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Did you miss me?

Now there’s a tricky question.

What if they say no? What if they didn’t miss me? Am I redundant?

3 questions worth asking while you are away from work:

What did you learn while I was away?

What didn’t you miss about me being around?

What did you miss?

For all the fear of redundancy, the opportunity to find your spot, the place where you belong is worth the risk.

What would not get done if I were not here?

Don’t half arse it

Coaching is participatory and active; it requires us to do and maybe that starts with talking about what it is we think we do.

Link to Coach Camp event here.

We do you need to see?

When Bill Murray walked into the Art Institute of Chicago and looked at the painting “The Song of the Lark” by Jules Adolphe Breton, he saw a woman standing in a field at sunrise. If she could get up and go to work for one more day, then so could he. Was it a sign to carry on?

Others see a sunset.

And that’s my point – we need art, and its ability to meet people where they are and provide meaning. I’ve come to see coaching in that way, an artistic endeavour, a creative process – not a science. There is science in sport, of course, but not in coaching.

Are you willing to pay the price?

When we think of success, we think of sacrifice, of paying in blood sweat, and tears – are we willing to pay the price?

Probabilistic thinking asks us to view each possible contingent as distinct and separate events with probability attached to each. Few of us think of the cost of failure – of the alternative histories that await – we probably wouldn’t do it if we knew.

A simple way to think about it:

Don’t be fooled by past success, if failure is too costly to bear -and certainly don’t confuse luck for skill.

Youth Sport. Athletic Entrepreneurs. Red Bull Athletes.

Now what?

A friend of mine passed her exams today. Eighteen months of handing in assignments, corrections, and deadlines. And above all else, she learned this:

Make yourself accountable to someone.

Build boundaries around study time.

Having a clear endpoint – much like a project has a start and an end.

You could argue that the material learned will soon fade but the lessons learned about how to be productive might just stick around.

First impressions

When an actor turns up for an audition, something often unknown, determines the success or failure of that run out. After all, if you are called for an audition, you have much the same skills and experience, as the rest of the hopefuls; that’s why you are there. But in the end, your face fits or it doesn’t.

The same is true of coaching, rather than assuming it’s your skill, imagine it’s your luck and dig a little deeper:

What are your roles as a coach?

How are you expected to act?

What does that look like in practice?

You can’t change a person’s first impression but you can change the mold they create for you.

Who leads and who follows?

You could stay silent on the idea you have for your coaching practice. Perhaps, the question you would like to ask is not that great a question after all, or maybe that topic you want to discuss is not that interesting to anyone else.

And maybe that’s true.

But what if it isn’t?

And even if it is true, don’t you now know more than you did before?

I’m delighted to say that on Friday 17th May 2024, you can join other coaches, who just like you have been wondering if they should speak up. You can find details and an FAQ here.

I hope to see you there.

What do you teach?

Perhaps a better question is why do you teach? Although we can’t be sure of the accuracy of the answer; there are some obvious forces in play.

As Nicholas Taleb points out, if you are teaching how to retire wealthy then it’s clear it’s a hustle since you are not retired.

If you are teaching because it’s what you need to learn, that’s an excellent way to learn, and provided we are honest, a reasonable way to make a living.

And if you are teaching because you are an expert, if your environment is designed around “should” not “could,” that’s more about utopia than it is about learning.

One time only

Much like we never step into the same river twice, the decisions a coach makes are neither repeatable nor reversible once the moment has passed. We get what we get. But that is not the same as believing that amongst the unimaginable possible outcomes -alternative histories – we got what we got because it was meant to be.

Sitting in frustration

The problem is not that you have emotions, it’s what you do with them, that’s the problem.

While the kids I was coaching were getting frustrated at the exercise I had provided, I was feeling unsure and insecure. Wasn’t this supposed to be enjoyable?

Finally, one of the kids came up to me and said. “I get it, I don’t like it, but I get it. I know why you are doing this.”

Coaching is about emotions; we feel it, then we think it.

Acting the fool

At least once a year, I get together with a group of my old university friends. We each live in different cities and lead busy lives. Each time, one of us has to start the conversation about where and when we will meet.

It’s usually always me. An offer is made. That offer is changed to suit the group, and then we book it.

I have come to see coaching in the same way, my role is to make an offer and know that it’s not my final answer.

I don’t like it

I love it.

When we are clear about what our event, conference, or workshop is for, we increase our chances of putting people off, but the upside is that those who come will be glad they showed up.

Here are some edges worth thinking about:

Engagement………………..Enrollment 

Many……………….. Few

Closed………………..Open 

Easy………………..Difficult

Fast………………..Slow

Expensive………………..Cheap

Risky………………..Safe

Me……………….. You

Education………………..Learning

Expert………………..Beginner

General………………..Particular 

Passive………………..Active

Reflection………………..Action 

The War of Art

Art can make the truth more palatable writes Nicholas Taleb in his book Fooled by Randomness. I think that is the genius of Pressfield and his book The War of Art. Pressfield has made the truth – the struggle to express oneself – more bearable.

What has this to do with coaching?

John Wooden once said and I’m paraphrasing, “I don’t want great athletes; I want people to be themselves.” And that, folks, is harder than it sounds.

What do I get?

Of course, copy-and-paste coach education exists, and it exists because we think the prize at the end of it, might just be worth our time.

The challenge, of course, not to mention the risk, is not to stand around telling people what they should do but to build something more valuable than the prize that’s already there.

We care more than you think

Some days are more difficult than others.

You might feel as if you are doing it on your own, but I can assure you that you are not.

The tragedy of it all is that you think that you are, but those you leave behind, are living proof that’s not true at all.

Normally

People of (y) height should be (x) lbs.

A winger in rugby player should be able to cover 40 meters in less than (x) seconds.

A focus on what it should be is rarely as helpful as working with what you have and what it could be.

Community of practice

If you would like to deepen your knowledge and expertise through interaction on an ongoing basis, in the coaching craft, you might want to consider Coach Camp.

Here is our first pass at a logo and strapline:

Prepare for take off

There are a huge number of checklist items that a pilot needs to cover before their plane can take off.

And it’s tempting to think the same of our next adventure – writing a book, publishing a course, or even starting a business. But the people we hope to take with us, are unlikely to need the check-in, a safety briefing, or insurance cover. Build the runway and only then worry about how (or if) you are going to take off.

In the gap between hope and fear

There is practice.

I started writing with a six-word mantra, “My hope is stronger than my fear.” I used it to get myself sat down and writing. A call to action, light at the end of the tunnel.

Meachman wrote, “Hope looks forward to the horizon. Fear points at others, assigning blame.” For a while, I felt I needed – more hope than fear. A creative quest to write a book versus rejection, despair, or fear of failure.

What changed?

There is no switch on or off. It’s not like, there is no longer, hope or fear, only practice; it’s simply that you get to a point, where you learn to work without the need for applause. You write because it’s useful for you, and if it’s useful for someone else, then you feel hope, just as you feel fear when no one reads your shit.

All that happens as far as I can tell, is that in the end, you get better at returning to your practice.

What do you want to talk about?

Coach Camp, the event, is capturing people’s imagination. Here are just some of the features:

  • The agenda is created on the day by coaches just like you based on your needs and interests
  • There are no pre-scheduled topics or speakers hired – you provide the expertise
  • Discussions happen in an engaging, conversational format rather than upfront expert-led lectures
  • You pick the sessions you want to attend and can freely move between conversations
  • The focus is on peer learning, real-world experiences, and practical takeaways

It got me thinking.

Attention precedes interaction and growth. What we pay attention becomes our world. So what are you paying attention to?

If you had the chance to pin a health and fitness topic up on a board and then join a group that discusses that topic. What would it be?

Connect to me here and if we have enough interest I’ll host a FREE event where you get to decide the agenda. I’m interested in where it would go.

Paying attention

Tonight, I read a resource on nonviolent communication (NVC) and the fifth maxim: pay attention from the wonderful book Improv Wisdom. Attention precedes interaction and growth. What are you paying attention to?

Conjecture

It took me a while to stop writing a book that proved my point, argued my case, or validated my opinion and instead write artistic prose – to create something of value, not to prove that I was right.

Perhaps that is the true value of the creative endeavour?

Speaker’s corner

Perhaps the biggest gift that action-based learning provides is the iteration of the common goal. Free speech is not only essential to that process. It is also part of the craft that is the learning process.

Trying to be honest

I was struck this week by a leading coach repeatedly saying that he was “trying to be honest” with his players, media, and supporters.

And that got me thinking about how different stakeholders want different things, and what is right for one, is unlikely to be right for another – I’ll try to be as honest as I can.

This is where terms like “serving our customer’s interests”, “a commitment to excellence” and “our long-term vision” come in handy.

Playing it safe is not the same as creating a safe environment.

Trust, clarity and ownership

It is not uncommon to hear of a lack of autonomy, frustration with middle management, and working conditions that inhibit rather than promote focus on the job at hand.

If that job at hand has:

A clear objective.

Tasks that are not simple or repetitive

Then it is possible to create self-directed teams who decide when and how to do the work.

The Buurtzorg model shows us that you can’t cure a person by sitting behind a desk or in a meeting room but you can create change when you strengthen relationships between those who promote and optimise health.

For you

When something is “done for you”, it suggests that there is nothing left for you to do except show up, and in return, there may be a certain level of gratitude or recompense that goes with it. After all, it’s been done for “you”.

Sports coaching is a done-for-you endeavour. The distinction lies in understanding whether we coach for the athlete to perform or for the athlete to own what they do. Either way, we do it for you, although the approach we take is very different.

Trying too hard

Some issues are simply too complex to be simplified.

Others we don’t simplify for fear of missing the complexity of the issue. I’ve nothing against the elite sport and its performance bandwagon; I’ve just grown tired of it. At the heart of physical training complexity lies the fear of missing out. David Brailsford penned its anthem “Marginal Gains.” 

Physical mastery, on the other hand, appears to require a stillness – simplification to get to the complexity of the matter.

“The best way to enjoy training, maintain freedom from injury, and keep your marbles without employing complex mathematical formulas for ever-changing lifting percentages is to simply stick with constant weights for long periods of time.” John McKean.

Thoughts on reflection

Each time I look at my heart rate during a run, I have another data point to reflect on, in situ and post-event. I could just wait until the end of the run, or fly blind, log it, and move on. But I don’t; I keep looking:

What do I need to know?

What am I ready to change my mind on?

Where else could I put my attention?

I rarely look anymore; I let the trails decide – less noise, more signal.

The problem with problems

If any of you are rugby fans you will know that Wales picked up their first wooden spoon in over 20 years. What will follow will be the usual knee-jerk reaction, invest more at the base of the pyramid -grassroots or spend more to inspire more at the elite level – people like success. And yet, as Boeing airplanes have recently found out, it’s not as simple as pointing the figure at what appears to be the problem.

The problem with the problem is that it’s rarely the problem, it’s just the thing you can see and point at and say – there’s the problem. That works when you have a stone in your shoe, but for most other things, it’s not that simple. Rarely is there any point looking for the solution in the same place you found the problem.

To be part of the solution not part of the problem, improve your answer to the question: What are you working on now? If you are a coach, who wants to change how we interact with each other, then you might like this.

At the end of the rainbow

Plenty of people advocate for change and then provide the necessary support to enact it. If the cost of entry is high, it’s available to a few; if it’s low then it’s open to anyone. And yet, the most important numerator of them all might just be the value you gain.

This is not my final answer

The question: What are you working on? is seldom asked; we would prefer your final answer.

Despite the title, life is not a game show, we don’t need to accept your first answer as our final answer – even if you make a living out of giving a polished answer as a pundit, expert, or person of influence.

This is why I’ve designed CoachCamp – a place of practice. If you want to clarify what you are working on, you need a place where people accept your first answer not as your final answer but as a place to start.

If you are ready to listen, interact, and grow, then CoachCamp might just be the place for you.

Update: Tickets for Coach Camp 2024 are available here.

The hard part?

What’s that? Not the list of challenges, like time and money, or even recognition – the bit that is really hard.

If we are honest, a lot of the time, it’s dealing with the struggle of it not quite working, which leads us to believe that if we just had more time, money, and people who like what we do, things would be different.

Sure, we have lots of challenges but they are not the hard part – that’s believing in what you do.

Come as you are

Are you a coach in the Cardiff area looking for a fresh way to grow your skills and connect with other passionate coaching minds? I’m exploring interest in organising CoachCamp – an innovative “unconference” professional development event designed specifically for coaches.

What’s an Unconference? It’s a participant-driven experience where the agenda and discussions are created on the day by coaches just like you based on your interests. No pre-scheduled topics or speakers. Just open dialogue, real-world insights, and collaborative learning with your peers.

To make CoachCamp a reality, I need a small team of volunteers excited to help shape this non-profit endeavour aimed at elevating coaching abilities. I’m looking for a handful of individuals who each bring a unique perspective and skillset, such as:

  • Organizational/event planning abilities
  • Coaching experience across different sports
  • Community/volunteer leadership
  • Marketing/promotions expertise
  • Fundraising/sponsorship experience
  • …and a passion for coaching excellence!

If you’re based in Cardiff and would be interested in being part of the core CoachCamp team, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s come together and create an unconference experience that gives coaches the voice and professional development they deserve.

You can contact me here with a bit about your background, why you’re interested in CoachCamp, and how you could contribute. Looking forward to growing this innovative learning opportunity for our local coaching community!

Be careful what you wish for

“Gazing up into the darkness, I saw myself as a creature driven and derided by vanity, and my eyes burned with anguish and anger.” James Joyce.

Multiplier Effect

Seminars and training courses rely on the multiplier effect for return on investment – in short, the attendee comes off a course with new information, and that knowledge it is hoped, is transferred to others – thereby multiplying the effect.

And if that sounds like an assumption, it is, and a big one at that.

Can anyone remember?

The Cognitive Domain of Bloom’s Taxonomy has six levels:

  1. Remember
  2. Understand
  3. Apply
  4. Analyze
  5. Evaluate
  6. Create

I’m currently learning Welsh using Duolingo, and it’s tempting to settle into a routine of remembering and understanding words. After all, that’s learning, right? Recall and recognition are the low-hanging fruit, but for higher learning, break it down, build it up, and see if it works better.

The power of the post-it note.

Ever left a post-it note on a bottle of beer in a student fridge?

What about on your desk at work with a to-do list written on it?

Or perhaps, as a way to capture the mood and desires of the room at a meeting or event?

A tool of persuasion and engagement, but only a tool; the rest is up to you.

While I worry

Yesterday, we discovered that our youngest won’t be attending the same senior school as her sister, which was tough.

Yet, while I worried, she was blissfully unaware of the news and having a fine time.

I’ve chosen to worry about her missing her friends, whereas you might be concerned about her making new friends or managing the logistics of having two kids in different schools.

Much like interpreting a passage from a book, or a scene from a film, we each see it differently.

And that’s a gift, a curse, or what makes it work.

For my network

Do I have anyone in my network who has built a curated community using discourse?

Specifically, I am looking to launch a 90-day sprint focused on professional development and peer learning. My idea includes:

1 prompt per week on a leadership/growth topic

1 written assignment per person around the weekly prompt

Opportunities for a small group (10 people initially) to provide feedback on each other’s assignments

1 group video chat per week to discuss insights

If you have created something similar or have any advice on best practices, lessons learned, or pitfalls to avoid with building an engaging Discourse community, I would greatly appreciate your insights.

You can find me here

Watch and learn

My youngest wanted to show me how well she could make her bed.

“Did I want her to show me, on mine?” “Okay” “Watch and learn, Daddy.”

I learned that my daughter can make a bed better than me.

I also learned that “watch, learn, and then do,” is a more useful phrase.

Working on a conveyor belt

My heart sinks every time I hear this from a Strength and Conditioning Coach.

“My job is to make the next person’s job easier.”

When actually it’s much more likely to mean “I want the next coach to think I know what I’m doing.”

Soul Food

Last week I made a list of things I would tell my 12-year-old self if I ever met him again – things that I wouldn’t believe to be true:

For example:

You went traveling and spent time in Fiji, Cook Island, Indonesia, Thailand, and Singapore.

You started a business.

You wrote a book.

You get the idea – food for the soul. What’s next?

Always learning

Crossfit is an education company, a fitness brand, and an events company with an annual income of over $100 million. The “Crossfit” way of doing things is clear. And if you want to follow their way, you follow their methods – that’s what you pay for.

Compliance is at the heart of most coach education, you pay to jump the hurdle, not to be part of the gang.

If we are serious about improving coach education removing compliance might just be the best way to ensure that those you are working with are always learning and not just along for the ride.

Overnight success

We have grown up expecting cause and effect – getting something for our efforts.

When we don’t, and of course, there are lots of times when we won’t because learning is nonlinear – we give up before the rewards.

Even if it feels random since we don’t get rewards on demands, it’s not, it’s nonlinear – learn to stay in the game if you want overnight success.

Fooled by randomness

Asking for a friend

They say you should never judge a book by its cover. Instead, read the description at the back of the book, or, much more likely, pay attention to what the famous guy said about it.

Since I don’t have a quote from anyone famous just yet, here is the back of the book. If this is a book that you would like to read, click the subscribe link (either at the side of this blog or when you click the burger), and when it’s ready, I’ll be sure to let you know.

Good Coach Bad Coach; A manifesto for the Athletic Entrepreneur

To be a good coach you need

Knowledge (Crossed out)

Experience (Crossed out)

Qualifications (Crossed out)

Leadership (BOLD)

An inspiring book about coaching, leadership, and creative freedom. 

When Simon opened Elite Fitness, the perfect platform for a prestigious coach, he thought he had everything a good coach needs; a purpose-built 10,000 sq ft facility, qualifications, elite athlete endorsements, and years of pro sports experience.

But, when the commercial pressure begins to blur the lines between business and coaching Simon fails to choose to be good at either, and the venture fails.

It is through the manifestation of a coaching philosophy that Simon learns about himself, what he thinks coaching is for, and what it takes to build a place of practice – a place where you belong. 

Coaching has the power to change our relationship with success and failure – and that changes what we do. 

Good Coach Bad Coach is not a book for coaches who want to be somebody, but for coaches who want to do something.

I’d love to hear what you think, you can find me here.

Everyone’s a coach

We have coaches for life, work, sports, individuals, groups, fitness, learning, education, parenting, strength and conditioning, and leadership – have I missed anyone out?

The world has never given us more opportunities to tell someone what to do while earning money.

Of course, that has more to do with power dynamics than it does with coaching, so don’t be angry with the tool, challenge the person using it.

Imperfect choices

The technical department wants age group children to play on a particular size pitch thanks to the data.

The development department wants more 3G pitches because games are being called off due to waterlogged pitches.

The league administrators want to play by the rules.

The coaches and team managers want their teams to represent their club, and to do that, they need to play matches.

And the kids? Well, they just want to play football.

When logic and reason walk into the room, reality walks out, and the reality is that kids are losing out.

Tx Paul Poresi

I’ll hum it, you sing it

In trying to sum up my role as a football coach today, I felt akin to a conductor who selects a piece of music but entrusts the musicians to decide how to play it.

I’ll leave you with this from Ben Zander; The conductor of an orchestra doesn’t make a sound. He depends, for his power, on his ability to make other people powerful.

We asked a 100 people

When designing something you want to be successful, it’s tempting to ask people what they think. If they like it, they will buy it, right? Maybe.

Watch what people do, not what they say – ask for commitment, not opinions.

What’s on your mind?

While asking for feedback on a piece I wrote recently, I got a reply that asked what kind of feedback I wanted and what I wanted to achieve with the piece. Reasonable questions.

I so wanted to reply with answers.

But that was on my mind, not the reviewers – I wanted to hear what they had to say.

I simply replied: What’s on your mind?

It struck me just how difficult it is to keep your mind clear to receive feedback.

Teaching for tangibles

What are your course takeaways? What actionable take-homes are available to your students? What do they get that the others don’t?

Today I received an email about a course on writing a manifesto.

Phil Knight of Nike fame did it. So, to the futurists, I’ve even written for the Athletic Entrepreneur. If you want to boldly state what future success might look like, then write a manifesto.

But, here in lies the trap.

Anyone who ever wrote a manifesto didn’t do it on a course; no one taught them how to feel, what to feel, or even how to write a manifesto. They simply wrote.

We are taught to teach for tangibles, for outcomes, for something that differentiates you from the crowd. But that gets in the way of what is really going on. Maybe you are learning to express yourself, perhaps testing your idea, or hoping that someone else thinks just like you. Whatever it is, being able to rip it up and start again is at the heart of writing a manifesto.

If you need something to show for it, it might just be for show.

The Coaching Habit

Ask a question, listen, and acknowledge the answer – repeat. That’s it. Simple but not easy.

And remember, you don’t need a backstory if you do not plan to save them.

Tx Michael Bungay Stanier

Comparing notes

There is a great line from the comedian Ian Stone when talking about opinions.

“All my opinions are just opinions that I have heard.”

Like a kid who has not done their homework, when it comes to handing in time, any answer feels like the right answer.

What’s your opinion?

Defence

No, I have a better idea.

No, let’s talk about something else.

No, you have got that wrong. 

No, I’m not interested.

“No” creates boundaries, while a “Yes” can create possibility; you need both.

Let the project teach you

What does that even mean?

Aside from overcoming resistance to begin, it’s about putting one foot in front of the other and not waiting until you are better qualified, more confident and have permission. It is about trusting that along the way you will find a way to make the next step.

Not a bad place to start, don’t you think?

I want that one

If you manage, coach, or parent small people, then you will know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a request. And chances are you want something too. The question is not what you want, as that’s pretty clear; it is what YOU are actively doing about it.

Here are a few prompts to check if you are interested or committed:

List 5 things you are doing currently to get what you want.

List 5 things that you could do to improve your chances of getting what you want

List 5 things that, if stopped, would improve your chances of getting what you want.

Now describe the smallest step you can make towards what you want.

Creative freedom

The ability to express one’s self without restraints or limitations.

Doing whatever you want to do is the freedom to move the goalposts whenever and wherever you want. That’s less about being creative with your resources and more about doing whatever the f**ck you want.

To my mind, creative freedom is the ability to do what you say you will do. Doing what you say you will do requires a range of skills to complete the task and an environment that affords you the opportunity.

That’s less about creative freedom and more about finding freedom with the constraints you find yourself under.

Feed the mistake

Really?

Absolutely. Get back on the horse. Ask for the ball again even though the last time you lost possession.

Why? Because it’s unlikely that the horse will react in the same way, or you will lose possession in exactly the same manner. So, you are not repeating the mistake, if that’s what you are worried about.

Go again.

Balance

There’s the work-life balance, balancing input with output, and of course, the balance that allows us to walk along a scaffolding pipe without falling off.

One of my favourite quotes on balance from Keith Johnson’s writing in the book Improv:

“There are people who prefer to say “Yes” and there are people who prefer to say “No.” Those who say “Yes” are rewarded by the adventures they have and those who say “No” are rewarded by the safety they attain. There are far more “No” sayers around than “Yes” sayers, but you can train one type to behave like the other.”

If you have spent your life colouring within the lines, just maybe, it’s time to take a blank sheet of paper and trust yourself to create.

Harry Potter needs Lord Voldermort

And Lord Voldemort needs Harry Potter.

Without Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter is just a kid who goes to school. Okay, he did magic and we did science, but you get my point. 

Creating a narrative is helpful and hopeful, but for it to work, we need to accept both sides of the story. Don’t hide the bad, and show the good; you need both. Bring your full self.

What was useful from my conversations last week

What is urgent feels important but what is important is not always seen as urgent. How you differentiate the two is a skill that takes practice. Look for tasks in which you have a low competency, the chances are, you will find important right there.

Proof of concept is not as much fun as hope but much more useful.

Thinking about your conversations last week. What was most useful for you?

Does anyone buy anything in an elevator?

Maybe, but it’s unlikely. Much more likely is that you have practiced selling your idea in 30 seconds or less. A way of getting clear on exactly what you do in 25 words or less.

We exist because…..

Eat the Elephant

The “Eat the Elephant” Wattbike workout is forty minutes long: Nine and a half minutes warm-up, followed by a consistent, effort for thirty minutes – no change of cadence or effort, just eat the elephant.

A bit of fuss at the start, a long slog, and then it’s time to down tools and clock off – the warm-down is only thirty seconds long.

If, like me, you overestimate what can be done in a day and underestimate what can be done in 90 days, then stopping to reflect on just how you have done in 90 days is helpful. Telling yourself you haven’t done enough every day, not so much.

Does it work?

The thing you are working on

And if so, how do you know?

Who does it work for?

How and when does it work for them?

I spend a lot of time talking to coaches. Some want more clients, others want to connect to improve their chances of getting a better job but few talk to me about how they can improve what they do.

Proof of concept is not an inconvenience before you scale, or work for a bigger or better club, it’s your right of passage as a coach.

So does it work?

Resilence

“Don’t stop when you are tired, stop when you are done” is a mantra for the resilient.

But what if “Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done” was a reminder to decide when to quit, not a judgment on why you quit?

When you don’t know the answer

If we struggle to know what to put on the exam paper, we’re taught to slow down and reread the question.

However, in life, it’s not quite that simple. We may have an opinion or believe that we know the answer, but do we really know the question?

A family situation is frustrating a friend of mine. To him, the answer appears clear, but the same could be said for the other members of his family – they all believe they know the answer. So, what’s the real question?

The truth is, they don’t know, and that’s because it’s difficult – as many family feuds are – and no one really wants to talk about it.

Recently, Steve Hansen, the Kiwi rugby coach, selected and coached a World XV team. As part of his selection, he picked Isreal Folau. The issues were clear, and so too was Hansen’s approach. Instead of seeking to defend or condone Folau’s actions, he drew attention to the question:

Pick the best XV rugby players in the world and then coach them to win.

That’s it. Leadership is about finding a way forward, and that begins with understanding the question that you are answering because one thing you can be sure of is those you lead all think they know the answer.

What’s on offer?

I’ve been the subject of a few clumsy sales calls recently. Interest in a product or service is not the same as being ready to buy. To avoid jumping forward here is a question that might help take a step back.

If you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?

Hope and Fear

If hope propels us forward and fear holds us back then we should be wary, but not weary of both.

Cookie Jar (Update)

As a family, since I last wrote about the cookie jar we’ve taken to sitting with our journals each week and dropping notes of the things that we are proud of or want to remind ourselves about.

This week, we emptied the jar ready for the year ahead and made a scrapbook containing all the entries from last year.

Here are some entries:

“Sailing for the first time. I was scared but I did it anyway.”

” I hurt my finger in gym but did gym anyways. I’m really happy.”

“Front flip for the first time on my own.”

It struck me as a great way to track what we were working on, where it all began, and how we got on.

The first problem

The first problem is unlikely to be the real issue, much like a writer offers the resolution before successfully outlining the problem space. Being clear about what we are thinking is harder than talking about what we did or didn’t do.

What else?

Proof of concept requires you to ask others for help. Asking for help is not always easy, but if done well, it can benefit both parties.

Getting clear on the following helps:

What are you looking for?

What type of help do you want?

What does success look like?

What’s your focus?

What are your strengths?

What are your gaps?

What are you expecting?

Learn to ask for what you want. It’s helpful. Besides the potential upside for the helper is new stuff; information, connection, and maybe something that works.

Remebering where you came from

Julian Mc Donald the famous designer doesn’t have a dress shop on Merthyr High Street.

Jude Bellingham doesn’t go home to the West Midlands for a kickabout on a Sunday.

Tom Jones will be in Vagas not the working men’s clubs of Wales’.

But rather than wishing that Merthyr was more like Paris, wouldn’t it be better to make it more like Merthyr?

Clowning about

A PE lesson is no time to clown about. Teamwork makes the dream work not comedy capers.

However, teamwork is an illusion, if the people on the team are not in agreement.

Proof of concept

The working title for my next writing project is “Gym Rules”.

I’ve started with an easy one. Do let me know what you think:

All starting points are equally valid:

Walking into a gym for the first time can be daunting, especially if you don’t know where to start. 

If any or all of the items listed below are running through your head, pick one and begin: 

Moving more

Moving further 

Moving faster

Lifting more 

Posture

Mobility 

Accountability 

Resilience

Mindset

Showing up

Organising your week

Meal planning

Organising your life

The next time a coach asks you. What would you like coaching on today? Accept the first thing that comes to your mind, begin, and continue doing what comes next. 

Pretty soon, you will have a much better idea of the order that you want to put things in, but to get started deal with what’s in front of you.

Maxim from Improv Wisdom

Upfront

By sweeping into the assembly wearing his robes, my old school headmaster earned himself the nickname “Batman.”

Batman, unlike many superheroes, possesses no superpowers – only intellect, guile, and admittedly, a nice pad if mansions and a Batcave are your thing.

Upfront is not always about who’s in charge, or attention; sometimes it’s about presence, intent, and grace.

Motivation over metrics

Aiming to write 500 words a day is unlikely to afford you the same success as Stephen King, in fact, it might even put you off a career as a writer.

I know I tried. When I started out writing, I even googled “How many words does Stephen King write a day?”

Can I write 500 words a day? Sure. Will they be any good? Maybe.

With nothing to aim for we can feel aimless but aimless might just be better than clueless. Better questions give us better answers.

What’s on your mind?

What changes when the badge changes?

It is not uncommon for a Strength and Conditioning Coach to work across sports. A coach I was speaking to recently changed how he behaved based on the sport.

Poorly behaved rugby players did laps while football players got a telling-off.

What do you coach: The sport, the player, or the culture?

Of course, we coach within the culture we find ourselves. The average rugby player runs 6-7 km in a match, while the average footballer runs 10-11km. Regardless, a 14-year remains a 14-year whatever jersey they wear.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

What might have been, what could have been, or even what was but is no longer; the desire to be someone.

If you would rather do something, focus on how things are now, or how they could be in the future.

Chief cook and bottlewasher.

I spoke to a friend of mine last week who now sees himself as a facilitator, not a coach.

It went something like this: Too many kids in a small space. Very few of the kids want to learn a skill anyway, and besides “the game is the teacher.”

I get it and maybe you do too.

A facilitator assumes a neutral role, managing group dynamics to meet specified goals and outcomes. In contrast, a babysitter is in charge of the safety of the child in their care, and manages behaviour, often to make their lives easier.

What role do you play?

What stands out?

I’ve tried to steer clear of the “new you, new year’ stuff, but I can’t help but wonder if it crept into my psyche anyway.

Last week I wrote blogs titled: consistency, accountability, and old dog new tricks.

If you want to change what you do, first take a look at what you pay attention to. Here are a few questions that might help:

When you think back over the past week, what thoughts, feelings, or experiences stood out for you? What captured your attention?

What pulls your focus when you’re trying to concentrate on work/a project? What tends to distract you?

What information or input do you tend to zoom in on during conversations? What details stand out?

Consistency

Acting coherently and predictably is to be consistent. But, is consistently trawling social media for new drills and exercises likely to produce a coherent and predictable practice? Unlikely.

Who is going to hold you accountable?

I know strength and conditioning coaches who don’t have anyone review their programs, surgeons who go about their work unquestioned, and managers who continue their work unchallenged.

I’ve no idea if we are too busy, too scared, or if it’s just too difficult to assess, but I do know the word “profession” comes from the Latin word “professus”, which means “affirmed publicly.” We can wait, blame it on others, or find those who will affirm us and hold us accountable.

Not just once when we pass the exam but throughout our professional service.

It’s so tempting to give people the answers

I’ve just finished writing up a workbook for coaches that will be ready in due course. It was so hard to finish because I wanted to give the answers. I wanted so badly for a coach to be able to have something tangible at the end of it all.

But that was not the point. The point was to feel prickly and provoked yet inspired.

I didn’t want them to feel like they had finished; I wanted them to feel they had just begun.

Old dog new tricks

It’s tempting to think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But you can, and you should, it’s a lot of fun. Start with what you can do.

How hard can it be?

Man has been arrogant of his own ability for some time.

Donella Meadows kindly offers this explanation: “We exaggerated our own ability to change the world. We did so not with any intent to deceive others, but in the expression of our own expectations and hopes.”

If that’s true, then provided we do the work to understand the situation we are in trust remains; if not, giving 110% effort might seem like the only way out.

Three hundred and sixty five days

Happy New Year to you!

The kids have a calendar with daily quotes from powerful women for Christmas.

Today’s quote is from Diana Ross: “Instead of looking at the past, I put myself ahead twenty years and try to look at what I need to do now in order to get there then. You can’t just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream. You’ve got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.”

I get it; it’s helpful to look ahead and dream the big dream because today might just be one of those shitty days you would rather forget.

I’ve spent nearly 3 years rehabbing a torn knee cartilage rather than having surgery. I set myself a goal of running around Vic Park, Cardiff, as a Christmas gift to myself. And I bloody did it, well sort of – I pulled my calf, 3/4 of the way around.

The truth is, sometimes today is ugly. Here’s to your health, happiness, and fighting dirty each and every day.

P.S. You can follow my efforts on Strava. My dream this year is to run the same beach I ran as a kid. Only this time, I’m running it with my nephew, Rhys, and if that doesn’t drag me around, I don’t know what will.

Voluntarily

Willing, able, and without expectation – this is the code of the volunteer.

Two of the positions I took up this year fulfilled the brief.

Contributor for the Ysgol Gymraeg Melin Grufydd Bike Bus.

Volunteer Coach with Llandaff Cricket Club.

However, the age group coach with Crocs Cymru didn’t, as my youngest plays for the team.

The Nolan Principles of Public Life, suggests we declare and resolve conflicts of interest. With £430 million in volunteering hours coming into Wales each year, I’m still of the opinion that coaching your own kids is a conflict of interest that needs resolving.

Form is temporary

The saying “Form is temporary, class is permanent” attributed to the legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankly, suggests that, in the end, the better team prevails.

But what if “class” were not about winning or losing, but rather about how you go about your business? Each project, ephemeral in nature defines a moment, not a lifetime.

Ambience and service

Many of us will be out and about this Christmas with family and friends. Perhaps we will be at a friend’s house, with the family, or maybe at a restaurant recommended by others.

In what order would you place:

Food

Service

Ambience

For the 3-star Michelin star chef Marco Pierre White, the order is clear; ambience, service, and then food. So, often we choose to get good at the task, but the task is rarely ever the point. The point, as Marco Pierre White has learnt, is to create expectations and then match them with delivery. 

Counting the cost

I once paid £14,000 for a website I never launched. If you add up the countless hours I spent messing around with it, the cost becomes clearer.

But often it’s not the cost that counts, it’s the burden that we feel.

Count the cost if it makes you feel better, but, likely, it won’t.

Don’t hold back

“Tell me what you really think.”

Fear, anger, anxiety, the need to fill the space, and have our say.

Sometimes coaching is not in what we say but in what we hold back.

Why do you do what you do?

Typically multi-disciplinary teams that support athletes have a head coach. Each head coach has their own ideas about what works and what doesn’t. This makes working for a head coach, a lottery.

By definition, a lottery is a low-chance, high-risk approach. Not what you want to hear when it’s your job on the line. But, it’s important to understand, because you don’t want to all of a sudden be in a place you don’t belong.

You got what it takes

Even if it’s not true, it’s helpful.

It’s helpful because we fall for predetermined outcomes. For example, tomorrow’s meeting is going to be hard work, this project is going to be a success, and this student will never get an A+.

You get the idea.

The first rule of coaching is to believe that the person in front of you has got what it takes. It might not be true, yet, but it is helpful.

What are the odds?

How do you rate your chances of being successful?

How do you rate your chances of doing something helpful, useful, or generous today?

The chances are one will lead to the other.

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