SimonHarlingBlog Posts

“Don’t stop when you are tired, stop when you are done” is a mantra for the resilient.

But what if “Don’t stop when you’re tired, stop when you’re done” was a reminder to decide when to quit, not a judgment on why you quit?

If we struggle to know what to put on the exam paper, we’re taught to slow down and reread the question.

However, in life, it’s not quite that simple. We may have an opinion or believe that we know the answer, but do we really know the question?

A family situation is frustrating a friend of mine. To him, the answer appears clear, but the same could be said for the other members of his family – they all believe they know the answer. So, what’s the real question?

The truth is, they don’t know, and that’s because it’s difficult – as many family feuds are – and no one really wants to talk about it.

Recently, Steve Hansen, the Kiwi rugby coach, selected and coached a World XV team. As part of his selection, he picked Isreal Folau. The issues were clear, and so too was Hansen’s approach. Instead of seeking to defend or condone Folau’s actions, he drew attention to the question:

Pick the best XV rugby players in the world and then coach them to win.

That’s it. Leadership is about finding a way forward, and that begins with understanding the question that you are answering because one thing you can be sure of is those you lead all think they know the answer.

I’ve been the subject of a few clumsy sales calls recently. Interest in a product or service is not the same as being ready to buy. To avoid jumping forward here is a question that might help take a step back.

If you say yes to this, what are you saying no to?

If hope propels us forward and fear holds us back then we should be wary, but not weary of both.

As a family, since I last wrote about the cookie jar we’ve taken to sitting with our journals each week and dropping notes of the things that we are proud of or want to remind ourselves about.

This week, we emptied the jar ready for the year ahead and made a scrapbook containing all the entries from last year.

Here are some entries:

“Sailing for the first time. I was scared but I did it anyway.”

“I hurt my finger in gym but did gym anyways. I’m really happy.”

“Front flip for the first time on my own.”

It struck me as a great way to track what we were working on, where it all began, and how we got on.

The first problem is unlikely to be the real issue, much like a writer offers the resolution before successfully outlining the problem space. Being clear about what we are thinking is harder than talking about what we did or didn’t do.

Proof of concept requires you to ask others for help. Asking for help is not always easy, but if done well, it can benefit both parties.

Getting clear on the following helps:

What are you looking for?

What type of help do you want?

What does success look like?

What’s your focus?

What are your strengths?

What are your gaps?

What are you expecting?

Learn to ask for what you want. It’s helpful. Besides the potential upside for the helper is new stuff; information, connection, and maybe something that works.

Julian Mc Donald the famous designer doesn’t have a dress shop on Merthyr High Street.

Jude Bellingham doesn’t go home to the West Midlands for a kickabout on a Sunday.

Tom Jones will be in Vagas not the working men’s clubs of Wales’.

But rather than wishing that Merthyr was more like Paris, wouldn’t it be better to make it more like Merthyr?

A PE lesson is no time to clown about. Teamwork makes the dream work not comedy capers.

However, teamwork is an illusion, if the people on the team are not in agreement.

The working title for my next writing project is “Gym Rules”.

I’ve started with an easy one. Do let me know what you think:

All starting points are equally valid:

Walking into a gym for the first time can be daunting, especially if you don’t know where to start. 

If any or all of the items listed below are running through your head, pick one and begin: 

Moving more

Moving further 

Moving faster

Lifting more 

Posture

Mobility 

Accountability 

Resilience

Mindset

Showing up

Organising your week

Meal planning

Organising your life

The next time a coach asks you. What would you like coaching on today? Accept the first thing that comes to your mind, begin, and continue doing what comes next. 

Pretty soon, you will have a much better idea of the order that you want to put things in, but to get started deal with what’s in front of you.

Maxim from Improv Wisdom

By sweeping into the assembly wearing his robes, my old school headmaster earned himself the nickname “Batman.”

Batman, unlike many superheroes, possesses no superpowers – only intellect, guile, and admittedly, a nice pad if mansions and a Batcave are your thing.

Upfront is not always about who’s in charge, or attention; sometimes it’s about presence, intent, and grace.

Aiming to write 500 words a day is unlikely to afford you the same success as Stephen King, in fact, it might even put you off a career as a writer.

I know I tried. When I started out writing, I even googled “How many words does Stephen King write a day?”

Can I write 500 words a day? Sure. Will they be any good? Maybe.

With nothing to aim for we can feel aimless but aimless might just be better than clueless. Better questions give us better answers.

What’s on your mind?

It is not uncommon for a Strength and Conditioning Coach to work across sports. A coach I was speaking to recently changed how he behaved based on the sport.

Poorly behaved rugby players did laps while football players got a telling-off.

What do you coach: The sport, the player, or the culture?

Of course, we coach within the culture we find ourselves. The average rugby player runs 6-7 km in a match, while the average footballer runs 10-11km. Regardless, a 14-year remains a 14-year whatever jersey they wear.

What might have been, what could have been, or even what was but is no longer; the desire to be someone.

If you would rather do something, focus on how things are now, or how they could be in the future.

I spoke to a friend of mine last week who now sees himself as a facilitator, not a coach.

It went something like this: Too many kids in a small space. Very few of the kids want to learn a skill anyway, and besides “the game is the teacher.”

I get it and maybe you do too.

A facilitator assumes a neutral role, managing group dynamics to meet specified goals and outcomes. In contrast, a babysitter is in charge of the safety of the child in their care, and manages behaviour, often to make their lives easier.

What role do you play?

I’ve tried to steer clear of the “new you, new year’ stuff, but I can’t help but wonder if it crept into my psyche anyway.

Last week I wrote blogs titled: consistency, accountability, and old dog new tricks.

If you want to change what you do, first take a look at what you pay attention to. Here are a few questions that might help:

When you think back over the past week, what thoughts, feelings, or experiences stood out for you? What captured your attention?

What pulls your focus when you’re trying to concentrate on work/a project? What tends to distract you?

What information or input do you tend to zoom in on during conversations? What details stand out?

Acting coherently and predictably is to be consistent. But, is consistently trawling social media for new drills and exercises likely to produce a coherent and predictable practice? Unlikely.

I know strength and conditioning coaches who don’t have anyone review their programs, surgeons who go about their work unquestioned, and managers who continue their work unchallenged.

I’ve no idea if we are too busy, too scared, or if it’s just too difficult to assess, but I do know the word “profession” comes from the Latin word “professus”, which means “affirmed publicly.” We can wait, blame it on others, or find those who will affirm us and hold us accountable.

Not just once when we pass the exam but throughout our professional service.

“When you need one.” Warren Buffett.

For the rest of us books like Predictably Irrational help.

When buying a house, to be smart, anchor to your conditions not those of the market.

I’ve just finished writing up a workbook for coaches that will be ready in due course. It was so hard to finish because I wanted to give the answers. I wanted so badly for a coach to be able to have something tangible at the end of it all.

But that was not the point. The point was to feel prickly and provoked yet inspired.

I didn’t want them to feel like they had finished; I wanted them to feel they had just begun.

It’s tempting to think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But you can, and you should, it’s a lot of fun. Start with what you can do.

Man has been arrogant of his own ability for some time.

Donella Meadows kindly offers this explanation: “We exaggerated our own ability to change the world. We did so not with any intent to deceive others, but in the expression of our own expectations and hopes.”

If that’s true, then provided we do the work to understand the situation we are in trust remains; if not, giving 110% effort might seem like the only way out.

Happy New Year to you!

The kids have a calendar with daily quotes from powerful women for Christmas.

Today’s quote is from Diana Ross: “Instead of looking at the past, I put myself ahead twenty years and try to look at what I need to do now in order to get there then. You can’t just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream. You’ve got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.”

I get it; it’s helpful to look ahead and dream the big dream because today might just be one of those shitty days you would rather forget.

I’ve spent nearly 3 years rehabbing a torn knee cartilage rather than having surgery. I set myself a goal of running around Vic Park, Cardiff, as a Christmas gift to myself. And I bloody did it, well sort of – I pulled my calf, 3/4 of the way around.

The truth is, sometimes today is ugly. Here’s to your health, happiness, and fighting dirty each and every day.

P.S. You can follow my efforts on Strava. My dream this year is to run the same beach I ran as a kid. Only this time, I’m running it with my nephew, Rhys, and if that doesn’t drag me around, I don’t know what will.

Willing, able, and without expectation – this is the code of the volunteer.

Two of the positions I took up this year fulfilled the brief.

Contributor for the Ysgol Gymraeg Melin Grufydd Bike Bus.

Volunteer Coach with Llandaff Cricket Club.

However, the age group coach with Crocs Cymru didn’t, as my youngest plays for the team.

The Nolan Principles of Public Life, suggests we declare and resolve conflicts of interest. With £430 million in volunteering hours coming into Wales each year, I’m still of the opinion that coaching your own kids is a conflict of interest that needs resolving.

The saying “Form is temporary, class is permanent” attributed to the legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankly, suggests that, in the end, the better team prevails.

But what if “class” were not about winning or losing, but rather about how you go about your business? Each project, ephemeral in nature defines a moment, not a lifetime.

Working with what we have, we become the artist; we create

Many of us will be out and about this Christmas with family and friends. Perhaps we will be at a friend’s house, with the family, or maybe at a restaurant recommended by others.

In what order would you place:

Food

Service

Ambience

For the 3-star Michelin star chef Marco Pierre White, the order is clear; ambience, service, and then food. So, often we choose to get good at the task, but the task is rarely ever the point. The point, as Marco Pierre White has learnt, is to create expectations and then match them with delivery. 

I once paid £14,000 for a website I never launched. If you add up the countless hours I spent messing around with it, the cost becomes clearer.

But often it’s not the cost that counts, it’s the burden that we feel.

Count the cost if it makes you feel better, but, likely, it won’t.

“Tell me what you really think.”

Fear, anger, anxiety, the need to fill the space, and have our say.

Sometimes coaching is not in what we say but in what we hold back.

Typically multi-disciplinary teams that support athletes have a head coach. Each head coach has their own ideas about what works and what doesn’t. This makes working for a head coach, a lottery.

By definition, a lottery is a low-chance, high-risk approach. Not what you want to hear when it’s your job on the line. But, it’s important to understand, because you don’t want to all of a sudden be in a place you don’t belong.

Even if it’s not true, it’s helpful.

It’s helpful because we fall for predetermined outcomes. For example, tomorrow’s meeting is going to be hard work, this project is going to be a success, and this student will never get an A+.

You get the idea.

The first rule of coaching is to believe that the person in front of you has got what it takes. It might not be true, yet, but it is helpful.

How do you rate your chances of being successful?

How do you rate your chances of doing something helpful, useful, or generous today?

The chances are one will lead to the other.

When Shrek emerges from the swamp, he doesn’t know that he is done with hiding or that he will soon be a reluctant hero. But, what he does know is that people won’t leave him alone. Frustration is often present at the start of the journey, but if you are on the right path, it shouldn’t be the default setting.

Aim to make a damn fine green salad that even those who are not keen on salad might enjoy, or put out a bowl of salad in the hope that some of it will be eaten. The choice is yours.

It’s tempting to imagine that whatever you’re working on, is the most important task (MIT).

If you don’t sit at your desk each day to write, then your book won’t ship anytime soon.

Getting the software out of development and into the market is crucial to recoup upfront costs.

However, that’s the task, not the point. Easy to forget when you’re getting it right. But, “right” might not be nearly as helpful as useful.

I have two family members who are undergoing elective surgery, before Christmas.

Elective surgery is not an option but a choice.

Often we push back thinking it’s optional but more often it’s a choice we don’t want to face.

Courage is facing up to things we know must be done.

Strength coaches find it hard to justify planning in detail. It’s hard to predict how an athlete will respond to training stimuli in the next few weeks let alone in 6 months. It’s tempting to rock up and see what happens.

What to do?

Lock in what you know; it’s probably more than you think.

Predict what you think you know; likely to be less than you think.

And for the rest agree in principle how you want to show up for each other.

Not the boring stuff that’s on the job description or the answer you give at a party but the nature of what you do.

Today I sat with a group of coaches, who turn what they know, into what they teach. They are part of the knowledge economy. I couldn’t help wondering if that’s really the nature of what they do.

Here are a few questions to help:

What is the nature or essence of being a coach?

What does it mean to be a coach?

Define the concept of being a coach?

If you are writing a book, chasing a difficult goal, or simply trying to make sense of what is going on, the rule of thirds is helpful.

Nothing goes well all the time; sometimes you will be happy with the progress, other times just okay, and for the rest of it, you will be sitting in a fog. If the balance between all three states is about equal, then the law of thirds reminds us that’s ok, much like Goldilocks porridge.

Tx Alexi Pappas

Taking stock when emotions are high is not always easy. People deal with difficulty in different ways. Taking stock is a smart way to approach a difficult problem.

Following difficult situations and unexpected outcomes, check in with the people involved, and then when the dust has settled check out what happened, what was learned, and what could have been different.

Above all else, be kind.

In fact, you are not yourself when your favourite team loses, when somebody accidentally pushes a trolley into the back of your leg, or when someone cuts you up in traffic.

With so many more stimuli present in our environments, the gap between stimuli and response has never been so important – you might find yourself being “you” fewer times than you would like to think.

When Michael Jordan wore his red Nike trainers, not the regulation white everyone else wore, the NBA issued a $5,000 fine per game. Nike didn’t care. The maths was simple: if the fans didn’t care, then the NBA’s fury would be dwarfed by the sale of Air Jordan trainers. The gamble paid off, and to date, sales of Air Jordans trainers, are in the billions of dollars.

Today, in the UK, the fine for pumping raw sewage into our rivers and seas is in the millions of pounds. And yet, the practice continues. Why? Because the maths still adds up; if it didn’t they would stop.

Nike gambled on people caring more about their trainers than they did about the NBA’s rules, and they were right. Perhaps the answer to the infrastructure problems we are experiencing in the UK is that we need to care more, not rely on market value and fines.

If you don’t know the arguments for the unfavourable in your approach, as well as you do the favourable, you don’t have an approach, you have blind faith.

The first time you take your bearings, you are only off a fraction and that doesn’t matter so much. But the second time you look up, you are so far off that the territory is no longer the map.

We can set off with a big fanfare and a big vision, or can we start small with an intention, a few principles, and some behaviours.

The desire to be someone is so strong, so strong, in fact, it’s a distraction.

Was it the big upfront presentation, the brochure outlining the new way forward, or maybe it was when you were seen, heard, and spoke up for the first time?

Our “desire” to be a cohesive unit often leads us to the idea of being led, with those who lead standing at the front with a glossy brochure.

But, perhaps starting with a group that has experienced being seen, heard, and spoken up is the quickest way to find out where people want to go and if they want to go with you.

I am currently working through two self-paced courses

Graydin Coaching

Zac Cupples

And reading two books.

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

The Little Black Book of Training Wisdom by Dan Cleather

I’d say total time learning is no greater than three hours a week, one chapter a week on the books, and one section of self-paced learning.

Blogs, book notes, and leadership directives help me play with the ideas I’m working with.

I don’t think it matters how you do it, but it’s nice to make the time to do it.

Jon Oliver recently ripped into the consultancy firm McKinsey asking for greater visibility and accountability. No skin in the game.

If you went to a good university, like money, and are risk averse, perhaps you should consider becoming a consultant.

On the other hand, if you are curious, believe that the world doesn’t need you but could use your confidence in others, become a coach.

A principle is an unarguable truth. For example, the body is sensory; act accordingly.  And yet.

We care more about how much you can lift or how far or fast you ran yesterday than we do if you are stressed out, eating poorly, and not getting much sleep.

It’s only a principle if it costs us, and usually, that cost is the time to stop, look, and listen.

Allows you to pick and choose what you want. The upside for the retailer aside from self-service, is that large amounts of product can be moved easily. Selling one chocolate bar at a time can be a slow business.

Of course, the upside of only selling one chocolate bar at a time is you quickly learn if you know your chocolate and your customer.

NB: please pay attention to this next point.

As coaches, it’s tempting to think that what you have noticed is the thing that needs correcting.

“We shall see.”

I’m learning to live with other people, and coaching helps me with that. 

Coaching helps me to shut up and listen.

Coaching helps me to silence my judgements while others talk.

Coaching helps me to not think about the next thing I want to say.

Coaching helps me to understand what the other person wants and then ask what they really need. 

When I am at my best as a coach, it is when I am working with people with intent –  people who bring energy, they have something they are working on, and they need my help. 

Coaching helps others get clear on what is really important to them. Not what they feel they have to do, but what they really want to do. 

Coaches ask questions like: What are you working on? What do you really care about? What are you interested in?

Answers can be dull at first, but not with practice. Soon, with practice, we drop the things we really don’t want and begin to get curious about the things that we might do instead. That’s why the idea of coaching in sports and physical education is so exciting to me. 

Because I don’t think I’m the only person who struggles to do their best work when the people they are working with wish they were doing something else, somewhere else.

I’m back coaching kids football and my first session is Tuesday.

I instantly fell into the trap of trying to figure out how to plan my perfect session. And then I remembered Peter Perfect the strong but vain racer in the Wacky races. The moment he praised his car it fell apart.

Sound familiar?

Best I start thinking about what I don’t want.

I’ve noticed that recently, I have more people in my life who ask me this question.

And that’s a good thing. In fact, it’s a great thing because they seek to understand.

The point of practicing is to establish what you don’t want:

An editor’s review of the draft of your book will leave you in no doubt that much of it has to go; the rest you can keep.

Too much speed into a bend, and you lose time in your practice lap.

Lose your balance looking for an edge and you might look silly in the warm-up.

But when you find what you do want, that’s the practice you can keep.

In a market, you find a way to pay what you think it costs, but the price of helping out on a bike bus on a Friday morning? That’s less clear.

Social value explains why your boss can’t get you to write an email past 5pm, but you think nothing of helping out at the local sports club.

Some things are worth more when you can’t put a value on them.

Tomorrow is Ysgol Melin Gruffydd’s first bike bus – a chance for parents, kids, and teachers to come together and cycle into school. I’m super proud of the group that has come together to make this happen, and I’m sure it will be a joyous occasion.

A school bike bus service doesn’t solve the issue of safer cycling infrastructure, but it might just start the conversation.

Don’t forget to smile and wave tomorrow as the kids of Melin Gruffydd ride on past; better still, join us.

Update: Well that was fun 🙂

I recently heard a mum tell her daughter to “stop, look, and listen” at a road crossing. How many times do we look and listen but don’t stop? You can listen but not hear, look but not see; stopping might just be the answer.

No one I know has ever gotten on a plane because the captain didn’t know where they were going. The destination is the attraction, not the journey.

The same is true for some forms of coaching. For example, a fitness coach will take you from not so-fit to fit for purpose. Once again, the destination is the attraction, not the journey. However, unlike a plane, the journey towards fitness is optional.

Better to sell the journey, not the destination.

Maybe the easiest day was yesterday and today is supposed to be tough. You and I can do tough. But, not always.

Call a friend.

Try to figure it out.

Do the maths.

Go to the gym.

Let it out.

Remind yourself of what you can control; self.

Take a breath and then sleep on it.

They say you should take my advice because I don’t use it, but that’s not always true.

Here’s to tomorrow

Think of the novice lifter looking to their teacher for approval. The lifter is there to demonstrate competency, and the teacher to pass on their knowledge. The environment is one of assessment.

What if the only person you need to convince in that situation is yourself? What would change?

It’s hard to imagine you would not begin by asking better questions. No?

Why did I make that decision? What was I thinking? Was I even thinking?

A little while ago, for fun, I turned the Pareto Principle, which suggests that 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes, into a slogan for myself.

I’m 80% emotional/20% rational. A reminder that the work is to overcome resistance and think, very practicing stoic, I know.

Perhaps we haven’t gone far enough.

When writing a book, it’s tempting to start to think about how you might sell it.

How do I reach the people who need to read it? What if no one wants to read it?

If the work of “pitching it” is taking away from the work of “shipping it” you have a project problem.

Shipping your work starts with writing and concludes with the book on the shelf. If you haven’t locked that process down, thinking about how to pitch it might just be a distraction.

Progress is sometimes traveling without moving.

When a bike holds up a car in traffic, it can be frustrating.

Bikes don’t pay for the roads; cars do.

Cyclists don’t keep the wheels of industry moving; motorists do.

If we go any slower, it will all come to a shuddering stop.

And that’s true if we agree that faster is better; after all the car replaced the cart.

But then is intolerance, a lack of emotional control, and losing our minds faster than ever better?

Perhaps it’s time we all agreed that we can do better, much better, and maybe that’s the thing we should all agree on faster than anything else.

What one thing does a kid need to become quicker?

Is it:

Rate of force development – I’ve seen mention of relative strength, functional strength, and strength in your big toe, but I’m going to move on.

Coordination training – sprint drills and the like.

Fun -tag and chase games.

I’m going to argue that it is intent. We can’t schedule intent; we can’t measure it either but we know it when we see it.

My eldest runs hard when her sister chases her in tag games; she runs slower when I ask her to do sprint drills, yet when she runs at the half pipe in parkour in an attempt to make the top, I’ve never seen her run so fast, consistently, ever.

What can we learn from this?

Coach the human, not the model.

The breakthrough for a coach doesn’t come when they find their audience it comes when they have done the work to show up without the need for baggage.

Far too often we think the thing we are working on is the game changer.

But what if the thing that you are working on now was not the plane that would see you take off but just another piece of the runway? What would change? What would you do differently?

Props to B

I’m pushing on with a return-to-running protocol after tearing the meniscus of my right knee in a biking accident. I was thinking about a new bike, and completing the Scotland North Coast 500 with a friend, but instead, I’m giving myself no choice but to work on single-leg expression and absorption of force.

Success is a return to running, failure is going under the knife and the prize is a change in where I am now.

Over the next 90 days, without any money required or new time spent, what task could make you a little wiser, win or lose?

Experience is only useful if you use it. Twenty years in the same job doing the same thing is really only one year of experience, repeated twenty times.

A recent study reminds us that growing old gracefully requires us to do things differently. In short, because we can’t exercise with the same intensity then we need to exercise for longer, a lot longer it turns out.

Getting out to see the world has never made more sense.

You pass your exams on your own; no one can pass your driving test for you. And you get your first job – or at least we like to think so – because of what you can do.

Then, you get work colleagues, a partner, and maybe a family. Perhaps you lead a team, a project, or a business. Take a look at your CV; it highlights teamwork, collaboration, and working independently and in groups.

The truth is, that a highly functioning team is a rare and beautiful thing. It contains a collection of individuals who have learned to live with themselves and are open to learning how to live with each other.

The pursuit of individual excellence might not be all it’s cracked up to be.

I love this quote from Richard Evans:

“Record covers are perhaps the timelines of our lives. They remind us of where we were, what we were doing, and who we were with; they mark our student days, our holidays, our growing up, and our coming of age.”

Rather beautiful don’t you think?

The first record I bought was Baggy Trousers by Madness, I remember proudly pinning a Ruthless Rap Assasin poster on the wall in my student digs and heading into the hills with a van full of mountain bikes feeling as risky as the beats on the God’s Son album by Nas.

Yesterday I had the good fortune to attend a Graydin coaching practice themed “Meet them where they are.” A nod to the idea of standing in the coachee’s shoes, seeing what they are seeing, feeling what they are feeling. What is it like standing where you are now?

I recently found myself retrofitting my thinking whilst headlong into a project.

Impulsive, maybe.

Heart over head, perhaps.

Could I have planned it better to start with? Clearly not. That was not until I figured out what I needed to know. And now, yes I can.

Retrofit is to change the capacity, function, or performance of the thing you have in front of you.

Not always such a bad thing.

You could look at the “market rate” which is simply to compare yourself to those around you.

A friend of mine invests in property and never pays the market rate; instead, he calculates what it’s worth to him. The “never mind the market rate” relies on personal choice, circumstance, and patience. He collects plenty of “no’s” while he waits for a “yes.”

Price is a story we tell ourselves and it pays to get our story straight.

We can get wound up by the stories that other people tell, that are inaccurate, misleading, or in our opinion, plain wrong.

But in the end, it pays to remember that unless we have permission, the role of the assessor is not ours to assume.

If it’s no longer about knowing the answer then what’s the question.

The process of creating a product or service, with the end user, is co-creation.

Perhaps it starts with modeling the behaviours you would like to see.

Declaring what you are working on, taking questions, and accepting challenges.

But it doesn’t have to be just in business, or even your peer group, you can do it at home too with the kids.

If you want to make a good decision about your numbers then take the emotion out of it.

If you want to find the thing you love to do, take the numbers out of it.

Accountants can write poetry and a poet can balance their books but no one wants an accountant who is poetic about your numbers.

The true test of a rebel is not the cause but the lack of applause.

When a parent comes to you worried about what sports supplements their child wants to take. It’s clear there is a problem.

Do you support their choices, question their choices, or deny them a choice?

What about informing their choice?

When this particular parent sat down to talk through the choices, a new choice appeared, one that both parties could agree on.

Coach the person, not the problem.

Division of labour separates those who think from those who do.

The problem comes when those who think don’t do and those who do don’t think.

Together is better.

Derek Jarman writes ‘ It does not matter if it is a failure. Failures are to be desired as long as they are complete, stretched to their limits.’

But why would you want to stick around?

Perhaps you move so quickly that you learn nothing, maybe you haven’t given your idea time to work, or leaving a trail of mishaps has become so meaningless, that it has become part of your mo.

Whatever the reason, it pays to sit in failure, just don’t wallow in it.

When Tony Benn stood up in Parliament to remind the right honorable members that anyone who voted to support the war in Iraq was consciously and deliberately accepting responsibility, he was asking for skin in the game.

How do you increase your commitment to the decisions you make?

One describes a state of well-being, and the other relates to the ability to perform a certain task, such as running a 5k.

It is possible to be of healthy mind and body and of no interest in running a faster 5k. Similarly, you can run a faster 5k and not be of sound mind and body.

Sadly, because it’s easier to measure fitness than it is health, it is easy to forget the order in which to put things; fit and unhealthy is not as helpful as being healthy and fit.

I’m reading Dan Cleather’s The Little Black Book of Training Wisdom as part of my research for a book idea.

A little black book is a place where you put confidential information that perhaps you don’t want to share with anyone else, and I get that. What works for you, might not work for anyone else.

But, what if, we could share what you think you need to be healthy? I’m calling on your wisdom, ideas, and words on what you think you need to be healthy. Who knows, what works for you, might just work for someone else.

Dan’s cardinal rule is “Above all else, be consistent.” Don’t do anything that might negatively affect your consistency.”

What’s yours? You can contact me here.

Finding an “expert” to tell you what to do is not nearly as helpful as doing the work to understand what you have and what you think you do. If the world feels chaotic, it’s because your thinking is chaotic. First, choose yourself.

Tired of being the only one around here who seems to care?

I know I have been guilty in the past of martyring myself if things are not up to scratch.

If you find yourself being the one who does most of the thinking, talking and doing?

It might be time to let some light in:

Provide all the information required to make one decision.

Ask those involved to come to their own conclusions.

Then come together to discuss.

The alternative is to keep everyone else in the shade while you complain about being the biggest tree in the forest.

I thought I’d show you a copy of my weekly email that I send out to those who have subscribed to receive it.

Each week I share the things that I’ve been pondering, caught my eye, or simply enjoyed being a part of.

No nonsense. No spam. Just one email each week. You can sign up here.

https://sendfox.com/SimonHarling

Hello,

When it comes to training gains which is it? Nature or Nurture.

“Look at a loaf of bread and I put a kilo on.”

“I’m too old to put muscle on now.”

“I’m built for speed, not endurance.”

You get the idea. The hand we are dealt plays a big part, but how big no one really knows. What we do know is that placebo, positive thinking, and the willingness to surprise ourselves, have the power to change what we think.

I’m not sure you need to believe in God to believe that the serenity prayer is worth repeating:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.“

I’m going to leave you with a question:

What separates you from what you want? It’s a hell of a question, and one Lins asked my eldest Ellie, last week.

Have a great week.

Simon

P.S. I can’t remember who sent me the link for this video, but if you like mountain biking, the Outer Hebrides, and people finding their voice, you’ll love this. Enjoy.

Come along for the ride.

https://sendfox.com/SimonHarling

When we ask someone a question like. Why do you do the things you do? You might get an answer like “I don’t know.”

Why did you pass the ball there? Give the ball away here? “I don’t know, I just did.”

What do you want to do? “Nothing”

You get the idea.

Describing what you don’t want helps to describe what you do want, and that comes with experience. A life well-lived.

Perhaps better answers come from better questions and a life well lived.

My eldest was questioning her desire to go to parkour while riding home from school in the rain. It’s not hard to see why. On the other side was an hour-long ride in more rain before an hour of parkour and a ride home.

This is what her mum said to her: “What separates you from what you want (parkour) is getting cold, wet, and tired. If you want it, you need to recognise that, and get through it.”

You guessed it, I rode Ellie to parkour not her mum.

Yesterday, I was speaking to someone who hadn’t planned their day, had no idea what they wanted to achieve or when they would like to achieve it. And yet, just before our conversation, they had been watching a video on time management and productivity.

As obvious as it may sound, a great place to start is to decide what you already know and how you plan to use it. You might just surprise yourself.

I’m not sure you need to believe in God to believe that the serenity prayer is worth repeating.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.“

Who coaches the coaches coach? If we think in straight lines and linear progression, it can go on and on, and it’s hard to see the endpoint. The answer appears to always be to think bigger. Much like the nursery rhyme about an old lady who swallowed a fly. When will it ever end?

The old lady swallowed a bird to catch the spider. How absurd. If only the old lady had considered the connectivity of systems.

Would you

A. Do a workout of the day (WOD), wear a headband, and worship Uncle Pukie?

B. Do something else instead?

Successful brands, give you a clear choice, all you have to do, is say Hell Yeah.

If you have ever asked the question, “Who am I?” and haven’t shared the answer, why not write a book?

The word “rabble” describes a mob, a disorderly crowd, and, perhaps, less well-known, a group of butterflies.

The question is not how do you create a rabble, but how do you get butterflies to fly in formation.

Leadership, a common goal, and participatory fellowship differentiate a rabble from a community centred around a purpose.

Projects point us forward. They provide us with meaning. Help shape our environment and provide us with skills.

Choose your projects. Choose your future.

Post-truth is an adjective defined as “relating to or denoting a circumstance in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief.”

We fall for stories, not facts.

The narratives we create around who we think we are helps us make sense of our place in the world. How much our truth helps us and how much it gets in our way, is for us to decide. However; it’s worth remembering that we have the capacity to change our story.

The dictionary defines “agency” as the capacity of an individual or a group to act independently, make choices, and have a significant influence on their actions and decisions.

How do we coach others if we act on what they tell us they want? Are we giving away our agency? Maybe that is what we really want, because if it doesn’t work, then it’s not our fault.

I’ve turned to design thinking for the answer. Design thinking is a process for solving user problems, using an iterative approach to create innovative solutions. A way of shifting from the intentional thinking of the designer to the intentional action of the user.

No one designs a chair by committee, or worse still by listening to what everyone thinks. Instead, designers watch how people interact with their designs; they watch what people do.

Sure. But are you learning what people want you to learn, or are you learning what you need to learn?

The magic happens when we realise we don’t have what we thought we had.

Humility is a price worth paying.

Today I had a conversation with a coach who was quick to tell me how many girls are signed up to play football for his club. And yet, in the age group he was talking about, the stats tell us that participation falls off a cliff. I couldn’t figure out exactly what was bothering me, about the conversation, until I had walked away.

Then I got it.

A bad coach wants to be left alone, an average coach wants to learn and a good coach wants the truth. The problem, of course, is that there are a few versions of the truth, and which one we use, will depend on the story we are telling ourselves.

Subjective truth is your truth.

Normative truth requires an outside view, not the view from the rock that you are hiding under.

Finally, there is the objective truth which can be measured and verified.

A good coach not only wants the truth, they know the difference between good news and the truth.

Never trust anyone who will sell you a shovel and tell you where to dig but is not there digging with you.

The richest people during the California gold rush of the 1850s were those who sold shovels, land, and hope.

It appears that hope is only in short supply when people are trying to sell it to you.