SimonHarlingBlog Posts

The Golden Buddha started out life as a seated Buddha statue weighing in at a staggering 5,500 tonnes. At some time in its life, not to hide its beauty but to protect it from danger. It was covered in plaster and coloured glass and remained that way for over 200 years.

A reminder to live into the possibility of what could be inside of us.

I”m delighted to announce that In The Coaches Corner has some NEW dates.

Perhaps you are a coach who wants to get clear on what success looks like for you.

Maybe you would like the opportunity to speak up about the project you are working on.

Or take this chance to meet other coaches.

Whatever your reason meet us online or in person each and every Monday 5-7pm for the next 3 months.

Details of the first Online event on the 24th of April 2023

Details of the next IN PERSON event on the 15th of May 2023

Blocking out 3 hours of my day to write and then finishing the day with fewer words on my page than when I started has been a challenge.

One I have enjoyed.

I figure I’m closer to finishing than starting.

And for now, at least, the words I’m left with are more encouraging than the ones I cut.

Compared to their full-time or elite counterparts, volunteer coaches know less about their sport. To close the gap in knowledge of the game, coach education courses are big business. But just how important is the gap?

Speaking to coaches last night it became clear to me their success relied on innovation, not coaching. A chance to do something that matters, something no one else is doing, was at the heart of our conversation. Knowledge about the game is not nearly as important as the curiosity to want to solve the challenges you face now.

If you are a coach who would like the chance to speak up you can find us here.

Picking a player of the year feels predictable. Only one goalkeeper, LevYashin, has ever won the prestigious Ballon d’Or since its inception in 1956. But what if you picked a player at random and celebrated their contribution?

Building a life that accepts randomness as a part of it, might just make us more resilient, and appreciative of the things we do have.

Yesterday I was at Propyard Bristol, a platform for creatives. “Making space for creativity, culture, and shared experience” is their tagline.

Whom do you think they serve?

The creatives who turn up and put on a show.

Or

The paying punters.

My guess is they are close to figuring it out. Delighted by their experience, my party will be back and I’m sure they will be telling others about it too.

We know our response to strength training. A period of recovery and adaptation follows a stressful event (not being late to the gym) but lifting heavy weights. Do it often enough and you get stronger.

Turn up late often enough and you get a different adaptation that creates tension.

Attempt and fail is useful in the gym and in life, just not every time.

If the bloke in the pub happens to be a lawyer, a headmaster, or a successful businessman their opinion may sway you. A polished, well-rehearsed story is easy to fall for. But it’s more about status than it is about facts.

Try this show-stopper:

“What does your opinion depend on for it to be true?”

The world is waiting for you, not your baggage.

I’ve recruited a number of graduates into work placements. And on the other side of the fence, I’ve worked for free to gain experience. Both times, the gap between where you are and where you would like to go remained.

And yet, creative tension is exactly what is missing. If you can help a company, a talented and ideally connected individual, or a collective ship their work it might just be worth it.

The alternative is to try to keep your internship supervisor happy while they think they are doing you a favour.

The hope is the choice of B over A creates the change you seek.

And it’s likely that you needed to downplay A to choose B.

But know that unless A is no longer a choice, it’s still a choice, act accordingly.

There is little point in asking a “hanging judge” for leniency.

A strength coach will have no sympathy when you show up tired from running laps.

A nitpicking critic won’t appreciate you pointing out his spelling mistake.

Understanding what people think they do, might just save you a lot of time in the long run.

Yesterday I walked slowly through a local park picking wild garlic for a pesto recipe.

Today I flew through the forest, hanging on to my mountain bike, I daren’t let go.

Sometimes, we cling so tight, we forget why.

Being out in nature is a privilege I hope you get a chance to experience it this easter holiday.

Whether we like it or not, we play status games, in an attempt to fit in AND stand out.

Seven Rules of The Status Game:

1. Practice warmth, Sincerity, and Competence. 
2. Choose prestige over dominance
3. Play a multitude of status games. But focus energy on games you consider important. 
4. Reduce your moral sphere. Worry about your own shit. Turn the gaze inwards. 
5. Have a trade-off mindset. Good or bad is bullshit. It’s all created. 
6. Be different. But don’t break the rules and be useful to the group.
7. Never forget you are dreaming. The aim is to play not win.

Opinions dressed up as facts are not nearly as helpful as a judgment that has a framework but nothing is more helpful than a question.

Watching my kids in a local stage school’s production of the musical Matilda reminded me just how magical teaching can be when you get it right.

The confident kids carry the less confident kids but they all travel together.

There is a chance to contribute however small you or your part is.

Pressure, performance, and an end goal can work for you when kindness, respect, and compassion are also present.

“The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it’s time to go shopping for a saddle.” Lucky Number Slevin.

I’ve yet to find a better quote to help me understand the theory of self-determination.

Starting with a beginner’s mind is appealing. A chance to approach each day as a new project, every situation a fresh. Present with a moment-to-moment focus.

It might not be possible, but it’s well worth trying.

“Under the circumstances”

“Given the difficult nature of the situation”

To produce something that no one else can, constraints are a feature, not a fault.

Based on the assumption that novice trainers, including kids, don’t know how to squat. The logical course of action for the professional coach is to provide visual inputs for them to copy. Demo, demo, demo.

But what if that assumption was wrong? What if the “expert” didn’t know what they didn’t know? What if what they were paying attention to was irrelevant? And what was missing was important?

When you work with unknown unknowns the best way forward is to experiment. What happens when you move faster, or slower, put your arms in the air, and so on?

“Isn’t that interesting” might be a better response than I told you so?

Do leaders eat first or last? I’ve no idea. That’s up to you and the people you serve to decide, but maybe you can eat together.

One of the biggest attractions to writing a coaching philosophy is to take the thinking out of it.

If you don’t want to lose your mind when kids badger you for their time on the pitch. Create a simple roster that they can manage. Better still, help them create their own.

If you do want to lose your mind, while surrounded by kids and agitated parents, you know what to do. Think about it.

I know what I like and I like what I know. Or so we think. Yet, there is plenty of research that reminds us that many of us bend what we think we know to fit in.

Rather than be clear on what we put first, we shuffle the pack, to suit the audience. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them….well, I have others. Grouch Marx.

I don’t know if a high degree of reflexivity is trainable but I imagine it is. Tell us what you stand for. Better still write it down and share it.

I once ran white-collar boxing events. The boxers who had bought a table for family and friends to watch were all in. Anyone else was a flight risk.

For over 20 events stretching over 10 years, the heuristic was reliable.

Commitment is created through a series of steps not a declaration.

When you love the sport that you have played since you were a kid you want to give something back.

The question is what.

Maybe it’s the passion for the sport, perhaps it’s a unique insight or simply to extend a hand to the next generation. Whatever it is, by staying involved, you think you can pass it on.

How do you think people will learn from you?

What will that look like in practice?

How will you facilitate this in practice?

To shift from doing things right to doing the right thing requires us to be clear on what a successful outcome might look like.

Creating the room to make mistakes is more valuable than ever.

We can hide away because our mistakes appear more visible, permanent, and costly than ever before.

Or we can decide to embrace the opportunity because we suffer more in our imagination than we do in reality.

If you want to create an environment that is safe and enjoyable for your players to learn new things and not be afraid to make mistakes it starts with you.

If you want to improve first you need to practice so let’s do it together In The Coaches Corner.

Few people stick it out most will twist.

When you stick you it out you get to see what happens at the end.

With that in mind, before you start, know when to hold and know when to fold.

Coaches using Chat GPT for content marketing makes sense.

It makes less sense to use Chat GPT when you are working through ideas, connecting the dots, and developing your communication skills.

If you do one you might not need the other.

“One of the girls in Parkour encouraged me to give it a go, she helped make me better.”

The words of my eldest daughter faced with a jump that she wasn’t sure she could make.

Someone helped my daughter begin to believe that just maybe she could. So she gave it a try. Sometimes it’s that simple.

Rather than looking for attention, pay attention.

What is not working?

What do you need to do to make it work?

Frustration is your cue to replace what you want with what you need.

After a long drawn-out process, I’m back towards the top end of my fitness. My numbers are as good as they were when I was in my 30s and 40s. My conclusion is that I’m working hard and probably closer to my potential than I have ever been.

By my reckoning, I’ll be putting more into the Watt bike and lifting more in the gym than I ever have by the end of the year. I’ll be 52 years old.

Which challenges the thinking that we should accept that we are getting older and that we are unlikely to achieve a PB. That assumption is based on the idea that we were working to our full potential in our 30s and 40s. I clearly wasn’t.

Were you? And if not, why not now?

I’m excited to share with you a series of participatory events for coaches involved in sports and physical activity in the Cardiff area.

Monday 22nd May 2023 @ 7.30pm (GMT) join me on Zoom by clicking here

I’ve been chewing on a question.

What values are most important to you as a coach?

What would I say to a new group that I was coaching? How would I show up as a coach?

I came up with a 6-word story.

Work with what you have got.

The challenge is for the group and the coach to accept the offer. Work to understand what it is that “we” have got. And then decide what it means.

The alternative is to bust out the tests and assessments, have a quick chat about goals, and get prescribing in the hope of change.

If you want to understand our attitude to risk head to a gym and wait for the questions.

How much can you lift?

What’s your 1 RM?

This is Bro shorthand for what is your point of failure?

We build our hopes, attitudes, and systems around being able to nudge our point of failure slightly further north.

The assumption (and it’s a poor one) is that our point of failure points towards our improvement (often unspecified).

Or worse still we feel like we have a point to prove.

But what if we concentrated on building systems that improve general qualities, like breathing patterns, lifting techniques, and stress levels that allow us to show up each day.

Would that not build a better human?

If getting along and getting ahead by playing by the rules is a virtue.

It stands to reason that the most virtuous acts are those by which you stand to gain the most.

And although it doesn’t make sense, it explains a lot.

What makes more sense and yet needs no explanation is that the more virtuous an act the greater the cost to you personally.

One creates attention and status, the other not so much.

Coaches and parents of kids engaged in physical activity. What’s the one emotion that you want to be responsible for passing on?

It’s unlikely to be anxiety.

The temptation is to run a battery of tests, collect 360-degree feedback and create a balance sheet of what is going well and what needs to improve. Find what’s missing and add it in. It’s that simple.

All solid advice. But, there is one thing missing before you find all the other things you think you missed. The willingness to change.

We know change is hard. We also know it takes a lot of reflection and experimentation necessary to make it happen. So before we go ahead and look for what’s missing. It might be worth considering if there is something missing that no test, feedback, or balance sheet will ever help us find.

If coaching is an improvised act then we could argue that makes planning a questionable act.  Which makes it difficult to proceed with certainty when it comes to creating boundaries for your coaching practice.

Here are two boundaries that you might recognise. 

In the pursuit of less Greg McKeown argues “ We need to learn the slow yes and the quick no.”

Yet, Derek Sivers in the book Hell Yeah or No, argues for a fast yes. Anything less than a “hell yeah” leaves us no time and space to focus only on the things that matter the most.

What to do?

Before concerning yourself with a tool, opinion or advice, ensure you are clear on what your success looks like. Intent is your guide.

What do you want to experience?

What do you want to feel?

If you want to act with passion, perhaps try Derek Siver’s advice and if you want to act with caution proceed very carefully with the advice of Greg McKeown.

We all have an opinion but very few of us are matched for success and you are the only one who knows how you want to feel.

My advice is to try it on for size and it if fits and makes you feel good, you know it’s the one for you.

As a coach, you can be in their corner, but you can’t fight for them. You can help them back up on their feet, reframe their success, and share this moment. But you can’t want it more than them, in fact, you can’t want it at all.

You can’t want to be in their corner. You need to be in their corner. There is nowhere else, you want to be.

Not only is writing a letter to your future self a way of imagining who you are going to be sometime in the future. It’s also a solid place from which to reflect.

What did you hope for?

Did you do as well as you had hoped?

Reflection is not nearly as useful if you move the goalposts or have no reference of what success might look like when you first set out.

My eldest told me last week that she was at the back of the cast in stage school because there no one would see her mistakes.

This week, it was an effort to get her to go. Why? “I’m bored.”

Good.

Bored is a signal that it’s time. There is more to come.

Step forward kid, it’s your time, I’m looking forward to watching what you do.

Rather than holding up what we already believe to be true. Coach education would rather graft another level of complexity onto what already exists. Badges are additive, not subtractive.

And yet, clear writing removes unwanted words. Healthy eating removes sugar and in philosophy, the focus is on what something is not, providing an indirect definition.

Perhaps then, we should create coaching badges for clarity of mind, not conformity of thinking.

My interest is in your performance when I push you.

Signs I’m pushing: Try this. Do that.

My interest is in your development when I’m you pull me along at your pace.

Show me what you can do.

A mob is motivated not by its cause but by its effects.

Andrew Tate is not representing young males as Joe Rogan would have you believe. He’s simply playing a game of status. A high-status player giving low-status players a chance to be part of something, a chance to be noticed, is a positive loop for both players.

Positive feedback loops never last. They implode. If you want to understand the mob, look for the effects, not the cause.

In a positive feedback loop. The more we have the better it gets.

For balance, in nature, we also have negative feedback loops.

In nature, stability is dynamic, it takes work, and not just from the side that gives you positive feedback.

Ensuring a client walks away with small viable steps is critical.

The skill is in finding a way of cutting through the clutter to provide clarity.

The start is the check-in, the scene setter, and understanding what has or has not happened.

And yet, perhaps the most important part is arriving without judgement, with trust in the process and an understanding of our role in it.

“Sure”

“Ok”

“Why not”

These are typical responses from my kids when we throw around ideas about what to do next.

“Make it matter” is our family theme for Jan through to March.

What do they really want to do?

Now we have an entry at the back of our journals “Paying attention to passion.”

The conversations are changing and so are the things the kids want to do.

Tumble track

Climbing

And this week rollerskate football a game they made up while their mum ran laps of the park.

Pay attention to passion.

If you could lift your head up, take a look at the stars, and then look back down at what you are working on. What would change?

Would your training plan look more or less like a shopping list?

Do you need to hit it out of the park each time or would first base do?

Trying too hard is not nearly as helpful as enjoying the moment when the hard work occasionally pays off.

It’s not about how good your writing is.

How good you are at public speaking

Not even how good you are at coaching.

It’s about the opportunity you have and what you do with it.

If you make it about you (and that’s easy to do) then the chances are you are missing the point.

When the Michelin guide first began rating restaurants the criteria for a 3-star restaurant was “”Exceptional cuisine, worth a special journey” while a 2-star restaurant was “worth a detour.”

Over the years I have created several experiences that meant people made a special journey to be there. Sadly, the first time, I didn’t quite realise what I had done. The second time, I embraced the opportunity it gave me.

There is no punchline to this blog only a prompt.

You could be anywhere else in the world right now but you choose to be here with me.

Thank you.

As a kid, I knew that my asthma was causing my breathing difficulties.

As an adult, I began to question whether my dysfunctional breathing was causing my asthma symptoms.

The change is an important one. I felt empowered to do something. It was not about knowing the answers, but about doing something about it.

Coaching ideology is territorial.

One has more to offer than the others. But which one? Well, that depends on who you ask.

It’s difficult to ignore the bickering and not get dragged in.

Making it not about you, your group or the people you serve might just be a smart move. Instead, make it about the principles you believe in, that way, it’s their fault, not yours.

Accept the offer and your partner looks and feels good. No, will kill the moment. Ask just about anyone who has made a marriage proposal.

We are at our best when we are clear about what offers we are open to.

The thing only you can do. It’s likely to come with imperfections, quirks, and mistakes.

You can try to hide them.

Or you can go out of your way to embrace them.

The resistance you feel, the friction you experience I figure that’s not there to slow you down. It’s there to hold you in place while you fix what needs fixing.

Grateful this week for the mantra “write the book only you can write.”

In the moment we rely on our conscious mind and how we have always done things.

Therefore coaching is not wholly an act of conscious control but an improvised act.

In the end, it’s how we act that counts.

When you think of manifestos you think of a collection of ideological statements gathered together to form a statement usually for a group, or collective.

WE EXIST BECAUSE.

Not all manifestos concern themselves with fusion. Some are about fission, splitting from the others not finding them.

A coaching philosophy concerns itself with the individual practice of a coach.

I EXIST BECAUSE.

Both a coaching manifesto and a coaching philosophy are useful in creating energy. But one should not be confused with the other. A bit like fusion and fission.

I spoke to a friend of mine recently about my idea.

It had worked for me, but it was hard to see it working for anyone else. “It won’t scale.”

Sure, I could fill a lecture hall with people and hope. But, that’s not the same thing as creating change at scale.

The question isn’t whether your idea will scale. That’s not the point. The point is that ideas grow with use.

Use them or lose them.

Really?

What are you going to do with the feedback?

Are you hoping you are right or do you have a system of learning?

What are you ready to change?

What are you not ready to change?

Do you even want to change?

Are you simply putting things off?

Or worse still hoping that it’s met with indifference and not too much fuss.

I’m not a huge fan of feedback, I use it, but I don’t rely on it.

What did you do?

What are you doing differently now?

What made you choose the way you did it?

These are questions that are less about what people think and more about what people do.

When you recruit the best players you don’t get the best team you get the best individuals in a team.

So here’s the problem.

When the team is not performing but is full of great players whom do you pick on?

The answer of course is you don’t. I mean you could but you shouldn’t. Instead, you take a look at the context and ask the question.

Do I have a team full of super chickens?

Maybe your work is not getting the attention it deserves. But is that because your work is low value or a reflection of your status and celebrity?

Graffiti artist Banksy rather brilliantly shows us what we are really paying attention to. The sidewalk stall selling his work for $60 was only a few hundred yards from his sell-out exhibition. And yet only a few people bought his artwork.

Keep going.

What would change if you reflected on the opportunities of now?

The expensive health club membership.

The time you have with your kids when you get home from work and before they go to bed.

The sabbatical you have taken from work to finish your book.

Would you feel that you have taken the opportunity in front of you or taken it for granted? Coasting because tomorrow is another day is a tragedy worth thinking about it.

Try going somewhere slow.

Sounds cute, doesn’t it? But it’s also an old coaching trick for when people are stuck. Think differently and watch what changes.

David Goggins’s book Living with a Seal is a masterclass in dependant coaching. Goggins moves in with his client Jessie Itzler and sets down the rules. I say you do, it’s that simple.

I’ve often thought it’s a simple business model that might work well with high-end clients, who have the money to have a coach with them 24 hours a day.

But that’s not why I offer it as an example worth copying. Instead, this is my punchline.

When you do what you say it defines you.

Social Capital describes the bonds, loyalty, and trust that a group develops together. And this takes time. In fact, it takes time out.

Time shared equally, not fought over, provides a platform for a positive connection between people. A chance to create tension. To push and pull, before settling on a way forward.

Desirably difficult, of course. But isn’t that how we achieve our full potential?

Maybe your client doesn’t see it quite the same you do. Is it laziness? Maybe their peer group doesn’t support the desired behaviour. Whatever it is, your client is not buying what you are trying to sell.

We fear our client is missing out.

But perhaps we should not fear them missing out on what we have to offer but missing out on doing something/anything with passion.

Lead with passion, and the rest will follow.

Today I wrote up my physical training notes for the last 3 weeks.

Notes pulled together over the week, or maybe a 3-week planning cycle built up over the 90 days to take a look at the story you are selling yourself.

At the end of a 90-day cycle, your hard measures and narrative collide. And it’s that tension between the facts and the fiction which makes for a compelling review.

A learning system takes a little bit of effort, but that might be why it works.

How was your workout? I asked. “It was as tough as me.” Came the reply.

Ok, so you haven’t left much room for doubt. You nailed it. I get it.

But, what if you are an office worker addicted to a monthly salary because you are too scared to do what matters to you?

Leave no room for doubt that’s a great strategy. But that’s not the same as at least leaving some room in your mind to be wrong.

Be, Do, Say is a simple leadership model.

You can start by talking about whatever it is you do. Say, Do, Be.

Maybe you like to carefully plan, define and deliberate what it is that you think you do Be, DO, Say.

Or perhaps you like to do the work of creating meaning in what you do by working from either end to get to the middle.

The choice is yours.

Telling your kids what to do is not the same as showing them what they can do.

Often we confuse instructions on how to use the dishwasher, iron, or tumble dryer with showing them what they can do.

When your kids make their own list of the things they can do for themselves. And then get up at 6 am to fix breakfast because they choose to. That’s showing them what they can do.

90 days to do something that matters. 90 days of consistent action towards the thing that you want to do. 90 days and then it’s done.

What did it teach?

What changed?

Which of your strength and skills came in handy?

What solutions did you find?

What can you see now that you couldn’t then?

How did it make you feel?

Knowledge, understanding, action, discovery, perspective, and personal relevance are all there waiting for you.

What do you let grow in your garden? What flourishes and what dies? What do you say is going to happen and what actually happens?

Does it even matter?

I think it does. I think we learn about ourselves and our environment when we make things matter and we figure out how we can make them flourish.

Better to be a warrior in the garden than a gardener in a war.

Maybe it’s true. Lots of things don’t matter.

But it’s also true that telling yourself that “it doesn’t matter” is a great way to get yourself off the hook.

The daily blog

The Journal

The 5 min favour.

The one thing for your health

The one thing for your family

The one thing for your friends.

They all matter and that’s what makes the difference.

Asking questions you know the answer to can be a cowardly way of avoiding saying what is really on your mind.

Rhetorical questions are often passive-aggressive.

Asking questions is not always as helpful as you might think.

Learning to ask questions that risk teaching you something, surprising you, or changing your mind now that’s different.  

Necessity is a great teacher. So too is play. But what about copying?

On the way to school today my youngest was telling me about her frustration. A boy in her class has been copying her work.

What about the drawings you trace?

The U-tuber’s clothing style?

And the writing styles Daddy has been copying?

The issue I have with games-based coaching is simple. Who are we copying? No question peer to peer learning is a quick way to learn. Groups typically share similarities and as a result, ideas spread fast.

But the diffusion of ideas concept reminds us that diversity, heterophily, can’t be ignored in the creation of effective and innovative environments.

Perhaps we can consider coaches as heterophilic contributors. Outside of the group, differing in certain attributes. The job of the coach is then to connect to the group through the value of the ideas they spread.

When it comes to cycling there is no one optimal cadence for all. Lots of cyclists prefer high cadence and lower pressure on the pedals but then others “mash” the pedals at a lower cadence to produce a competitive velocity.

In life, depending on the story we tell ourselves, we go as fast or as slow as we like, our cadence is our choice.

In work, our cadence matters more than our velocity when we value a high level of understanding and stability. Misconceptions might just be costly.

In cycling as in life, the pressure you are willing to apply and the cadence you are willing to set determines the velocity at which you are likely to travel.

Ever wondered what your kid is thinking during practice?

The closest thing we have to a thought bubble is to think aloud during a task. A way of making the steps taken explicit.

Any gaps in our understanding of a task and the accuracy of the execution of the task become obvious. It becomes clear very quickly if a task is beyond reach. Start with simple and progress only when success rates are high.

Increase the level of independence based on success.

Instructional Practice – Guided Practice – Independent Practice.

If you want kids who can think for themselves first provide an example worth copying.

Effective teachers review a kid’s homework, talk about the problems encountered, and check for understanding. A few minutes in review appears to be worth the effort. The recall of concepts required for the lesson that day eases the cognitive load.

What needs more work?

What worked well last time?

How does what we have been working on link to what we are doing today?

How did we get here?

The fluidity of learning matched by the fluidity of the teacher getting to the beat of the people (big or small) in their class.

Every day is a school day.

We could double down on what we coach; our knowledge about the sport or activity we coach.

Or we could take a look at our own personal values and beliefs. Developing our knowledge about how we coach and why we coach.

One is easy to scale and measure which is why it sells well even if it doesn’t work well. The other can change how we show up for our clients, our practice, and ourselves.

A part of the coach education process is to write a statement of your coaching philosophy. An ideological statement of intent. Only it’s a bit like eating Greek salads on holiday.

When you get home the Feta doesn’t taste the same. Sitting with your workmates is not like sitting near a beach with your shorts on. And well, it’s not the same is it?

Perhaps then coaching philosophies are best left for those perfect moments. Those moments when you can dream a little. Plan a little. Implement a little.

You guessed it.

After a week back no one wants to hear about your holiday. But that has never stopped you yet.

Plan – Implement – Assess – Reflect.

You don’t go on holiday because you care what anyone else thinks. You go because it makes you feel good.

Go write your coaching philosophy because standing up for what you believe in will make you feel good all year round.

Covid sped up change in the workplace. More people now have a choice about where and how they work. And maybe even with whom.

What has not changed is the idea that we work to create change.

The temptation with hybrid working is to think change is organised around you. Do three days and home and the rest of the week in the office suit you? They might.

It’s also likely that anything is better than sitting in an office with the boss. Commuting to work and eating your lunch out of a Tupperware box.

But that’s missing the point.

I’ve yet to see a job advert that says “We don’t care how it happens we just care that it does. Can you help us to understand the conditions required to create the change we seek?

The temptation is to pass on the costs since you don’t want things to cost you. And maybe that was part of the deal. The building of a house, the fixing of a car, or the writing of a contract.

But sometimes it pays to bear the costs yourself; self-improvement. That way you don’t have to make anyone else pay for your mistakes or your improvements.

Is not the same as the intention to lead.

One can go horribly wrong and the other you can make up as you go along.

Beware of the smartest boss in the room.

We act like it isn’t. That somehow shit-in is not shit-out.

But, of course, we know it to be true. A stone in your shoe changes how you walk.

Act accordingly.

People don’t want change that’s the trouble.

The only job you have as a troublemaker is to ensure your change is worth the trouble it causes. Nothing changes without too much trouble.

Most troublemakers don’t see it as trouble and that’s the trouble with troublemakers.

If you have ever had a well-meaning family member or friend ask after you. You will know how it feels when they push their anxiety onto you, rather than improve their (or your) understanding of what you are working on.

This brings me to my point.

Coaching, teaching, and the business of education when driven by agendas, not by learning can leave you feeling pretty shit about yourself.

My current muse is to share directives, agenda, and direction of travel up front. Engagement is a choice and the work is to edit the agenda until successful. Deciding what success is collectively and or individually.

Perhaps it’s time we took the time to embrace our agendas.

It can feel like it’s “normal” to say you are busy. Overpromise and underdeliver. Underperform but think you did your best.

Draconian measures in times of chaos give you time to think.

The first step is a shock. That’s the point. Draconian measures are harsh, severe, and will feel excessive.

Here are some simple resources for when you really have had enough of your excuses.

Define ENOUGH

Value of time

When you have control of your resources, the time to control your narrative appears, and your desire to make excuses disappears.

“Always go a little further into the water than you feel you are capable of being in, go a little bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel that your feet aren’t quite touching the bottom you are just about in the right place to do something exciting.”

David Bowie

Exactly because it’s a struggle you get to learn something about yourself, those around you, and your environment. That’s worthy of respect.

We act like we don’t know and do nothing and worse we act like we know when we don’t.

The thing with coach education is that there is always one more course you can go on. One more advancement. One more step and then..,..

The message is clear. Through education, we can advance. Better coaches make for a better future.

But for who?

While it is true that every coach I speak to could do with knowing more it is also true that every coach I speak to is not whom they want to be. They fear not getting picked when they tell the parents to back off. The performance director is a distraction. And so it goes on.

And when I ask them what they really want most tell me they want their kids, athletes, or team to perform to their potential.

I don’t know of an educational course that will stop you from doing one more thing before you do you.

Do you?

Today my kids walked out the door to go to school and it was raining. The plan clearly had been for it to be a clear day.

“Don’t do anything for the kids that they can do for themselves” is our family 90-day theme. It turns out mum needed the chat more than the kids. The kids would do more if only mum let them or so they say.

Back to my kids strutting out the door, this time in wet weather gear.

Youngest forgot to cover her hair, and had no spare trainers but secretly knew her teacher would fuss her. My eldest returned in full wet weather and with PE later in the day a full spare change.

Tonight we spoke about flexing to the environment or expecting the environment to flex to you. How you can make a fuss if you are wet, use it as an excuse or a chance to get attention. And what it says about you when you are willing to change your plan, adapt, and get on.

Watch out for the ones who are quietly getting on with it, because getting attention is never the hard part.

Sunday I left it. The silence was better than a blog I didn’t want to send. It doesn’t happen very often and when it does I just let it pass.

Today, I was afraid I wouldn’t get any silence. Surrounded by builders drilling through electric cables (by mistake), taking off the plaster from the walls, and pulling down tiles in the bathroom. And yet, I found silence in my own thoughts.

Frustrated I pick up on other people’s noise. When I’m comfortable with what I’m doing I manage to drown it out with my own thoughts.

I wonder if our consumption of social media works the same way?

An objective sets the direction of travel.

Key results define the results you need to achieve your objective.

And all that remains is to state the steps up front to achieve a result.

Often an act that requires telepathy, redundancy, guesswork, or a level of fixing that would make even Seb Blatter blush.

What to do?

Set learning goals that encourage exploration. Steps are only helpful if you can remember where they took you.

Understand the conditions required to keep your promises before you fix deadlines.

Rather than pretend you know, accept you don’t and improvise to find new ways of working with unknowns.

I thought I’d try a thought experiment.

The book I am working on has 4 questions each a chapter of my book.

So I outlined my book with 3 chapters and 4 questions to see what it looked like. I like it better.

I then tried making each point I want to make into a chapter. I have 22 clear points that I think deserved their own explanation. I like this less but now I’m clear on the points that I want to make.

Did I waste a week on this thought experiment when I could have moved closer to finishing the book? Maybe.

But, is there any point in going in a direction you already know by asking questions you know the answers to?

Why desire change when the life you have built for yourself works just fine?

We remain stuck for good reason. Our social structures and worldviews are built to support our status quo. Any change will disrupt status and likely not in a good way.

Wanting people to change is not nearly as helpful as creating a connection for them.

Connecting with people who accept and appreciate us works. It works because our reference points change as our exposure to ideas, information, and experiences changes. And when we connect to people who accept and appreciate us, we suffer no loss in status within the group.

When people open themselves up to new connections, they have done the hard part. The question is have you done the hard part of accepting them into the group? 

The NHS is broken. Education is failing. Our Government is corrupt.

In 20 years of coaching, not one person has asked me if what I do works. I self-reported for accreditation but they only checked my spelling.

In 25 years of being a consultant in the NHS a friend of mine has never once been asked about their waiting list.

More doctors. More support and resources for kids. We need more money.

We cut and try efficiencies but league tables are divisive and managers are self-serving.

But what if we published our own performances? Not a report of what we can’t do, or a story about X being above us and Y being below us. But a report about how we are getting on. What works well and what doesn’t work so well.

I do this well

I struggle with this

Here is where I am now

Here is where I was

This is what I am working on now

No judgment just a chance to help each other get better each time.

National Governing Bodies by rights, and title, are the authority in their sport. Them’s the rules. Grassroots clubs either follow the rules or embrace their title and do their own thing.

Kids stand in line at practice and coaches tell them what to do and if that doesn’t work for them they can quit and do something else.

Of course, the fear is that people don’t listen. And if we don’t listen we lose the way we do things and the way things are. How else do we pass on experience, rules, and knowledge?

Odd don’t you think that sports and coaches think the best way to pass on knowledge is to tell you and then for you to go away and apply it.

Every coach who has ever coached has said something at halftime only to put their head in their hands 5 minutes later when the exact opposite of what has been said transpires.

Perhaps it’s time to talk about how we actually learn. Because handing down information using the chain of command works well when there are high stakes, rigorous training, and significant infrastructure. None of which are present in grassroots sports.

Learning to crawl, walk and then run might be a good place to start.

Thanks.

When life is treating us well, and living is good, it’s easy to let it slide. Our mistakes don’t always matter as much.

We have all the feedback we need when life is hard. Mistakes are costly.

If your mistakes only hurt your pride you might just be going soft.

Far better to put yourself on the hook each and every time. That way it’s not about whether you think life is easy or hard. But that you are listening and paying attention.

Brands create stories through the actions they take. People the same. The stretch comes when we get others to create stories for us.

Not our words, not our voice, and now not our story.

We can all make stories up, it’s easy, but the ones we create and own, might just be the best ones.

Some things we can do without. Not only do we not need them, but we are better off without them. Your liver is not one of those things.

Primal living suggests simplicity. A yearning for what apparently worked in years gone past. In the hope that it will shape our future.

Not so.

When you want the past and hope for the future you miss out on the bit in the middle. Your reality.

The reality is that clowns like Liver King were present in the past and will certainly be ever present in the future. You could argue that we could do without them. But, that’s not going to happen, instead, we can focus on the smallest viable step we can take today because that’s actually our reality.

This week the boiler packed in, took my youngest to the doctor, and discovered our mac is too old to run some of the programs I needed to make my life easier at work.

What to do?

My obligation to self was and still is to produce a compelling talk for a coaching mentoring group by the end of the weekend.

Kant would describe that as an “imperfect duty.”

The obligation we have to ourselves is to develop’s one’s talents in the face of a shit storm while not putting our problems on others.