally grounded leadership. 

When our intent is to be difficult. Focused on what is wrong, in all that we project, we are a source of destruction. Compliance is equally unhelpful, desirable to a despot, but not when we want to change.

Leadership training has been the antidote to apathy. But I think we have missed the point. The point is to participate, engage with a process, not expectation and the outcome. That can come later.

To borrow a line from Derek Sivers. “We are told that we should all be leaders but that would really be ineffective.”

Participatory followship is just as much an intention, an art, and a skill as leadership. To participate fully we must be desirably difficult. Our challenges, informed and educated. And of course, our intent, transparent and clear.

If we really care about an idea doesn’t it make more sense to play and participate with it than be in a rush to lead on it? 

If I asked my kids that question. I can be pretty certain it would be fish fingers, chips, and beans or spaghetti bolognese.

And the cost of wanting kids to participate in food choices? 

In a typical serving of fish fingers, chips, and beans. The percentage of recommended daily values of any of the vitamins or minerals you care to mention is no more than 10%. 

When a council asks the kids from the local schools to design a playground the same thing happens. There are 10 Fundamental Movement Skills that kids need to develop into active, healthy, and curious kids. Of course, when kids design a playground, few are chosen.

Eager to please we concede control to others, in the hope of engagement.

So what’s missing?

Leadership. The choice of leading our kids in an educated and informed way.

Design Principles. Healthy adults use design principles to make their food choices, not their emotions.

Leaders create followers. Followers create leaders. Informed and educated challenges are the basis of participatory fellowship.

To put it another way.

Learn to participate. Follow design principles and test them. Then lead us towards better ones. 

I was 10 when I quit Judo. I was 32 when I successfully fought to raise the money required to start a six-figure coaching business. 

I was 14 when I quit athletics. I was 40 when I endured the Tour divide. 

When your kid quits Karate. Rather than worry. Ask, are they quitting….

The task?

The environment?

On themselves?

As a parent, our job is to have better information than we had before. So, we can go again. 

Only this time we know a little more.

The successful cycling coach David Brailsford coined the term “marginal gains”. If we improved every choice we made by 1% we would create extraordinary success.

David Brailsford lives in the land of the impossible. The zone of marginal gains. When you are working with diminishing returns you might well take 1% as a good result.

Most of us don’t live in the land of the impossible. We live in the land of possible. The place where decisions live or die. More effort may not make much of a difference.

And that’s strange because if more of us lived in the land of necessary things would improve very quickly. With little effort, we would get a lot back, a lot more than 1 %.

It might somehow be less heroic. Even obvious. Or below us.

But it is clear to me that creating significant change is not about management speak and marginal gains it is about doing the work of necessary.

And that requires an honest conversation about where we start from.

Yesterday a friend of mine stopped me in the street and within 5 minutes I was watching his 9-year-old try to do a press-up. 

Rugby is physically demanding and kids grow up quickly. I’d be worried too. 

The world of physical development is full of resources but little reassurance.  Content over context. PDFs, videos, and conferences but no connection.

The hard part is not the resources. It is helping coaches, teachers, and parents to commit to what they should do.

To bring parents, teachers, and coaches into the conversation.

Here are three prompts:

What do you stand for? What’s upstream from teaching kids to compete and helping them develop?

What’s downstream? How do you want your kids to show up? 

Focussing on where you are now. Which bit is bothering you?

I will gladly facilitate the first 5 meeting requests I get from coaches, clubs, or organisations. We can arrange details here.

A rugby scrum becomes uncontested when a team loses a key member of their team. Contested is to engage in competition to attain a position of power. Uncontested is to consider the danger of pressing ahead when there has been a shift in power. 

A rugby scrum wheels, when the balance of power shifts, it goes around in a circle.

Development and competition are on the same team, not the same continuum. More competition does not necessarily mean less development. It does mean there is a shift in balance.

It is on us to decide if that shift will take us forward or around and around in circles.

When you are a caveman (or a nervous client or colleague).  

How many times a day do you think you calculate risk?

From stepping out onto the road to taking a call from an unknown number. The question. Is it worth it? Plays out in our heads. 

Try being playful and curious with the risk management switch is permanently on. 

What is this about? 

There is little point in finding out what is out there. When there is the real work of worrying about risk, status, and the outcome. Developing context is just an icebreaker.

Creativity requires stability. And figuring out how to feel stable, is to give yourself the best chance of doing your best work. Managing the risk at the front end of a project, job, or in this case, a fixed period of time (90 days) makes sense. 

Living in the dark? Here are some prompts to turn the lights on. 

What is the smallest step you can take right now? What does it look like?

What is the progression and what might it look like?

Imagine that you couldn’t do the thing that you want to do now. What is the sideways move you can make and what might it look like?

What is the backward move you can make if the next step is not working out?

Under what circumstances do you quit?

Be flexible and develop the situation. Goals don’t move. People do.

Each day my kids ride to and from school. 10 km a day. 50 km in a week. Approx 2,400km of cycling per year. 

Each year British Cycling receives just over £24 million pounds in funding from UK Sport. 

By not using a car to get to school my kids save an estimated 0.8 tonnes of C0₂ per year. The average person in the EU generates 8.4 tonnes of C0₂ per year.

UK sports mission is to reach, inspire and unite the nation. 

The reason my kids can’t ride from one side of Cardiff to the other using a cycle path. Is because as a nation we have decided to invest our money in the hope of winning.

Government, UK Sport, and British Cycling point to a balanced investment between participation and performance. I tell my kids to focus on one thing at a time.

As parents, we trust the process and accept the outcome. We can influence it but we can’t control it.

UK Sport’s mission informs a narrative that drives the process. In an attempt to control the outcome British Cycling receives £24 million a year, while Badminton, Climbing, and Karate each get less than a million pounds.

Each day my kids inspire me, their friends, and their community. Every 4 years UK Sport hopes that someone will inspire everyone.

Cycle paths, safe roads, and cycle-friendly facilities are necessary. Since they make it possible to create active, healthy, and curious kids. Kids who can then dream the impossible.

UK Sport underfunds the necessary to fund the impossible.

Which would inspire you to be more active, healthy, and curious? A nation connected through a cycling network. Or a performance system that creates periodic winners.

We might want to show off our medals as indicators of growth. But we really need to do is find tasks that will challenge and inspire our kids. 

Using a questionnaire titled “I Need” researchers in Finlands asked coaches to indicate the level of importance of 15 characteristics in their chosen sports.

I’ve simplified the data to provide the top 5 characteristics of the sports chosen.

So that we can take a look at how we might use a rotation of sports to cover 10 fundamental movement skills. I’ve removed Dynamic Balance, Core Stability, Pulling Power, Rhythm, and Stature from the data set.

Table 1. An example of a rotation of sports covering 10 fundamental movement skills. 

Table 2. A different example of a rotation of sports.

I think you will agree. There are some surprising combinations.

When we look through the lens of fundamental movement skills. We might not get as many medals as we want but we will definitely get what we need.

You can get involved here.

We play tennis during strawberry season. Rowing is for tall people who like water. Netball is for girls. 

We choose tasks on the basis of our assumptions, biases, and instincts, not on the actual demands of the task. 

Tasks demand skill. Skill comes from necessity.

When we choose tasks that are not based on assumption, bias, or instinct but on the demands of the task. We change our choices.

To allow parents, teachers, and coaches to rotate tasks based on their demands. I’ve created a spreadsheet for you to lists the sports and activities that you love.

It’s time to upskill our kids based on the demands of the task, not our faulty thinking.

Pass it on.

Sporty parents like competition because it provides rules. Parents instinctively know that kids respond well to boundaries. The rules we use today are the same ones we will use tomorrow. It helps to be predictable.

What derails the predictability of parents is emotional control. Mind blown. Routines, consistency, and fairness go out the window. 

Despite protests “That it’s not fair!” We treat our children not based on equality but based on the mood we are in. Authority might not have been lost but it has certainly been challenged.

And what better way to lose your mind than on the sidelines of a sports pitch?

When you are at the mercy of the result of a game, consistency is an issue. If you want to be predictable, fair, and receptive to what your children are telling you. Then, it might be time to reconsider. 

Competition provides rules and structure but unless we are consistent it also undermines authority. It might make more sense to design your own rules and structures. Until such time that you and the kids are ready to consistently handle the competition.

Sat in a room off to the side of a hotel reception in Bristol yesterday.  It struck me that there were really only two questions in the room. 

Having sent a chapter of my book, I was on a Zoom call with a friend of mine, who writes and speaks on the relationship between fathers and their kids.

The only other people in the room were a group of businessmen, talking about office rents, fuel prices, and the potential location of their office. 

Here are the two questions:

What is this about?

Is it worth it?

Since only one of them has a definitive answer. The trap is to consider one work and the other an icebreaker. 

P.S. Thank you to the staff and in particular the breakfast ninja. You made our stay a lot of fun.

Kick a project into it. Or go hide in it yourself.

The art of being around but not visible.

What if you had the guts to reinvented the rules?

Would you still want to be invisible then?

The Athletic Skills Model, ASM, suggests that coaches think of themselves as landscape gardeners. Cultivating information-rich environments. Spaces that invite learners to explore – discover – adapt. 

Yet declining physical activity levels suggest the time for tinkering in the garden is over.

The task is to raise active, healthy, and curious kids in a competitive world. Emotionally mature children with fundamental movement skills. But first, we need to provide an example worth copying. 

Parents, we need you to lead by example. Don’t wait. Far better that we become a warrior in the garden than a gardener in a war.

If a top-half coach doesn’t want to pander to the lowest common denominator. Then a bottom-half coach wants to bring the average up, taking the whole into consideration. 

And the players? 

A bottom-half player has everything to gain and nothing to lose. The underdogs. 

If you are a bottom half coach, all about the team, participation, and enjoyment. Then play. Change the rules. 

Teach the kids how to play as a team. How to figure out the rule changes. And how to deal with any frustration brought about by a change in the order. 

Encourage the top half players to stay in the game, and in time they will, if they are good enough, find a way to win.

By valuing problem-solving over points scored. The team over the individual. You changed the game. And that might just be the point you were trying to make.

A top-half coach doesn’t want to pander to the lowest common denominator. 

A top-half player has everything to lose and nothing to gain.

The fear is when the rules change the order may change.  

To overcome the fear is to create an environment in which the rules do change. A junior padel player helps school a junior tennis champion.

It can be difficult for parents and coaches to see the advantage of a flexible multi-sport approach when their kid is losing a game and maybe their mind. 

The choice is to have difficult conversations over time or ignore them for another time.

The agenda is clear. Since kids’ physical activity levels are decreasing. Finding ways to increase them would be a smart move.

When it comes to creating change in kids, schools are the most obvious asset. Plenty of contact time, people on the payroll, and a place to do it. 

To improve the physical literacy of young children the assumption is that we need to spend more time focused on physical activities in schools.

The difficult part is creating enough qualified teachers to deliver the agenda. The teachers are underqualified and the kids are suffering. So the obvious solution is to drop in specialised staff. 

The idea embedded in the argument is that content is more important than the environment.

Arguably, The Government in pursuit of its agenda has under committed on either and underspent on both.  

Thinking past the agenda of others.

Is school the best place to raise active, healthy, and curious kids?

Is writing a blog daily better or worse than doing nothing at all?

Put it into google and unsurprisingly you get a mixed response. Some swear by the routine others suggest the sweet spot is 2-4 times a week.

Here’s another one. Should I measure the height of my kids? 

Yes, if you want to understand the changes that are occurring in your child’s physical development. 

No, if you are worried about your child becoming self-conscious about their height, weight, or physical appearance. 

I’m doing my best to write a book on helping parents become decisive about the importance of fundamental movement skills, for themselves and their kids. I  started blogging daily as a 3-month experiment. 

Did I have enough to say?

Would I produce content of quality? 

How much time would I spend on writing a blog each day? 

Would anyone else read my stuff?

All valid fears. Each one has its own visiting rules. Some stay for a while and most visit daily.

Rather than wait for things to come to me, I decided that I would go to them and be curious. My kid’s physical development was one of those things. We weigh our kids each week and track something called peak weight velocity. You could also measure their height.

I don’t want my kids to compare themselves to each other.

I certainly don’t want my kids to worry about how they look.

And I’m not interested in turning this into a weird science experiment.

To be active, my hope has to be greater than my fear.

Here are my hopes.

I will become a better writer and survive financially for the next 3 months.

I can curiously watch the development of my children without bringing anxiety or judgment. 

All this brings me back to the question.

Is what you are doing better or worse than doing nothing at all?

Stories are designed to present characters with a series of progressive complications that build tension towards a dramatic choice. 

We missed so many opportunities, it’s too probably late, how could we be so stupid? If only we had paid attention, this last choice might just be our last one!  You get the point. 

The tension builds in our imagination. A series of progressive complications. Steps missed or messed up. Until we arrive at what feels like the final destination. Make the wrong choice and it will end in disaster.

In The Matrix, the main character Neo is offered the choice between a red pill and a blue pill by rebel leader Morpheus. Morpheus says “You take the blue pill… the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill… you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

The willingness to learn a potential life-changing truth, with all the difficulties that it may bring, is to give yourself potential. Choose the red pill if you can be curious about the outcome but not defined by it. 

The anti-heroic, blue pill is a choice for those worried about the outcome and the uncertainty that it brings. Without meaning, is without blame or failure, a vacuous space, of contented ignorance devoid of possibility. “What’s the point?”

And my point? The stakes are rarely as high as your imagination would have you think.

We all have an idea of what advantage looks like. Maybe it’s a prestigious squad, a renowned academy, or a private school.

But, what if the game these organisations were playing was based on scarcity. If only the very best of the best came away with an advantage. Would that change how you see the advantage?

Micah Richards has this insight into how the modern game of football is changing for young players. 

“From 1998, when the (Manchester) City academy opened, until the Abu Dhabi takeover in 2008, 26 players went from the youth team to the first team, and 20 of us started at least one competitive match.

If you look at the number of academy players who made their senior debut for City between 2008 and the start of this season there are 44, which seems pretty good on paper, with 32 of them starting a game.

But dig a little deeper and only 16 made more than one start, and so far only four players have made more than 20, including Foden, who leads by a long way with 74.

Compare that to my day, when only three of the 20 players were given just one start. Eight of us made more than 20 and, between us, we made a total of 998 starts for City alone, compared to only 212 from those that have followed.

Having a small squad meant we got a proper chance and having a bad game was not the end for us, but it is a different story now.” 

The probability of success is not the same as the story of success. As parents, it pays to be clear which one we are paying attention to.

Which would one would you choose? 

80% of the time kids (9-12 years olds) play sport,  20% of the time they develop fundamental movement skills. 

80% of the time kids develop fundamental movement skills, 20% of the time they play sport. 

Built on the premise that if you train too hard but not hard enough you won’t move fast enough when it matters. 80:20 training is a methodology that encourages consistency. Slow down for long enough and you get to do it all again tomorrow. After all, you are endurance training.

A blur turns into perspective when you slow down for long enough. 

We are puffing and panting our way through the issue of declining physical activity levels in kids. Not fast enough to create change, not slow enough to confront our fears. 

It is hard to believe that doing more is the answer.

If you want kids to choose something healthy from the school dinner buffet put it first. 

At a kid’s football training practise, we train for football.

We know we should put fundamental movement skills first, but we don’t. Instead, we put it in a buffet with the rest of the options. 

When we put first things first it changes how we look at a problem.

Training for football is not the same as football training.

Speed

Agility

Sport Specific Movement Skills

Fundamental Movement Skills

Power

Flexibility

Mobility

Energy Systems Training

According to the Long Term Athletic Development Model (LTAD), the above list is the physical attributes to focus on between the ages of 8 and 12. The foundational years of training (training age: 0-2 years).

In alphabetical order, they look like this: 

1. Energy System Training
2. Flexibility
3. Fundamental Movement Skills
4. Mobility
5. Power
6. Speed
7. Sport Specific Movement Skills

With a competitive bias they might look like this:

1. Sport Specific Movement Skills
2. Speed
3. Power
4. Energy System Training
5. Mobility
6. Flexibility
7. Fundamental Movement Skills

I also thought I’d ask a word cloud generator.

When the list is as long as it is broad then the best question might be.  

Which part are you going to focus on?

Goalkickers in International rugby have a success rate exceeding 90%. It pays to be successful. 

Frank Gehry the award-winning architect, produces 100’s of models for each project completed. It pays to get it right.

Through failure, one has learned to eliminate mistakes. The other to find the mistakes. 

And yet they both play. One small win after another. From simple to complex.

Underdog was an American cartoon that ran from 1964 to 1967. Speaking in rhyming couplets Underdog would say things like “There’s no need to fear, Underdog is here!” 

When doing something is better than doing nothing. Being an underdog is an advantage. Underdogs have nothing to fear and everything to gain.

Status comes with expectations. Nothing to gain and everything to lose. The arch-enemy of the underdog. Inflexible, stubborn, and keen to prove their point. 

“There’s no need to fear, parent is here!”. Doesn’t rhyme but it should chime. We learn through creative play. 

Setting the conditions to be an underdog, is your best bet when it comes to rapid learning.

Tesla became the world’s most valuable car manufacturer because it was willing to launch technology that wasn’t perfect. 

Long Term Athletic Development, LTAD is a model that has not changed much in 20 years.

Tesla has repeatedly upgraded its technology, paying little regard to early profitability. 

LTAD has been fine-tuned to place greater emphasis on certain athletic qualities.

Thanks to innovative approaches to manufacturing and engineering, Tesla can introduce developments to the market, quicker than its rivals.

LTAD has no rival.

This is strange because models should fail often. That’s the point of models.

Supporters of LTAD will point to its uptake in professional sport. But professional sport and LTAD grew up together, they know no better. In the established world of education, LTAD has made little progress.

And It’s not difficult to see why.

Tesla showed up curious, agile, and flexible. LTAD not so much. 

Changing from. “Here is a plan like yours, only it’s not yours, it’s better.” to “here’s a model, it might not work, but we won’t stop until it does.” Might just be our best option.

Pushy sports parents are argumentative, stubborn, and focused on winning at all costs. When they don’t get their way they become indifferent, tense, and distant.

The choice of being a pushy or passive parent is to choose between indifference and stubbornness.

Not much of a choice. 

But there is another type of parent. The prestigious parent. Vicariously living through their kids, unquestionably accepting everything the system has to offer, like a dog trying to please its owner.

Unrealistic expectations, sucking up to the system, scampering after the rainbow at the bottom of the field can be the life of a parent in an academy system. After all, they know best, right?

I wish I had thought of it early. But there is a parent I rarely meet. The parent who accepts a challenge to their thinking. Who is open, inquiring, and assertive to what matters to them.

Neither passive nor aggressive. Not persistent or resistant. But open and consistent. The principled parent.

We don’t need more factories for producing athletic kids. We need one for parents instead.

Kids are not small adults, adults are not big kids. 

When we do it right. 

The end game for a parent is to let go.  Making the definition of success. A child that is independent of you. 

And what would reassure an anxious parent more than seeing your child on a bad day doing what was necessary? 

My kids are 9 and 10 years old. The bad days are coming.

If the definition of success is my kids taking care of their dental hygiene independently of me on a bad day then here are my steps. 

1. Be present. Stay in the bathroom and focus on ONE thing
2. Brush in circles
3. Brush the backs of your teeth
4. Brush your tongue
5. Floss
6. Clean up after yourself. 

The whole thing is done in 3 minutes and we move on. Got it?

It’s on me to follow the same rules and not brush my teeth while answering the door, looking at my phone, or finding my socks. Since kids look for examples and copy.

Dependence relies on guidance and frameworks under supervision. Each stage not forgotten and successfully completed is one more small step towards independence. Mastered under your supervision moves to mastered without supervision. 

On good days and then onto the bad days. Because: 

If you want your child to be smart, give them problems.

If you want your child to be strong give them challenges.

And if the bad days are bad because they no longer need to follow you, just maybe it was a good day as a parent.

“If you don’t brush your teeth then they will turn green and fall out.”

What’s up with that I asked. “I want them to be the best they can be. They need teeth in their head.” came the reply. 

Shifting the responsibility to our kids is the change. The less we are involved the better. Provided the kids use toothpaste, brush in circles, brush the back of their teeth, brush their tongue and then floss. Oh! And clean up after themselves. 

The change is coming in bitesize chunks. In our house at least. 

At the time, of the green teeth warning, I was downstairs writing about kids moving from being a mouth breather to a nasal breather. 

If you don’t breathe through your nose then………… your upper jaw won’t develop properly, the dentist will probably end up ripping out some of your teeth, make you wear a brace, your bite will be wonky, you might have sleeping difficulties, anxiety, compromised airway, postural issues, and the structure of your face will be different. 

I need a punchier tagline. 

For the entrepreneurial coach chasing profit and talking about purpose.

For the development coach competing on a Saturday.

For anyone relentlessly chasing coin and talking about freedom.

Helping people to commit and then own their distinction between profit and purpose, development and competition, and money and freedom is what makes the difference.

Commit if you want to go faster.

High stake poker players have their eyes on the prize but first, need to win their hand.

Parents want to know what everyone else is doing but first need to focus on the development of their own kids. 

Phil Helmuth mitigates risk by turning up to high stake poker tournaments “staked”.  Outside investors put the money up and share the winnings. By showing up “staked” he is simply controlling how he shows up.

You don’t need to be fearless to be a fear(less) parent. You do need to find a way to control how you show up. And that takes work.

What if making decisions on time and money, which might feel hard and impossible to get to grips with, was actually the nursery slopes of decision making? 

Wouldn’t that be handy? Because what you learn about yourself on the nursery slopes you can apply to your actual work.

Since time and money are resources and often confused for work, or worth, you then give yourself the space to get on with creative work that really matters to you. 

Defining our relationship with time and money, gives us control, regardless of how much or how little we have. Fail to define it, and it will control you. 

My father lost his dad at a young age, I grew up in relative abundance. Lin’s mother told never to talk about money with anyone. I never cared much about money, since I could always go and get more of it tomorrow. Lins hid her bills from me for years. 

Nassim Nicholas Taleb in the book Anti Fragile defines “F*** you money” as “a sum large enough to get most, if not all, of the advantages of wealth (the most important one being independence and the ability to only occupy your mind with matters that interest you) but not its side effects, such as having to attend a black-tie charity event.”

Let’s switch out “F*** you money” for the term Enough. Not enough and life can feel like a struggle, enough and you get advantages of wealth, but without its side effects. Your own personal financial sweet spot. 

Defining enough, changed the course of my life. It helped me see my relationship with money and then redefine it. Bringing my values to life, to share them with my kids, meant I needed to let go of them and play.  

Here are the prompts that we brainstormed individually and then came together to discuss as a family. 

What do we believe money is for?

What do we want to achieve with money?

How do we want to treat money?

What is important to us when it comes to money?

And here is how we are bringing it to life. One imperfect step at a time.

Make rules about money, play with them and edit them until successful. You can always change your mind. What is important is that you decide. Think of it as good practise. A reversible life decision.

For now at least. Definition of terms: 

Enough is the amount of money to live simply

Emergency money is 6 x Enough and 40% of all money above Enough until we have enough. 

Fun money is 30% of all money above Enough and can be spent without judgement

Legacy money is 30% of all money above Enough and is for our kids to have enough to make mistakes but not enough to do nothing. 

I hope it serves you.

TALA’s $5.7m pitch deck is exclusively on Business Insider a subscription-based website.

Transparency comes at a cost. But it should never be on a price tag. 

I began this journey I am now on because I wanted to understand why I was not decisive enough in developing my own kid’s fundamental movement skills.

I’ve spent my professional life helping others do just that. But why was I stalling when it came to my own kids?

What story was I telling myself? 

Was I waiting for someone else to do it for me? Was I too busy? 

The term “immigrants to wealth” coined by James Grubman, describes first-generation wealth. Immigrants to wealth seemingly face a unique problem. The assumptions and constraints that brought them to wealth, through learned experience, are now not nearly as valid, as they once were.

And the kids of immigrants to wealth have no way of learning the same lessons about money as their parents once did growing up.  

Wait a minute. 

My kids have no way of learning the same lessons about sport and activities as I did growing up. How can they? Times have changed. 

What else do we have in common?   

Creating boundaries for your kids when money is in abundance is tricky. Saying no to your kid when you are surrounded by luxury doesn’t land so well.

My kids didn’t come preset with boundaries, and I had not yet set any up. Distractions were in abundance.  

I’m sure you are already at the punchline. But here it is anyway. 

The constraints and assumptions that I carry with me may no longer hold true. But the rules of the game, have not changed. It is on me to find ways to pass on the values that I have on being healthy, active, and curious to my kids.  

Rich. Poor. Active. Inactive. It doesn’t matter. 

Developing the skills required to hold up our values and be able to articulate them in a meaningful way to our kids is the work of being a parent. 

The value of stalling is unlikely to be one of them.

Yesterday was about the importance of doing the work of listing your assumptions and constraints, to understand the conditions under which your promise holds up. 

Rarely does a statement hold up without context. The statement. If I had money, then I would be a better parent. Produces this linear graph.

The argument might appear too simplistic but it’s all too familiar. 

“When I make more money, then I can relax and spend more time with my kids and my family.”

So what new information do you need to see that would change your mind?

In his book David and Goliath, Malcolm Gladwell builds an argument for two breakpoints in our example of a linear relationship between wealth and parenting.

The first is the point of diminishing marginal returns, which research suggests is $75,000. A point at which money no longer equates to a linear increase in happiness. 

The second is a point above which parenting, despite increasing wealth, can get harder again.

All this leads Gladwell to the conclusion that the parenting graph is actually an inverted U shape graph. Described by Gladwell as being in three parts.

 “The left side, where doing more or having more makes things better. There’s the flat middle, where doing more doesn’t make much of a difference. And there’s the right side, where doing more or having more makes things worse.”

Who knew u shape graphs could be so inspiring?

If you want a big return for your effort. Here it is. Doing more or having more might well improve the situation in a rapid linear manner. Our stalling parent, who sits on the left side of the U shape curve, was not wrong. They simply lacked context.

If you are a parent on the left side of the curve, then finding a way to get to the point of diminishing return is a conditional statement worth testing.

For parents spinning their wheels in the middle of the curve, telling yourself that you are doing better than most, is a trap. When it comes to parenting the only game in town is managing change. And for parents on the right side of the curve, being humble enough to accept a challenge to your thinking might just be what halts the slide. 

To be continued……

Yesterday’s hypothesis was an “if..then” statement, also known as a conditional statement.

If money makes amazing happen, then the more money we pour into projects the more we will be amazed. 

Linear reasoning is popular and for good reason. It works. 

When stalling. If you do this then I will do that.

When pleading. If you get up then I will make you your favourite breakfast. 

When campaigning for votes. If you vote for me then I will spend more on education and health. 

Malcolm Gladwell in David and Goliath writes. “When the governor of California announced sweeping plans to reduce the size of his state’s classes, his popularity doubled within three weeks.”

The job of a scientist is to either reject or fail to reject the null hypothesis. The null hypothesis, in this case: The amount of money poured into sports projects in England makes no difference to how excited and amazed you are at the provision of sport in England. Simply put, these two things we are looking at have no influence over each other, you feel that way by chance.

I think we all know the tricky bit is when, if….then turns from chance to a promise. 

Making a promise is one thing. Doing the work of listing your assumptions and constraints, to understand the conditions under which your promise holds up is quite another.

Sport England founded in 1997 has invested over £50 Trillion in Lottery Funds and £300 Million from the Exchequer into sport in England. On average that’s £1.4 trillion per year. 

For perspective (and because I live in Wales). The two largest sports stadiums in Cardiff. The Millennium Stadium, home of Welsh Rugby, and Cardiff City Stadium, home of Cardiff City Football Club to build cost a combined £169 million. 

For logistics. There are 51 cities in England.

After 34 years of investment programs. Does Sport England now have enough information to accept or reject the following hypothesis?

If money makes amazing happen, then the more money we pour into projects the more we will be amazed. 

How about you? The punter. Since you are the benefactor of this money. Are you amazed? 

I’ve designed this questionnaire for reflection. 

1. Not amazed at all
2. Slightly amazed
3. Quite amazed
4. Totally amazed 
5. Awestruck 

Feel free to let me know.

There are three types of coaches in youth sports. 

The anxious shouty coach who is living in the future. She can not see her kids ever making it unless she doubles down on the instructions.

The dejected coach who is living in the past. He can’t let go of how his kids never seem to listen to him. Every session he has ever put on has ended in frustration. He has tried everything.

Then there is the coach who seems to have all the time in the world. What is up with that? Do they even care?

What to do for the best can feel overwhelming. When we look back we can’t help but wonder if we are wasting our time. And in looking forward we have no idea where our efforts will take us.

Here is a framework to remind you that the work you do is not urgent. It is important. 

Between the ages of 9 and 12. Year 4 to Year 6/7. There is a large window of opportunity. Kids are rapidly laying down neural foundations. One connection after the other, to join the dots. 

Not every skill needs to appear overnight

Not every challenge needs to be perfect. 

Not every pass will go to their teammate. 

The work of development is ongoing. So get out of their way. Those 3 years are not for your kids. They are for you. 

Your challenge is to find a way to build a light framework for your kids to play and discover. 

Your job is to detach yourself from the outcome, since predicting it makes you anxious. 

And to show up putting your best foot forward, since we can do nothing about the past. 

Your gift for these efforts? Being present with your kids. A gift you should not waste.

If we work hard, go to the right school, and eat the right breakfast. We will win.

But life is unfair. We don’t live in a meritocracy.

So when our efforts exceed the perceived value, or expected returns. How do we keep going?

When Rocky took the fight with World Champion, Apollo Creed, he was a disillusioned boxing bum. He took the fight out of pure desperation. Nobody gave him a chance of winning.

The night before the fight is when it all changed for Rocky.

In realising that he was not supposed to win. Rocky changed the game he was playing. He created his own definition of success…..Go the distance with Apollo Creed.

Rocky lost his fight but gained his self-respect.

In case you missed them. Here are the steps:

Define your success: Do something that is unique to you, your situation, and that nobody else thinks you can do. 

Now own it. Make it yours.

Define your measure of success: What would that success look like?

Be clear on the change you seek: For Rocky it was self-belief. 

Does the measure bring the change you seek? If yes, good. If not, edit until successful.

To the outside world, Rocky was a failure. Twenty-four hours later the world changed its mind. Rocky was done trying to show the world he was a winner. Instead, he had chosen the path of growth. And in doing so, had found a way to never lose again.

“Son – you are not supposed to win. You were never supposed to win. When you understand that you understand everything. You’re not supposed to win. So win everything.” Lyrics from the album Upward by Ty.

Order matters.

Put one thing in front of the other.

Also works for feet.

“Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Stuck in the middle with you.”

The middle can be a happy and safe place.

But, when you are stuck in the middle. Now what? Coach Dan John has this to say. 

“Take care of the fundamentals and the special situations. The rest takes care of itself.”

Polarising your position is a powerful tool. Black and white provide contrast. Shades of grey not so much.

Special situations could be training when it’s snowing. Scheduling a practice with 1 minute to go and 2 players down. The idea is to create experiences that inform.

On the other end. Fundamentals are about taking care of the basics, doing them well, and doing them often. 

The stuff in the middle, that’s a distraction. 

I’ve met plenty of athletes and coaches who chase PB’s each and every time. It is certainly one option to try to keep standards high. Set the bar high. Aim for the clouds and you might hit the trees. You get the gist.

When you want a focus on process, consistency, showing up each day. Then polarising your training or your work is powerful. At the bottom end, low intensity, trust the process. At least 80% of the time. Then occasionally, see what is under the bonnet, risk it for a biscuit.   

Shock is the upside to this approach. Training for a multi-sport event. I went on a surprise training run in the Brecon Beacons. Progress across the Fan Dance route was way quicker than expected. I went in blind, with no expectations, and came away delighted. A shock to the system and a chance to recalibrate. 

The downside to this approach is the discipline required to keep yourself “undercooked”. Walking away to come back tomorrow. Never really knowing how much progress you are making. Spot tests help you keep an eye on your progress and special circumstances training help keep things fresh. 

The thing that holds you back is usually you. And or your coach. We pluck standards out of the air, like Goldilocks porridge. Sometimes just right, but often too hot or too cold. And in doing so we get in our own way.

The challenge is to find ways to encourage clients to slow down. To trust the process. Nasal breathing while exercising is just that. A form of autoregulation. The body’s way of telling you, where you are right now, is just right. Not too hot and not too cold. 

And since you are in control. You can now take care of the basics. Do them well and do them often.

If Goldilock’s story is about being curious. Then polarising the situation, to provide consistency, contrast, and surprise. Is just right.

The simplicity of the message from the book 60 Minute Father is striking. Surveys tell us that Fathers spend as little as 4 minutes a day connecting with their children. The benchmark, in this case, is 60.

Before anyone goes into meltdown. Know this about labels. 

So let’s improve the message. 

Here is a table that will help you answer the question. 

How do you spend your time? 

To wrap this up: 

1. Comparison is the thief of joy. Complete this exercise with no judgement. Do what you feel is necessary, before doing what is possible.

2. If you are physically away from your children, consider writing. We have recently started building a family manifesto. Our intention is to talk to the kids about what we think is important. The value that is reflected back, somehow still surprises me. 

Labels are only as useful as the message they convey. Label your time to elevate the value of your time.

How long do you think you spend each day in conversation with your kids?

Research shows that when asked most fathers guessed at between 15 and 20 minutes a day.

Subsequent surveys showed that busy men spent on average less than forty seconds a day with their children, split into three encounters of between 10 and 15 seconds each. 

In another survey, fathers were spending 3 minutes a day talking with their children.

On the flip side, the kids were watching 3 hours of television each day.

For that reason alone The Sixty Minute Father is worth a read.

I came to read The Sixty Minute Father when I was given it by a friend of mine. Jon Dix. At the time I was working 14 hours a day most days. My two girls were around 2 and 4 years old and my partner was struggling with postnatal depression. Times were tough. 

Without judgment. Jon gave me the book. No words just action. And in doing so he was living out one of the key values of the 60-minute father. Unconditional love. Without judgment. 

Pass it on.

For each of my 90-day planning cycles. I ask the question.

What experience can I create for myself that will inform?

It’s a lovely way to set yourself a challenge and not worry about the outcome. A space to pay attention to what the experience is teaching you.

Task: For the next 90 days (Jan – March 2022) I’ve committed to writing a blog each day.

My Fears: Do I have the time each day? Do I have enough to say? Will I be proud of what I put out, or will I end up just throwing words out?

A month in. Writing a blog each day is a productivity catalyst. Who knew.

My controlling theme is how to help kids develop fundamental movement skills (FMS).

If we can help parents, volunteer coaches, and teachers become decisive about the importance of FMS. I’d like to think we will see a reversal in inactivity and declining physical literacy in children. Here’s hoping.

I’m also developing a course on circumferential breathing.

Check out: Instructional manual for circumferential breathing

Check-in: 4 simple movement drills

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Don’t hold back. Here is why you should.

You can also checkout out the others who think sharing what they are working on is a good idea.

The job of a label is to carry a message.

T-shirt labels either help you sell more t-shirts, commercial, or inform the consumer, compliance.

The problem comes when the label is not clear, and the message is misunderstood. 

The trap is to waste time on the label and ignore the real work of improving the message.  

To understand why breathing techniques are not a front-line treatment for asthma you need to think like a doctor. 

Medicine is a profession where getting things wrong is costly. In medicine the question of “is it worth it?” is the study of health economics. Unfortunately, in the real world, what happens on paper does not always transfer the way we would like.

Here is a quote from an article titled “Breathing exercises for asthma” in Breathe, Dec 2014.

 “Although most patients in clinical trials can achieve high levels of control with optimised pharmacotherapy, in ‘‘real-life’’ practice, poor control is common, with over-reliance on rescue bronchodilator medication and ongoing symptoms and quality-of-life impairment.”

Doctors are trained to be rational, patients not so much. 

It’s time to act like a scientist to help you decide if breathing techniques are going to be worth your time. 

To allow scientists to compare a baseline measure with various treatments they use a control group and different treatment options. The question posed is this. “Are the treatments better or worse than doing nothing at all?”

Since doing nothing at all is not on the table here. And n =1. This is what scientists call a single case study design. You against you. 

Step 1: List your assumptions and constraints.

Questions like this will help. 

For assumptions: What do you think you know about breathwork?

For constraints: How do you spend your time? Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions that prevent you from working with your breath? 

Step 2: List the ways that you think you can try to improve the change you seek. 

If you have no knowledge of breathwork techniques. Good! Now you know you have a knowledge gap. Things can only improve from here on in. Let’s get back to how we apply the knowledge we do have. 

Step 3: Develop the hypothesis that you are about to test. 

Buteyko breathing has a hypothesis that asthmatics over breathe. Logically, Buteyko practitioners teach breath control and are interested in a measure called the control pause. Increase your control pause to greater than 20 seconds and your asthma symptoms will be reduced, goes the hypothesis. 

Remember when developing your hypothesis to start somewhere. Better to begin with something that makes sense than do nothing and point at the flaws. As this amorphism by the statistician George Box reminds us. “All models are wrong, some are useful.” 

At this point, it is also worth remembering that a good scientist is curious and not invested in the outcome. 

Step 4: Create a definition of the measure of success and the change you seek. 

Think small wins. What is the smallest step you can make now? 

In the following sentence, we see both the Buteyko method’s measure of success defined and the change that is sought. “Every 5-second increase in Control Pause is an indicator for reduced symptoms of asthma, wheezing, breathlessness, chest tightness, and exercise-induced asthma.” 

The potential upside of breathwork is breath control. The downside is no obvious change. And the worst possible result you can carry forward is a learned breathing technique. 

The punchline as I’m sure you are now aware is this. Act like a scientist to work with the information you do have and you will always see results even if they are not the ones you expected.

A friend of mine tells a story about the time he was a teacher, in charge of a rugby match. 

Only it meant too much. 

A player from the opposition school was making a break for the try line. He didn’t see what was coming next. An outstretched leg from the man in the middle. 

Realising his mistake, my friend walked. Hung up his whistle. Never to referee another game. 

The task was to be impartial. Indifferent even to the result. The outcome. 

I used to enjoy the story because it hadn’t happened to me. But then I saw the truth. It happens to me. It just shows up in different ways.

I’ve since come to realise that one of my tasks as a coach is not to pass on my anxiety to my players. And that’s still no easy task.

Faced with a potential audience of 38,000 volunteer coaches and in possession of an important and urgent idea. What would you do?

Send a memo? Organise a conference, pass on the message? Roll out a national strategy?

Should you think small and act big or think big and act small?

Let’s take a look. 

At scale, only the gutsy act small. Yet, the diffusion of ideas tells us to do just that. Focus on the early adopters, less than 20% of the population. In this case a potential 7,600 volunteers.  

Not all will be interested in our idea. So let’s ask only those who are engaged. Even with a generous 50% uptake, we would have only a potential 3,800 volunteers at this stage.  

Add in some specifics. Times, dates, resources, and any other constraints required to put the idea to the test. And with the same uptake rate, you are down to 1,900 volunteers. Who would if they could, engage with the idea.  

Since no idea survives first contact. Let’s give ourselves the best chance of success using 3 different treatment groups and a control. Each group will contain around 500 willing volunteers. Working with its own set of constraints. Engaged, and curious about the outcomes.

On the flip side of inclusion, must exist a fearless culture of exclusion. Opting out is to overcome the fear of missing out. Trusting the actively engaged to do the work for us. The upside, after all, is if the idea works, the group will benefit further down the line.

The trap of thinking big is to try to cover all. When we worry about leaving people out, we act small. When people are willing to get out of the way, we act big.

Let’s be clear. Neither way of thinking is easy. Both are fraught with fear. It’s on you to decide which fear is worth overcoming.