SimonHarlingBlog Posts

Questions for when time runs away with you:

What did you do today that felt “urgent”?

What did you put off today that feels important but not urgent?

How did it make you feel?

How do you want to feel?

I can tell you that today, I struggled: work was dull – not urgent but important. My gift for hanging on in there and interacting with the content was a small insight – a way forward.

Reconciling the powerful gift of practice with how you want to feel is a work in progress.

To be continued……….

Ask “What do you want?” and then work back from the answer.

For example: If you want to run a 5k, in under 20 minutes, what would it take to run a 1k in under 4 minutes? Or 5k in 30 minutes then 25 minutes before running it in 20 minutes. The maths is simple enough.

However, is it the customer’s job to know what they want? Steve Jobs famously said “No!” If the end in mind is “Where can we take the customer?” “What experience are looking to create?” That’s less about feedback and more about how you make the customer feel.

How are they using and working with the product?

“What do want?” is a great coaching question, but it might not be such a great feedback question.

If you know the book The 7 Habits for Effective People (Book notes to follow), you will know it’s a chunky monkey. At the start of the week after a few false starts, I finally finished reading it.

Let’s talk about urgent and important:

Urgent and important tasks take your attention. For example, assembling your daughter’s wardrobe and desk over the weekend. “It wasn’t my idea.” 

On the other hand, Important but not urgent tasks bounce back –  however hard you try to put them off, they keep coming back. Reading the 7 Habits was one of those important but not urgent tasks. It took me over 10 years to finally read it cover to cover. 

Of course, the idea is to spend most of your time working on important but not urgent tasks – it’s a choice. Writing a book, learning Spanish, taking that once-in-a-lifetime trip. None of that is urgent, but it is important, at least to you. 

If fear and doubt are holding you back from what is important but not urgent, know it happens to us all, and that not all impactful tasks are sat on your to-do list. 

When I wrote the Good Coach Bad Coach Manifesto I took a chance. Who was I to write it? Then again who was I not to write it.

I’ll leave you with an interview with Mike Matheny, the author of the Matheny Manifesto.

The cry of a frustrated teacher, coach, parent, or the silent creeping doubt of a creative.

I have no cure for the afflicted but I do have words of wisdom from David Bowie “Always remember that the reason you started originally working, was that there was something inside yourself that you felt that if you could manifest it in some way, you would understand more about yourself and how you co-exist with the rest of society.”

That should do it.

The attraction of going online to coach is clear. No more face-to-face interactions where clients might let you down – whether it’s not showing up, complaining about the traffic, or not doing what you ask them to do.

Online, on your sofa, on the beach. If you’re wasting time, it’s your own, not mine. And best of all it scales.

I know coaches who spend a lot of money on one thing: someone to explain the difference between what is important and urgent, and what is important but not urgent. All the money has done is focussed your attention on what was important but not urgent (systems).

My only hope is that you can recoup your investment and pass on what you’ve learned to your own clients. That way, you’ll both avoid reacting to the latest news, drama, or crisis that washes up on your shores.

I wish you well.

More or less is an idiom often used to describe a rough approximation, “give or take”, or “somewhat.”

When you don’t have enough clients, money, or time for yourself, it appears that you need more, not less. “Or”, doesn’t come into it. The solution is clear.

Unless, of course, you are Einstein: ” You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”

So here goes:

What moves us away from thinking about “more or less,” an infinity axis, a few more or a few less? Definition.

Define your fears. Explore your edges. Find what it means to feel stable and secure for you.

The alternative is to be more or less happy with your lot.

I reintroduced yoga into my physical training routine a few weeks back. Every fourth week I have a down week and play with asymmetrical loaded movements, kettlebells, and body weight drills. But, for some reason, this time I went for yoga.

And for now, it’s become a staple of what I do.

Cricketer Olly Stone credits his recent return to playing Pilates. “You don’t realise until you get in certain positions on the reformer that you’re probably not as strong as you might think.” Also surprised.

Discerning reader, I can’t imagine that you are surprised at this. We rarely are after the fact. And yet…..

Lots of time and effort are put into studying the opposition becuase they hold you back, they get in the way, and perhaps if they win, you lose.

The antagonist-protagonist axis is fuel for many a story.

And yet, perhaps the best story of all is the one about why you are doing what you are doing – lest you forget.

A friend tells a story of being called into a meeting late Friday afternoon. The Managing Director stressed, warns that the company will be in trouble without a change of direction. Something has to change. 

He tells the management team to devise ideas over the weekend to save the company.

My friend reviews the minutes from previous meetings, picks out unfinished tasks, and rehashes the content. However, one of the members of the management team sees this as his long-awaited opportunity to tell his side of the story. 

By Monday morning, our hero prepares a document outlining steps to salvage the company. He distributes copies and instructs everyone to read the information before the meeting.

When the meeting time arrives, the MD enters, throws the report on the desk in disgust, and launches into a tirade.

Who are you to tell me what to do? he cries.

Everyone else awkwardly shuffles their papers and talks about moving the coffee machine or postponing the Christmas party. You get the idea.

If you are willing to be surprised and hear phrases like “I didn’t see that coming!” and “I hadn’t thought of it that way before” then consider a meeting with no agenda.

If, on the other hand, you have an agenda, it’s probably best that everyone else you work with knows it too.

We could try being consistent in running, skipping, or even skipping breakfast in an attempt to live longer, run faster, or feel a bit fitter. But in the end, the consistency that counts is when you show up for yourself.

Skipping can get boring, runners pick up injuries, and sometimes breakfast on a Sunday is nice.

Consistently turning up for yourself – perhaps that’s the consistency you need to focus on not the task that has taken your attention, for now at least.

How do you coach someone who you feel is better than you? Can you coach what you have not achieved? A successful CEO, an Olympic Gold medallist, you get the idea.

The answer is simpler than you might imagine.

I’m sitting on the wrong side of the table, looking through my lens, not yours.

In an audition, pitch, or interview, the idea is the same – do you tell them what you think they want to hear or do you show them where you are?

I recently completed a pitch where I took the second option. Since then, the organiser has ghosted me.

Where does that leave me?

Well, for me it was a win. Just as it’s a win if an actor gets a chance to show the producers of the show what they can do – it’s all we can control. Show up, treat the audition as the job at hand, and do your very best to put across your take on the matter. If you do that, you win, every time. Show up, do the work, and accept the result.

The alternative is to look for a win, in matters you can’t control, and that can be an exhausting place to be.

Selling out is the last rung on the ladder of human hope – failure not so much.

Self-help includes things like books, courses, and workshops. The idea, of course, is that we find a way to do something that until now, someone else would have to do for us.

I’ve just bought an Udemy course that will, I hope, help me build a few one-page websites for content and experiences I have created.

Deciding our obligation to ourselves and society is a good place to start.

When bootstrapping a project, there comes a time when you know how much it’s going to take to get it off the ground. It’s not much, but it’s not free. It’s an exciting and terrifying time.

Here’s a simple example:

You need £3k to kick start a project – not much, but enough to stop and make you think.

Here’s the math:

Product Price: £75

Upside after costs, including distribution: £45

Twenty units cover the set-up costs

The question worth asking at this point is this: What must you see to feel confident enough to ask a family member for the money?

Here’s my suggestion: Trial the cheapest prototype you can make and find 5-10 people who would be willing to buy whatever it is you are producing.

Earn while you learn.

Steven Pressfield calls it “depth of work“; you need both courage and foolishness, maybe not in equal measures, but you need them all the same.

Hubris, on the other hand, has no place unless, of course, you want it to be over. For soon, it surely will.

For the rest of us, ship it and move on to the next one for better or worse.

I could never remember which is which until looking at it differently; trust, interaction, action. A reminder that one without the others is not much use at all.

“If I get it right, I don’t need to be right.”

That’s an entry in my journal that I found today while going through my notes.

What do I mean?

Quentin Tarantino was once schooled in giving actors auditions by Harvey Keitel who told him to wait, don’t give direction – let the actor show you what they think. It could be the only time you have to understand what the actor is thinking. Don’t lose that chance.

Know when to follow and when to lead. Get that right, and you don’t always need to be right.

I can’t tell you how to distinguish between the trap of “Tell me what you want, and I’ll do my best to convince you that what you need is something else,” and asking the question for you to get clear on what you want.

However, I can tell you that while both are intentional, one has its roots in design, and the other in desire.

For example; if I can write for 3 hours a day, train for an hour, and cook dinner for the family, then asking “What do you want?” for a coaching client is important but not hard. The hard work lies in creating the freedom to ask that question without needing to hear a particular answer.

Even when writing a pitch document to a handful of people, you could still be asking too little from too many. As I was today. It’s a nice reminder that we seldom have an attention problem or a lack of followers; it’s much more likely to be a lack of clarity.

Few people want to hear the word “audit” being mentioned. People feel the same way about the word “manifesto”.

The act of publishing and sharing your manifesto with others can open up opportunities for feedback, dialogue, and collaboration. Other coaches, practitioners, or stakeholders may provide valuable insights, critiques, or alternative perspectives that can challenge your thinking and prompt you to refine or expand your coaching philosophy.

The word “audit” comes from the Latin word “audire,” which means “to hear.” An auditor would “hear” the accounts being read aloud and verify their accuracy. Perhaps it’s time to audit our skills as coaches, first for ourselves and then for others to verify their accuracy.

To get started on your coaching manifesto, join me here.

I’ve long thought about an agency that takes the “dirty work” of the coach – planning, paperwork, and performance. Few coaches enjoy it and most think it gets in the way of the job. Ignoring it works until it doesn’t; it’s often too late by then.

Planning after the event gives the illusion that we will do better in the future but that’s not true at all.

If you would like to consider the coach that you want to become then you would do well to consider this workshop.

I’m running a 6-week no-cost guided practice workshop. This workshop offers a rare chance to collaborate with peers and receive guidance as you craft your coaching manifesto.

Find all the details right here. If you know someone who might be interested, I’d appreciate it if you would forward this to them.

Telling you that fear and anxiety are emotions is unlikely to be helpful. Learning how to deal with them, on the other hand, is different. LeDoux’s theory, “Feel First, Make Sense Later,” suggests we feel then we make sense.

In short, talking about the emotions associated with fear and anxiety is helpful; thinking your brain is somehow doubling down on sending signals to your body, not so much.

Tx

Summarising what just happened to allow us to “understand” it is much less helpful than reducing an event to its core principles.

For example, resisting the urge to act on the feedback of one event versus reviewing the design of the event to consider central tenants such as ownership, leadership, and belonging.

The opposite of competence is incompetence, and that’s something we would rather avoid. Only, in avoiding incompetence, good enough might just be enough, and that’s a trap we seem to fear less, than incompetence itself.

Tonight I had a lot of fun assisting in a softball session. I’m not a softball coach, but I am interested in working with people to figure out what they want to do, particularly in sports.

One of the girls was as unconvinced about her batting prowess as I was convinced I had no clue about the right way to swing a softball bat.

“What do you want me to do?” I said while trying to demonstrate a shot. Of course, we know it’s easier to tell someone else what to do than it is to do it ourselves! Just ask a busy, disorganised dad what his kid needs to do.

Resist the urge and make a fool of yourself instead.

“Show me again!”

By their very nature, if they are not shared but owned by one, then they are likely to be selfish.

I know I’ve done it and as I sit watching the Olympics, I can’t help but wonder how many of those athletes have fallen into the same trap.

If I win (except in a race), then do you lose?

Not what I assume, or wish for, but what do I think is going to happen? What can I expect in the next 90 days? It’s a great question because if you can’t predict with certainty what is going to happen, then what can you expect?

I filled out my answers today:

Complete the script for the Udemy course by the close of the school holidays.

Look for 10 coaches to work through the content in September – Active Users.

Meanwhile, read through with AN Other for sense and takeaways.

Film content for the course when the narrative arc is clear and users have interacted with the content.

And actually, what’s really going on:

Creating the space to write for 3 hours a day.

Collaboration

Flexibility

Iterative approach

All of this doesn’t come “naturally” but I’ve come to expect it of myself.

What are you expecting?

The best idea wins, it’s that simple. It doesn’t matter where it comes from, it just has to be the best way to reach the end. And herein lies the real problem: What do you want? I mean really want?

In 6 words or less. Go!

The coach who wants her players to have belief in what they do is building belief in what she thinks is important.

The customer service rep who speaks up on behalf of her clients is learning to speak up for what she believes in.

When we believe in something bigger than us, it rubs off, try it.

Ain’t that the truth. How could you?

Amongst the hustle and the bustle, there is interaction. The artist who begins a story, a project, a self-reflective script, or anything that requires you to give a little. Of course, the end in mind is not the end we get, but that’s ok. We got what we needed; it’s just not what we wanted.

In giving a little (in the beginning at least), we learn a little bit more about ourselves and what we need.

If you are a coach, but not much of a writer, then write a self-reflective script. Not to understand what’s gone before, as that’s unlikely to be accurate, but to know more about what you are likely to pay attention to in the future.

It might surprise you.

Talking to a friend of mine last week, who’s heading out to the Scottish Isles, our chat turned to the practice of “crofting” and its undeniable inconvenience.

Hhmm!

Odd, then, that so many of us hanker for an organic smallholding somewhere far, far away. Crofters can’t pack it up quickly enough, and yet, the rest of us dream of an idyllic lifestyle of self-sufficiency. Convenience leads to boredom and monotony; inconvenience to trials and tribulations.

And just like so many things in life, it’s all or nothing – a life of seeking out one or the other. Of course, there is an answer, and that’s intentional design – a dash of inconvenience and a lump of convenience, or however else you want to slice it.

The truth is few of us spend any time thinking through our lives as a project in process. When was the last time you sat and looked at the assumptions you hold, the constraints that confront you, or the resources that are available to you? My guess is not at all.

I’m not off to take up crofting anytime soon, but I invite you to challenge your ideas around a desire for convenience and the real need for inconvenience in our lives.

Attendee Feedback:

What attendees liked:

• Meeting other coaches
• Discussing personal situations and listening to others
• SWOT analysis of coaching practice
• Communication methods
• Informal structure and environment
• Open group chats
• Social aspect
• Openness to share real challenges
• Flexibility in choosing topics on the day

What attendees wished for:

• Exploring a second subject
• More Coach Camps
• Coming prepared with specific ideas to discuss
• Coach Camps in locations beyond Cardiff
• Opportunity to hear from other groups
• More time for additional topics

One Thing Attendees Will Apply to Their Practice

• Co-produce coaching sessions
• Taking time to communicate beyond just physical aspects
• Having specific ideas to discuss
• Conducting a SWOT analysis of coaching
• Use a personal coaching/teaching diary for practice reflection

What excited me most about Coach Camp was the switch from focusing on external factors (engagement, elite coaching behaviours) to internal development and self-awareness – an “inside-out” paradigm perspective shift.

On the day, we spoke about creative tension; this idea that we live with both a good coach and a bad coach and that we need both. Well, here it is in all its beauty:

We all walked away thinking “I can do better than that.“

But it’s also worth remembering that we all did what we said we would do, which is show up and be open, curious, and willing to share our experiences. Chapeau!

The opposite of convenient is inconvenient, defined as causing trouble or annoyance for you. Convenience, on the other hand, is there when you want it: a car when you want to get somewhere, a snack when you are hungry, a phone for when you are bored.

Tomorrow we say goodbye to 4 years of inconvenience: bad weather, longer travel times, and dark winter nights. I’m going to miss the inconvenience of riding with my kids to school every day, so much.

I’ve learned that inconvenience is a feeling, and it’s well worth reconsidering what we think it is because the cost might be less than you think.

Diolch, Ysgol Melin Gruffydd. We will miss you in our lives.

Data drives decisions in sports science. We used to tell you where you were and where you had been, and now we can almost predict where you will be. But are we data-driven or driven by data?

If you are not clear on the question you are asking, then the data is driving you.

“It happens to the best of us” might just be a better place to start from.

Imagine that you are a 9-year-old child standing waiting to take your first steps onto an academy football pitch.

You have been chosen to take part in an Academy program that over the next 3 years will introduce you to the idea of Long Term Athletic Development. Together with football training and competitive football matches, there is a “FUNdamental” world of physical activity waiting for you.

As a 12-year-old looking back over those three years, what has to have happened for you to feel happy with your time at the Academy?

I’ve heard coaches say their job is to make the next coach’s job easier. I know parents who want their children to be happy, and successful, and above all to still be in the program.

You get my point.

I’ve designed events, courses, and even training programs that have the end in mind. Sometimes, I write a dream review, putting myself in the user’s shoes – what do I want to happen?

It’s a question worth asking.

What do I want to happen?

The 70:20:10 model suggests we learn via assignments, developmental relationships, and coursework or training. How did researchers develop this model? They used a questionnaire.

Yeah, you guessed it.

Coach the person, not the model.

Whether it’s applying for a job (putting your qualifications to use), applying a theory to real-world situations (putting knowledge into practice), or applying software to solve a problem (putting a tool to work), your application is only as good as the result it produces.

Being clear on the desired result might be a good place to start but since multiple applications are usually required, versatility is perhaps more helpful.

“You can have whatever you want, just not that.” That, whatever “that” is, is out of reach. Only the elite, the 1%, can have “that.”

It pays to be clear on what “that” is and if “that” is really what you want.

Do “elite” coaches have the “x factor” because of luck, benefit of the doubt, or skill? Becuase, if it’s a skill, then it’s open to you, you can have “that.” For all else, see luck, and you’re right you might not always get “that.”

There is little point in putting on an event if no one else is there. Tennis is not the same on your own. But, for eveything else, it’s worth asking: Would I still do it if…

Pay the force to do the work or do the work to create a force you choose.

Whether you are trying to concisely and precisely sum something up using a six-word story, or learning to communicate effectively, this phrase is one that never lets me down, even if I can’t see a way forward at the time: “Use the difficulty.”

If you don’t share a common language with your players or coachee, you are not on the same page, and that’s a problem. It might be that you share the same language, but its meaning has been lost in translation. Or, one or both parties are not listening. Whatever the reason, a communication breakdown is in play.

I want to learn to coach in Welsh (Dw i’n eisiau dysgu hyfforddi yn Gymraeg), and this has got me thinking about the shift from being an “expert” English language speaker to a “learner” Welsh speaker.

I now sit with my players as a learner. My coaching vocabulary is reexamined. How much I say and when I say it is going to change. And more than anything, I’m looking forward to working with my players to look at words, cues, and phrases that they want to hear or think will be useful.

To be continued (I’w barhau).

Here are four questions worth thinking about when we try to teach someone something:

1. How hard is it to learn the thing you are teaching me?
2. How much change will be created by the thing you are teaching me?
3. What’s the prize I get at the end of learning whatever it is that you are teaching me?
4. Is all of this worth the time, effort, and money (resources) I will need to invest to learn what you teach me?

Since most internship offers seem to be oversubscribed, there appears to be no lack of desire, effort, or resources to complete them. That said, it’s worth asking these questions before you jump in. But for now, let’s concentrate on the prize at the end of completing an internship:

• An entry on a CV – least favourite outcome but maybe you think it is better than nothing.
• A foot in the door to a job at the place you intern – the most hopeful outcome.
• The experience taught you something useful or changed your mind about what you do and who you do it for – the most surprising outcome.
• Last but not least, during your time as an intern you created and shipped something – a project, a piece of work, or a reflective script – out in the open, for all to see.

For the last one to happen, the environment likely contained one or all of the following elements:

• Peer review meetings
• Self-reflective scripts
• 360 Degree Feedback
• Shadow Coaching
• Deliberate practice
• Mindfulness practice

Intentional design is at the heart of an internship experience, and it’s clear from talking to students who have experienced it firsthand that it’s a buyer-beware market.

I hope this helps you make an informed choice.

No doubt it’s a popular function. You take something you like and you put it somewhere else. While there are clear, if not often ignored, restrictions on when and where this is acceptable, it’s hard to ignore its role in art and popular culture – emulating, adapting, and ultimately reworking material.

We can get hung up on someone copying our work and yet it’s much more likely that you have already copied someone else.

I love a six-word story. Long enough to mean something, not so long that you forget the point, and like a mantra, easy to repeat.

Enlighten us but make it quick.

“How we do things around here.”

Context, experience, and group dynamics all play their part in conventional wisdom.

And if you don’t like it, change it.

Cyclists put energy into cycling, but not everything appears through the pedals. The bike and cyclist waste some energy through inefficiency. What’s left propels the bike forward.

People spend much time and money considering the inefficiencies of man and machine. They also celebrate the power produced at the pedal. And yet, you could argue that sitting on a bike wastes no effort.

In the book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Stephen Covey asks, “What one thing could you do that, if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous difference to your life?”

The same question forms the basis for Tim Ferriss’s podcast – what do you do with your time that the rest of us don’t?

Are these both questions about the secret sauce? I’m not sure they are.

Instead, don’t look for success; look for commitment, and within that practice, it’s much more likely that you will find success, whatever that means.

Sometimes I plan too much. Other times, I don’t plan enough. I say “no” when I should have said “yes” and “yes” when I….you get the picture.

Looking at yesterday with today’s eyes.

What’s in the way today? Deal with that.

“If you can’t find it, then build it” is a useful way to look at things.

But that’s not the same as saying “I’ve built it, and now I think you need it.”

I’m not saying you won’t – you might – but it’s worth remembering why you built it in the first place: because you needed it, no one else.

“It’s here if you think you need it” might just be a better offer.

 If you need a place where you can go, find your voice, talk aloud, and iterate on what you are working on, then Coach Camp might just be for you.

What do you want to do with your time? Vs What do you do with your time?

Is it really time management?

Or is it about time you led?

What do you do if the goal is to lift a 10kg weight 10 times?

Or to get 10% of children in Wales (approx 54,000) to play tennis regularly?

The most obvious thing to do might be to begin by breaking down the task at hand – lift a 10kg weight once, or get a few schools to start incorporating tennis into their PE lessons.

But, what if our weightlifter focussed on something bigger, more inspiring, like lifting 100kg once? What would happen?

The goal of the Athletic Skills Model is to give focus to the idea that there are 10 physical skills that a child should master.

The one most of interest in this example is:

Throw, catch, hit and aim

Sports include:

Squash

Badminton

Cricket

Softball

Rounders

Padel

Table Tennis

What if all these sports could coordinate their resources to ensure all kids in Wales spent a share of their time in the year, hitting, throwing, catching, and aiming using ONE generic activity, like street racket, for example?

It’s hard to imagine that the shared learnings from that coordinated action would not bring significant change, cooperation, and a positive experience for children in Wales. Rather than focus on what seems important, focus on something bigger, and let it teach you.

Here is the next Coach Camp event – if you know a coach in Wales involved in sports who is ready to think bigger than themselves, please share this link.

Tx

I’m watching local leisure service providers struggling to make it work and it’s heartbreaking because it’s a passion project for many.

For example, one charges £32 monthly for a membership and £14 for a one-off session. With not enough belief in what they do for their members to ask for more money, an excessive charge for the curious and uncommitted seems more reasonable to them.

You don’t have to please everyone but you do need to find enough people who care to make it work.

A job description lists all the actions required to fulfill the job, yet omits the sum of its parts – the one thing that, if done well, makes the job worthwhile.

For example, an Athletic Development Coach monitors GPS data, provides on-field conditioning, and delivers gym-based strength and conditioning sessions. The temptation is to continue to build the list – just one more thing.

An athlete develops when their GPS data improves, their strength scores go up, or their mileage increases. True. However, athletic development happens when the athlete believes in what they are doing and is committed to practice; that’s athletic development.

It’s a leap of faith because you are giving up something measurable for something immeasurable – that’s why it’s a leap of faith.

In a world full of experts, spreadsheets, and metrics, it’s hard to make a leap of faith. It’s much more likely to feel like a drop in status or a whim when in truth it’s because you have seen something worth the risk.

Like cycling to school with the kids when the car is quicker.

Or, using sports as a tool to teach group dynamics, leadership, and agency, not as a measure of success.

The things that really matter can’t be measured and that’s a leap of faith.

That’s where I am right now, thinking about Coach Camp and asking: “What does better mean?”

Notice I didn’t say deciding what better means.

Better for me, might just mean, easier to run.

In truth, the hard part might just mean, it’s not you who decides.

Some people are just not listening. It’s not that they don’t get it; they haven’t even tried to get it. Move on.

A question from the curious listener might go something like this: “What are you seeing that is interesting to you right now?”

Not only is it easy to tell the difference, but only one makes a difference.

“Should I do this thing?”, is not the same as asking “Could I do this thing?” Here are a few questions to help:

What are you doing to fit in?

What would you need to do to stand out?

What would it look like? Feel like? Sound like?

What will be different?

Yesterday I played my first game of 11-a-side football in over 20 years. It was a game for the coaches, following a kids’ football festival in Sully, South Wales.

After a tentative start, I got into the game. The more I got into the game, the more I began noticing the mistakes I made.

I had a one-minute coaching conversation with myself that went like this: “You are making more mistakes because you are trying more things, not because you are too old, or too rusty to play this game. Relax.”

That was it.

After that, I played with a freedom that I associated with playing with my mates when I was a kid. That’s a feeling few of us ever want to lose, and for the next 30 or 40 minutes of the game, that’s what I had, and it was magical.

I share this because I’m aware that there are so many more possible experiences I could have had that day, both negative and positive – it’s worth recognising how hard it is to give yourself fully to an experience.

Useful when being clear, concise, and conversational. I’ll take that.

Here is my word cloud taken from the last 15 blogs I’ve written – a follow-up from checking what AI said about my reflective scripts and blogs:

Hearing from the ugly sisters is never a problem – loud, brash, and quick to share their views.

On the other hand, creating an opportunity for everyone who wants to contribute, it’s intentional.

It’s not hard but it does require you to think about it.

For example, at Ignite Cardiff the rules are such that they support the speaker:

5-minute slots – no need to worry about how long your talk should be for.

Slides change every 15 seconds – no one is labouring the point.

The slide deck is a simple template – all you have to do is concentrate on what you have to say.

At a time when we are shying away from telling people what to do, it’s worth remembering that it’s not who makes the rules that are important, it’s the intention behind them that matters.

If the story of Cinderella teaches us anything, it is that inclusive design is not about a retrofit.

Sometimes the person holding the map is not interested in the territory only the map. There are countless examples of this in history. The tragic oxycontin story is one such example.

If the success of the person holding the map, depends on the map being right, walk away.

To date, I’ve written 816 published blogs, and what strikes me is how clearly you can see what I’ve been reading about and thinking about at that time.

For example, in the last 90 days I read Improv Wisdom and Fooled by Randomness.

Here is what AI had to say about my reflective scripts and blogs: “The recurring themes seem to be reflection, action, creative expression, and embracing the unpredictability of life. Overall, the author seems to have gained clarity on their priorities and adopted a more balanced, improv-oriented approach to life.”

I’d read both books again in a heart beat.

If you don’t have Impact, Influence, and Leadership as an Athletic Entrepreneur, you don’t have the time, money, or clients. The more clients you have, the more time and money you have – it’s a circular argument. The question is, how much influence, impact, and leadership do you need to get where you want to go?

Maybe a better question is to ask, whom do I need impact, influence, and leadership over? It could just be you.

Few coaches I know have ever published their ideas on coaching.

Publishing a manifesto can be seen as a self-aggrandising act – an act of self-interest. An interest in self, and a lack of interest in what others might think, is also a great reason to publish a manifesto.

To tell them apart, look for the cause, not the effect.

When I write, the first handful of drafts are for me; by the end of it, I sound smart, like I know what I am talking about (although, history doesn’t always bear that out).

Once that need is satisfied, the real work of writing something useful can begin.

I’m done.

And if tomorrow it’s still just the way you left it, then you didn’t need those fairies anyway.

See you on Day One.

In 1992, the EU issued a directive that common household goods must carry an energy label – the thinking was simple enough. If the consumer was better informed, then perhaps the choice would be made in favour of an energy-efficient make and model. The clever part was leaving the “A” rating empty, prompting manufacturers to fill that space, thereby driving further innovation in the field.

Just how illuminating is the course, event, or talk you are giving, and with the “A” slot open, what would we need to create to fill that gap? These are the questions I asked myself recently, after creating Coach Camp.

How does Coach Camp fare?

Here it is through the lens of Situation, Evaluation, Decision, and Action (SEDA):

Situation: The unconference format of Coach Camp allows participants to identify situational problems or topics they want to discuss.

Evaluation: Through open discussion sessions, participants can evaluate the situation, and share information and perspectives.

Decision: Participants can then decide on potential solutions, strategies, or action plans.
Action: The hands-on nature of Coach Camp allows for implementing and practicing what was discussed.

And through the lens of Bloom’s Taxonomy:

The open discussions and knowledge sharing in Coach Camp can facilitate lower-order cognitive skills like remembering and understanding concepts. As participants examine problems/topics from multiple perspectives, they engage in analysis skills. Evaluating different solutions and best practices utilises the evaluation level of Bloom’s taxonomy.

Where does that leave us?

The critics will tell us that there is no place in Coach Education for “water cooler” conversations, and maybe they are right. The coaches on their way to being “expert coaches” will have no time to waste, they could be right too. But, there will be others who will see a learning environment as a shared endeavour, it’s about the cohort.

Coach Camp is an unconference, social learning format – a way of bringing people together to understand where they are, share what they are working on, and create new ideas. To practice the very skills, like cooperation, communication, and critical thinking that are required to shift from talking to doing.

I’m sure you are ahead of me, but here it is anyway – the intent behind the EU energy label was simple – we can do better than this.

What are you doing with the knowledge you have? Are you playing with it? I hope so.

What have you got?

From the kid who has found a bug in the garden to the scientist who has found a bug in the system. It’s a question that goes to the heart of the matter. Do you understand what you have, and what it does?

No question you can shout from the side of a pitch and issue instructions that players will likely follow as best as possible for a quick result. But if you do that often enough, it becomes clear the voice creates the response, not what the player senses.

Yesterday I watched a team get soundly beaten because the players grasped poorly how to restart a dead ball situation. The temptation was to shout and scream. During the break, I asked the players what positions they thought the back two players should occupy on the pitch during a restart:

1 finger in the air was position A; 2 fingers in the air was position B and so on up to D.

Here are the results:

A: 2 B: 1 C: 4 D: 3

You get my point – it pays to be clear on the long and the short of what we do.

How can we both be right? One of us has to be wrong and the other right, we cancel each other out, right? Wrong, it’s not maths, where the rules are clear.

Two opposing perspectives are not as mutually exclusive as you might imagine.

Why would anyone listen to an expert, manager, or coach who has no grasp of the situation you currently face, or how you have arrived at an evaluation of that situation, yet challenge the decisions you make or the actions you take?

Pretty silly isn’t it?

When Eddie the Eagle risked life and limb to take off in the 70 and 90 m ski jump events at the 1988 Calgary Olympics, the world embraced his efforts. In fact, the worse he did, the more popular he became. For the rest of us, mediocrity on the way to better, won’t draw the crowds, but it will allow you to focus on the job at hand.

The latest TikTok viral debate is to ask the hypothetical question: Would you rather be stuck in a forest with, a man or a bear?

If you find yourself stuck in a room with people you don’t know, it’s a smart move to agree on how you each want to behave, and what to do if that expectation is broken.

Bears, on the other hand, not so much.

Tx Graydin Coaching

Turtles make progress when they stick their neck out.

Safe enough for you to do it, risky enough for it to matter, we all need a place where success is not as important as commitment.

Tx Seth Godin

If social interaction, reflection, and hands-on learning are your thing then here are a few challenges worth considering:

Being curious takes practice: Holding back, listening, and then asking questions, not offering an opinion is hard.

Inside-out approach: When topics are offered up, check that the topic is within the control of the person offering it up. It’s easy to talk around a subject where the problem is “out there” and not in the room.

Be patient: Look for commitment, not success.

And finally, when you accept that the problem is in the room, the good news is, so too is the solution.

According to IAAF records, Jim Ray Hines was the first person to break 10 seconds for the 100-metre dash in 1968. To put that time into context, fewer than 180 sprinters have ever run faster than 10 seconds for the 100 metres. “Lightning” Louis Rhys Zammit who has recently signed for the Kansas City Chiefs, has a PB of 10.44 seconds.

Why am I telling you all this? Because, with the advent of faster tracks, better equipment, and a huuuge focus on performance enhancement not much has changed. Jim Ray Hines would have made the final of the Tokyo 2020 Men’s final.

Before you focus on improving a skill it’s worth asking how much change you can expect to create. True, you can dramatically improve the speed of a slow person or child, but instead of what? Enjoyment, agency, or social skills.

Perhaps you were born in September, maybe you remind the coach of a player who went on to do great things, or you have a particular skill that catches the eye. Whatever it is, the end result is the same – we confuse skill with luck. The issue, of course, in time, and over time, luck disappears – physical size might no longer matter, the coach changes and the skill you had down is no longer the only show in town.

I’m not sure much will ever change when the game is to win because luck is as good as skill in the here and now. But, what can change is our understanding of luck, skill, and probability and that’s important because we are telling kids who are committed that it’s their skill that is not up to scratch when really what we mean is they are simply out of luck.

Tx: Fooled by Randomness

What a wonderful outcome for a learning event.

Not, “I’ve done enough” or “Look how well I did.” But, “I feel inspired to do more.”

What was good enough then is not good enough now, I’m moving, I’m learning, and I’m ready to do better.

Innovation doesn’t happen because you want it to – it happens in the most unlikely of places with people on a mission.

If you are done waiting – put your name to something and lean in to make it work.

It’s not too late to join Coach Camp – I hope to see you there.

You must have a point. Everyone has a point, don’t they?

For example, when you write a book you have a point. You might well have started to write to get clear on your point but the point you start with is rarely the same point you end with and maybe that’s the point.

Get enough “no’s” early on in a discussion about your ideas and it’s tempting to imagine the majority rules. But, that would be missing the point. Don’t look for the “no’s”; look for those who are as intolerant as you with skin in the game – let the mob move on. They might think they rule, but then again, they might not be thinking at all.

A term often used by coaches.

A way of saying, “I’m trying to control the uncontrollable, and it’s not going too well.”

Maybe it’s easier than saying “No one is listening” or “No one cares.”

But that might just be more useful as it’s a clue to the solution -start listening and meet people where they are – show them that you care.

Michael Caine once said, “Use the mistake.”

Actors are supposed to learn their lines and not bump into the furniture, but on the odd occasion that they do, they use it. Either to make the audience laugh or to show emotion.

What can you make of it?

Although the idea is that a present is passed from one person because the motion is circular, the aim is to be the one it lands with when the music stops. We give to receive. The true nature of a gift is when the motion is forward, we don’t give to receive; we give to keep the energy of the gift alive.

Now there’s a tricky question.

What if they say no? What if they didn’t miss me? Am I redundant?

3 questions worth asking while you are away from work:

What did you learn while I was away?

What didn’t you miss about me being around?

What did you miss?

For all the fear of redundancy, the opportunity to find your spot, the place where you belong is worth the risk.

What would not get done if I were not here?

Coaching is participatory and active; it requires us to do and maybe that starts with talking about what it is we think we do.

Link to Coach Camp event here.

When Bill Murray walked into the Art Institute of Chicago and looked at the painting “The Song of the Lark” by Jules Adolphe Breton, he saw a woman standing in a field at sunrise. If she could get up and go to work for one more day, then so could he. Was it a sign to carry on?

Others see a sunset.

And that’s my point – we need art, and its ability to meet people where they are and provide meaning. I’ve come to see coaching in that way, an artistic endeavour, a creative process – not a science. There is science in sport, of course, but not in coaching.

When we think of success, we think of sacrifice, of paying in blood sweat, and tears – are we willing to pay the price?

Probabilistic thinking asks us to view each possible contingent as distinct and separate events with probability attached to each. Few of us think of the cost of failure – of the alternative histories that await – we probably wouldn’t do it if we knew.

A simple way to think about it:

Don’t be fooled by past success, if failure is too costly to bear -and certainly don’t confuse luck for skill.

Youth Sport. Athletic Entrepreneurs. Red Bull Athletes.

A friend of mine passed her exams today. Eighteen months of handing in assignments, corrections, and deadlines. And above all else, she learned this:

Make yourself accountable to someone.

Build boundaries around study time.

Having a clear endpoint – much like a project has a start and an end.

You could argue that the material learned will soon fade but the lessons learned about how to be productive might just stick around.

When an actor turns up for an audition, something often unknown, determines the success or failure of that run out. After all, if you are called for an audition, you have much the same skills and experience, as the rest of the hopefuls; that’s why you are there. But in the end, your face fits or it doesn’t.

The same is true of coaching, rather than assuming it’s your skill, imagine it’s your luck and dig a little deeper:

What are your roles as a coach?

How are you expected to act?

What does that look like in practice?

You can’t change a person’s first impression but you can change the mold they create for you.

You could stay silent on the idea you have for your coaching practice. Perhaps, the question you would like to ask is not that great a question after all, or maybe that topic you want to discuss is not that interesting to anyone else.

And maybe that’s true.

But what if it isn’t?

And even if it is true, don’t you now know more than you did before?

I’m delighted to say that on Friday 17th May 2024, you can join other coaches, who just like you have been wondering if they should speak up. You can find details and an FAQ here.

I hope to see you there.

Perhaps a better question is why do you teach? Although we can’t be sure of the accuracy of the answer; there are some obvious forces in play.

As Nicholas Taleb points out, if you are teaching how to retire wealthy then it’s clear it’s a hustle since you are not retired.

If you are teaching because it’s what you need to learn, that’s an excellent way to learn, and provided we are honest, a reasonable way to make a living.

And if you are teaching because you are an expert, if your environment is designed around “should” not “could,” that’s more about utopia than it is about learning.

Much like we never step into the same river twice, the decisions a coach makes are neither repeatable nor reversible once the moment has passed. We get what we get. But that is not the same as believing that amongst the unimaginable possible outcomes -alternative histories – we got what we got because it was meant to be.

The problem is not that you have emotions, it’s what you do with them, that’s the problem.

While the kids I was coaching were getting frustrated at the exercise I had provided, I was feeling unsure and insecure. Wasn’t this supposed to be enjoyable?

Finally, one of the kids came up to me and said. “I get it, I don’t like it, but I get it. I know why you are doing this.”

Coaching is about emotions; we feel it, then we think it.

At least once a year, I get together with a group of my old university friends. We each live in different cities and lead busy lives. Each time, one of us has to start the conversation about where and when we will meet.

It’s usually always me. An offer is made. That offer is changed to suit the group, and then we book it.

I have come to see coaching in the same way, my role is to make an offer and know that it’s not my final answer.

I love it.

When we are clear about what our event, conference, or workshop is for, we increase our chances of putting people off, but the upside is that those who come will be glad they showed up.

Here are some edges worth thinking about:

Engagement………………..Enrollment 

Many……………….. Few

Closed………………..Open 

Easy………………..Difficult

Fast………………..Slow

Expensive………………..Cheap

Risky………………..Safe

Me……………….. You

Education………………..Learning

Expert………………..Beginner

General………………..Particular 

Passive………………..Active

Reflection………………..Action 

Art can make the truth more palatable writes Nicholas Taleb in his book Fooled by Randomness. I think that is the genius of Pressfield and his book The War of Art. Pressfield has made the truth – the struggle to express oneself – more bearable.

What has this to do with coaching?

John Wooden once said and I’m paraphrasing, “I don’t want great athletes; I want people to be themselves.” And that, folks, is harder than it sounds.