SimonHarlingBlog Posts

Perhaps we fall into the gap between “Play” and “Pro” because we are playing at being a “Pro”?

We say things like “have fun”, “enjoy it” and just “take part” when we mean “win” “don’t embarrass me” and “give me something to boast about”.

We take courses, wear tracksuits, and copy others who look and act like pros.

I’m not sure it’s our fault because we have never experienced being a “Pro” and we just assumed everyone knows how to “Play”.

But maybe it’s time to get serious about “Play” before we worry about turning “Pro” because in the end, the one thing that is consistent throughout the journey of “Play to “Pro” is the growing value we see in what we do.

Otherwise, what’s the point?

Because if you are a “Pro” you know you don’t do it for the money, that’s for people who are playing at being a pro. You do it because of what it has helped you become and how it makes you feel.

The point of being a writer is not to write.

We might see value in writing (task) but it is what we become (skills) and what we experience (environment) that keeps us writing.

My eldest is not too keen on our family veggie nights. On veggie nights it’s a bit of a struggle to get her to eat much at all.

Twice a week our main meals don’t contain meat. No big statement. More a condition I’m keen for us to apply and watch to see where it takes us.

I’ve tried multiple ways to get lentils into our diet. Dhals, soups, curries, and stews. Yesterday it was lentil chili, adapted from this 3 bean chili recipe.

But then towards the end of the meal my daughter declared that she was ready to change her view. It was a mixture of shock and delight. Shocked that we had made a breakthrough and delighted that my daughter was willing to change her mind about something she had been stuck on.

Rather than avoid both our feelings of frustration, anger, or indifference we persisted. Same conditions with a different twist. I accepted that my attempts were not working and my daughter accepted that I would keep trying.

A timely reminder that resignation is not the same as acceptance.

Shit rolls downhill the same way water does. It’s easier that way. Else you have to pump it uphill and that’s time-consuming and more expensive.

The reason the bottom-up, user-centered design is not attractive is simple. It’s slow and expensive, and the problem you thought you were solving might not turn out not to be the problem at all. Iteration, testing, and rapid validation of methods are not for everyone.

The choice appears simple enough. Go with the flow or let friction inform you.

Bottoms up!

Today I moved my youngest daughter’s bed from one room to another. I’ve done it enough times to know what to do.

The other thing I did today was to help put together a physical plan for our kids. Although it’s simple we have done it enough times to know we need instructions. You might them useful too.

Notes:

The kids choose what they want to do. We then curate the information, track it and talk to the kids about filling in any major gaps in the next quarter.

Perhaps you have noticed that this quarter is full of gaps. The kids are doubling down on swimming and our Sunday free play sessions might cover some of the skills not covered in organised activities. Time will tell.

“Abuse of power comes as no surprise.” Jenny Holzer.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed by the many examples that support Holzer’s truism.

But perhaps the biggest surprise of all comes when we have the courage to call ourselves on our own BS.

The power of which will surprise you.

What does it mean:

To be competitive?

To win?

To be successful?

The coach’s problem comes when you focus on imposing your meaning on others and fail to understand it for yourself, rather than the reverse.

Coaching is a serious business. The more seriously we take coaching the more education we buy. It pays to be serious.

And yet most coaches:

Don’t put away hours of their time each day to practice.

Are only interested in what happens at the next game.

Are always busy.

Why?

Because they can’t commit to coaching.

The paradox is that coaches are playing with coaching and yet acting as if they are taking it seriously.

Perhaps it is time to stop taking coaching seriously and learn to play.

The fear for a performer is to step on stage and freeze.

Patricia Ryan Madson, who taught performance art at Standford University took that fear and designed an improv game called “What’s in the box?”

The genius is in its simplicity.

Despite the box being imaginary, of course, when the performer lifts the lid of the imaginary small white box, they always find something. The skit might not be worth much at all.  But the confidence that comes with it is priceless.

Elite sport is based on selection. The best from the best. The rest are not good enough. Or at least not yet.

Like Russian dolls, there are leagues within leagues, echelons stacked one on top of each with its own criteria. Each with its own microcosm of performance, expectation, and status. It works for some people and not so well for others.

But it’s not a design fault, it’s a design feature.

The challenge is not to compromise the edges of competitive sports but to be brave enough to design something different.

The dictionary defines training as the learning of skills you need to do a particular job. Practice is defined as an action rather than thoughts and ideas.

It is worth remembering that it is through practice that we highlight training issues. Everybody who has run a 4-minute mile had to first run a 7-minute mile or maybe an 8-minute mile. You get the idea.

This time of year there will be plenty of talk about the future.

But having a map, a strategic plan or a dream is not as helpful as knowing exactly where you are now.

First things first I loved listening to The Specials.

I loved dancing to their music with my mates.

And I loved how they made me feel.

This week I have been reading Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield.

“If the amateur had empathy for himself, he could look in the mirror and not hate what he sees.

Achieving this compassion is the first powerful step towards moving from being an amateur to being a pro. “

Love Love Love.

It starts with you and it spreads.

All in on a venture suggests that you are confident that the rewards outweigh the risks. You are ready to sell the farm. On the other hand, dipping your toe can indicate a lack of certainty about the outcome.

A high-ticket coach wants only those who are willing to play all in. A desperate coach will take anyone and everyone.

But what if there was a different currency on the table?

Not just a growing sense of control over actions and consequences but an unequivocal, demonstratable, clear shift towards professional practice.

After all, selling the farm might just be another way of avoiding responsibility.

Stanivslaski, an outstanding character actor used three questions to create a character.

Who am I?

What just happened?

What do I want?

The foundational exercise provides an actor with the context of the situation, a motive, and past history.

You don’t need to be an actor to control your own narrative but you do need to ask yourself the right questions.

Resistance comes in many forms but those fears are indicators that you are leaning into the creative process and are simply part of the process.

Besides where else will you learn the empathy required to walk in someone else’s shoes if you have not yet learned to walk in your own?

Coach, what are you working on?

This a question I have been wrestling with since I started writing my book Good Coach Bad Coach. Build a place where you belong.

The theme is leadership and nothing goes into the book that doesn’t help me give a better answer to the questions. Under what conditions do I do my best work?  When am I a good coach and when am I a bad coach?

In the gap between life and purpose, there is space to learn to ask better questions.

5 men in their 50’s who want to lose weight and win at life.

I can’t be sure who started this marketing approach that coaches appear to have adopted but my guess is it was a 50-year-old man who felt like he needed to win at life.

Your first customer is you.

When the point of showing up at an audition is to demonstrate your skill not because you need a job (even if you do) it changes what you do.

When we see a test, not as a ranking tool (even if it is) but as a useful measure of what we know it changes what we see.

We can’t always change the job that we do, but we can change how we do it.

A child who has not experienced and understood what ownership means is unlikely to share since they have little or no understanding of possession.

Last week I spoke to a coach who handed out “punishment exercises” to kids who didn’t listen. A handful of burpees got the kid’s attention for a while at least. Could I offer a suggestion on how to keep kids engaged?

Now you might be wanting me to talk about the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC).

Or how to create engaging coaching environments for kids.

But that might be missing the point.

The coach in this conversation has no voice. She is not involved in planning. Nor asked her opinion.

We can’t teach what we have not experienced and learned for ourselves.

The joint-by-joint approach reminds us that a knee is stable because the hip and ankle are mobile. Mobility provides a platform for stability. The reverse is also true.

The flawed genius. The fierce competitor who can be the nicest person you know off-court. The “YES” after a hundred’s of Nos.

Is that so unnatural?

Classically trained chefs know how to make a Hollandaise sauce. That is not true of all chefs who enter Masterchef. Despite what they make say.

Taken from Old French “chief” the word “chef” means “head” or “leader.”

Professional chefs do the work of understanding how to meet our expectations. And that’s what makes them leaders. Great chefs exceed our expectations and that’s what makes them great.

The rest we should call cooks.

Running your own race, dancing as if no one is watching, doing it because you can.

More than a catchphrase. A meme or a moment to savour.

It is the work of understanding what those terms are.

I’ve learned that writing is the task, not the point.

My characterisation of a loser is someone who hides away from competition for fear of losing their position or does anything they can to win. Either way in my mind you have lost something. An opportunity to gather new information or your dignity.

The punchline is the part of the joke that rewards the setup, it’s the payoff. Most talks I’ve recently attended do the same thing. But that makes no sense to me.

Imagine your talk is about a tool you think others should use. Your punchline is that experts use this tool because they have the experience, flexibility, and presence of mind required to use multiple methods to achieve an outcome. By implication, so should you.

Only you are a novice. Novices require limited choices, direction, and clarity. Not flexibility, multiple choices, and confusion.

When you flip the script and start with the end in mind something magical happens.

“To be an expert you need the experience, flexibility, and presence of mind required to use multiple methods to achieve an outcome. Let me show you how.”

Now it’s clear whose side you are really on.

Research-based coaching methods are rigorous and backed by science.

The alternative is to suggest that coaching is an art form.

When we offer up research we are not on our own. Instead, we are standing on the shoulder of others. And that can feel safe and secure. After all, it’s not our thinking, it’s theirs.

Misunderstanding the creative process of coaching is not our problem, it’s theirs, they simply don’t understand art.

But what if there was a different way?

A way not hidden behind the work of others, or the mystique of individual interpretation, but art for all.

After all not all “experts” are created equally. Knowledge moves on and tastes develop. What if instead of valuing “experts” we valued flexibility? The ability to change our minds based on the feedback we receive and the change we seek.

No longer subservient to research-based methods provided by experts stuck in their ways. Or in awe of obscure coaching methods that seek attention not change. A new model for education based on a new definition.

Coach; A person whose only intention is to create change by modeling a flexible approach to their methods so that others may follow.

The idea is simple enough. Create a list of things that make you happy. Then organise yourself to do as many of them as you can when you can.

Going to see my barber is on my happiness list. Broken sleep. Kids off school and picking up the same bug as your kids is not on the list.

We exchanged stories and ideas, I parted with money and in return, Panni, my barber, made me feel good.

When times are hard it’s tempting to race for the bottom, cut your prices and work with the narrative. But what if you could change the narrative?

Teach your clients the happiness list trick. Remind them to audit it every 90- days, to check in on themselves and what they do. And in doing so you remind yourself of the business you are actually in.

I learned the happiness list trick from the book The Chimp Paradox. It works. Just as slowing down to speed up works too.

You can judge how playful you are at any moment by the reaction you give to a metaphor received.

Most of the time we know metaphors are not true but they can be helpful in teaching, learning, and developing ideas.

Other times, a metaphor feels silly, rude, and unwelcome.

But really is it the metaphor or our current state of mind?

A friend of mine has a very specific set of skills. The trouble with specific skills is not every situation you find yourself in will fit your skill set. Knowing how to dig snow holes is only helpful when you find yourself in Norway in the snow.

When your skill set falls short the temptation is to find the expert. In this case me. Offer up the problem and wait for the solutions. And that’s reasonable.

The problem was how to put on a stone in useful weight. And not the kind of weight Santa will be put on after he’s eaten all the pies this Christmas.

The expert now has two options. Be the smartest person in the room and focus on what they know and what others don’t. Or focus on change.

My suggestion was to create food rules. Write down the things you know. Then test the things you know by applying them to see if they work. Only then will know what you don’t know.

You are probably ahead of me here.

For so many reasons (known and unknown) the hard part is applying what you think you know. But if you care enough you will spend your time working it out.

Here is an example of design thinking that you can use as a template.

The self-published writer, freelance coach, and firestarter all dance with the same 3 things.

Attention. How do you get it? Who is it for? What do you want to do with it?

Interaction. Is what I am doing a good fit? Am I easy to follow? Do I add value?

Growth. Have I got your permission? Is it worth it? Can you commit?

Milking stools are made with 3 legs, not one.

The Lindy effect suggests that the longer you have stuck around the longer you will stick around. The base rate for longevity favours established products, services, and businesses not newcomers.

Base rates allow us to predict outcomes with a greater degree of accuracy.

Kids who enjoy an activity are more likely to stick than those who don’t.

Just don’t confuse the idea of sticking around with increased chances of sporting success, because that’s a base rate that is rarely in your favour.

The Chiles Webster Baston Commission reminds us that the majority of people in low-income neighborhoods don’t regularly take part in physical activity and sports. But this is not news. Simply a reminder.

The reminder is this. People outside of your community are useless at sorting out your problems. So here is an alternative.

Collect people together at a local level to create change at a national level. Create structures that support themselves with little or no funding. And ensure they are self-priming, they pay for themselves.

Please don’t wait because history tells us that people who wear chinos don’t like getting them dirty.

There is your answer.

or

There is your problem.

Sometimes it’s hard to know if the faces in front of you are listening, especially those well-trained in the art of not drawing attention to themselves. For others, it’s clear, you lost them when inanimate objects on their desk begin to take flight.

A focus on attention might be the first step but it’s rarely the point.

If the point is to inspire your audience, trial and error works just fine until you can figure it out. So here is a measure.

On a scale of 1 -5. How inspired do you feel to explore more about this topic because of today’s event?

1. Not at all
2. Maybe
3. Somewhat
4. Definitely
5. Hell yeah

Drawing attention to ourselves is one thing but what we do with it, that’s up to you.

Asking the question. How did we get here? Is an excellent remedy.

“One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” Neil Armstrong.

Neil Armstrong knew his next small step was a giant leap. No series of bounds, long strides, or even the odd strut. Just one small step at a time until they added up to one giant leap.

What’s appropriate when we are learning are small steps, constantly monitored with a willingness to change direction as our understanding of the path that we are on continues to develop.

If you had to sum up your work in 6 words what would they be?

I’m coming to the end of writing my first book Good Coach Bad Coach and I thought it would be fun to boil my book down to 6 words.

“Build a place where you belong. “

Your turn.

“Listen to the guy on the ground.” Pete Blaber

“First seek to understand” Frank Covey

“Get to the beat.” Donella Meadows

When you realise how important context is to create change and how worthless information is without it. A part of you begins to wonder if there might be a better way to get away from the family, work, or the boss than conferences and events.

Asking the question. How did we get here? Is an excellent remedy.

As I loosed off the headset my youngest kept the front wheel of her bike straight by holding it between her knees. It’s simple enough to get the handlebars and the front wheel of your bike aligned when you know how. Only as I moved so did my daughter.

You get the idea.

Busy in problem-solver mode it’s easy to feel frustrated and take over.

The alternative is to switch roles. Take on a new perspective. See what the other has to do to make it work. Be more kind, playful, and approachable.

“Believe in something even if it means sacrificing everything” Nike advert featuring Colin Kaepernick.

But that’s not how it works out most of the time. Most of the time, there is a trade-off, a compromise. Something or someone gives a little to get what they want.

If you are going to make a promise it pays to be clear on the conditions under which your promise will hold. Unless of course, you are clear you will stay the course. But that is very rare indeed.

Focus entirely on the problem. The difficult bit. The part that got your attention and it’s likely that you miss the whole.

I recently created an event and choose 20 as a reasonable number of attendees. The temptation was to spend all my time chasing potential attendees, making promises, and hustling to get the numbers up. After all, the number of bums on seats is easy to measure and a marker for success.

But what if you placed your focus instead of being able to do it again? No bridges burned. Or creating delight in the ones that do turn up?

When we focus on the whole system, not just the tricky bit, we do it for the good of the whole.

It is tempting to think we get back what we put in. No pain no gain. The more you put in the more you get back out. It’s how we sell exercise.

But is it really linear?

Of course not. How can it be? We are complex human beings not a line on a graph.

But when we admit it’s not linear we no longer appear to have all the answers. And we get paid to know the answers. Right?

Now that we have gone full circle.

Why not join me on the 30th Nov for a non linear chat about breathwork.

I don’t know all the answers but I do know some of the questions. 

So let’s take it now. Turn a blind eye. Focus on the opportunity.

After all, who wants to be the one pushing away the desert trolley on the titanic?

But each day we don’t push it away it gets a little easier to do it one more time. Who knows it might not come along again.

And so here we are, having taken one too many deserts, playing football in the land of plenty.

“It’s never what we condemn. It’s what we condone with our silence.”

Kids can very quickly become the big fish in a small pond. First, you split kids up into age groups, then into sports, and finally into technical sport skill levels. And that can look like success.

You can even improve the settings on the filtration system. Tall. Fast. Strong.

But I can also tell you a story about a player who was not fancied in their age group. Not at all. In a room, two out of the six of us present thought the kid was an athlete the rest saw only a technically poor player.

I can tell you the player in question today is not only the highest-ranking player for their country but the highest-ranking player they have had in decades. And also the one they had the least to do with.

Why? Because the system can’t filter for those who are willing to keep going when it’s not going their way. To keep improving every day.

And the saddest thing of all? It’s a skill you can nurture and yet we filter for success and that doesn’t teach it all.

The more you see the less you know.

The less you know the more you see.

You can’t do much about the first one. It might come as a bit of a blow. But, should no longer be a shock.

The second one, you can use to your advantage and learn to ask better questions.

For those curious enough, l will be hosting an online breathwork event on Nov 30th.

Thanks, Tom.

Elon Musk announced this week that workers at Twitter need to get back to long hours at high intensity in the office.

Rocketman, the man seemingly single-handly shaping our future was telling us our future was going to be a slog. Time and space constraints are back. And so, it seems is the notion that we can sustain high-intensity efforts for sustained periods of time.

Futurists concern themselves with the “three P’s and a W” i.e possible, probable, and preferable plus wildcards.

When someone speaks of the future it’s worth asking which one of the three P’s and W they think they are referring to. My guess is Rocketman was talking about what was preferable not about his desire to rewrite the science of bioenergetics.

“You think too much about it”

” I know you like to do things differently (compliment).”

The two comments above were made this week by two good friends in coaching. It is always interesting to know what others say about you.

And for a while, I was tempted to cut the edges off my fitness busking project. Compromise to fit in. Appeal to the 99% who don’t think quite as deeply.

But what about the 1% who do?

1% of all the coaches in the world is still a lot of coaches. And here is my point if you are operating the 1% space:

Do listen to what people say. Know who you are.

Do things differently if it makes you happy

Don’t take advice from people who work at scale.

Don’t act like you are scale either. Big overheads are a bad idea.

Do stay small, adaptable, and ride the long tail.

Do know you can always switch.

“Who is the fairest of them all?”

You are of course!

What experience are you trying to create for yourself?

When the going is easy it’s tempting to take it easy. My youngest has a Khan Academy project that she has planned to finish by Christmas. My daughter’s plan is to knock over two sections a day. Today was an easy day.

I once trained for a mountain race and learned from a friend of mine that you walk the tough bits, run the flat bits, and risk your life (and your quads) on the downhill sections. It’s a lot of fun.

The trap is to compare your uphill pace to when the going is good. But who does that? I can tell you it’s only novices. Anyone who has ever run in the mountains knows to work with the terrain.

To cover ground quickly you first need to be flexible enough to vary your pace.

Dumbing down what you have to say makes it easier for others to follow.

But there is another way.

Making your partner look good is an old improv rule. It’s an invitation to contribute to the possibility of the moment. A focus on what you can do not on what you can’t.

It’s a helpful habit to get into and rarer than you think.

Footage of a 5-year-old child riding their bike on a road is doing the rounds on social media. The point of contention is the oncoming traffic is moving at pace and dangerously close to the child.

We know that the speed of collision in a road traffic accident is a significant contributing factor to serious injury and fatalities.

We also know that in the UK cars and other vehicles are to give way to pedestrians and cyclists. The highway code states “those who can cause the greatest harm have the greatest responsibility to reduce the danger or threat they pose to others.”

Social media gives us a platform for our opinions. And it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that our opinion matters. But without a testable hypothesis, facts, or the self-awareness to state that it is only your opinion is it unlikely that it does.

Irrespective of age, the driver of the car was in the wrong and should not have endangered the life of a cyclist. Fact. Anything else is just your opinion and in this case an indefensibly dangerous one.

A value chain is a process that a product goes through before it reaches a consumer.

As a coach, it is tempting to think all the value is in the delivery. Or perhaps, in the delivery and follow-up support. But that would be ignoring the chain of events prior to delivery.

Improving. Engaging. Designing. Building.

If you want to make more than the delivery person you need to think outside the box.

To make a carrot cake you whisk the wet ingredients of oil, yogurt, eggs, vanilla, and zest together.  Then mix the dry ingredients of flour, sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg with a good pinch of salt in a separate bowl. Before mixing the wet and dry ingredients together with the carrots, raisins, and some nuts.

If you are late to a cookery class it might be tempting to join in where they are, not where you are. But logic tells you to follow the recipe. Without the recipe, you don’t have a cake.

The opposite is true if you turn up late in the field of physical development and training.

Recipe

I can’t chart how much I have enjoyed the creative process of writing. The people I now interact with because of the ideas I have picked up and put down. Or the feeling I get when the graph of my followers on Medium looks like a scale replica of Elon Musk’s wealth tracker.

For those starting on zero. No money. No Talent. Now what?

To the moon!

No hoop to jump through. Or expectation of a thank you. Not even a service to self.

Just because you can.

Yesterday I helped a friend plan their project. The spreadsheet was already up and running, with resources allocated and the upside calculated. There didn’t seem much else to do.

What can you afford to lose? I asked.

Understandably the project was based on what my friend had to gain, not on what she had to lose.

Home runs are nice when they come. But few of us want to stand at the plate swinging at pitches all day. One hour of practice should be enough to tell us if our luck is in. If not switch and move on.

If premiership footballers don’t want to lift weights. When the overwhelming majority of sports science and strength and conditioning practitioners in the English Football Academy setups don’t possess professional accreditation. Is that the choice of the fans, manager, players, board, or practitioner?

It is tempting to think we can each carry the culture of an organisation, team, or collective. But who is the culture for our clients, stakeholders, staff, or the board? And does it depend on who is asking and if they need the culture to fit their situation at the time?

Few consider anything beyond profit, the next game, or keeping the person in front of them happy.

If you think you are carrying a culture it might be worth asking who you are carrying it for.

Nothing says here is how I plan to rationalise my choices like a 2 x 2 grid.

But I’m a sucker for a triangle. I once read that Nasa uses a decision triangle for their rocket design projects.

Is it safe?

Is it a design advancement?

How much does it cost?

Each day I draw a triangle and write out these 3 questions. One at each point.

What can I tolerate?

Who am I being?

What can I create?

Some days one side of the triangle appears longer than the others but the point remains the same. It’s a great day when I work with the choices I make.

Is the act of provoking someone – doing something just to get a reaction.

What if the point of coaching was to provoke someone into leading?

You can’t challenge the direction of travel and be in charge of directing traffic at the same time.

Thinking about training journals, training methods, and client expectations.

To expose hidden interactions, details deemed unimportant, and where the gaps may be. Write it down.

Telepathy is way less effective.

I have long held the belief that the basics done well will trump most other coaching programs that you will see.

And for just as long I have known that selling the basics won’t make you rich or famous.

So it is easy to see why we might think the hard bit is selling the idea of mastering the basics. Or resisting the urge to sell out and say whatever makes the most money.

But what if the hard part is selling the idea that your incompetence is acceptable? In fact, it’s welcomed. 

Now that might seem like a tougher sell than selling the basics done well, but hear me out. 

To come from where we are is courageous. Yes, it’s an acceptance of incompetence. But it is  also a smart move because in the words of psychologist J T MacCurdy “courage is the mother and father of self-confidence.”

When we accept the position we are in, we are not only courageous, but we are also giving ourselves the best chance of success. 

Weakness is not only a strength but also a great place to start.

If you identify as an anarchist it is likely that you believe two things.

1. Power corrupts
2. We are capable of organising ourselves and our communities. Nobody needs to tell us how.

David Graeber suggested that the principles of anarchy are respect and consideration for others. That by listening to what others say, rather than being ruled by one, you are being an anarchist.

One of the key elements of designing any coaching environment is to decide how much chaos you are comfortable with. But it is worth remembering that chaos without purpose is just that, chaos.

Perhaps then an anarchistic coach is one who understands that the reason they got into coaching was not to feel powerful and in control. But rather to be comfortable with chaos in order for others to create their purpose.

Feel free to take the anarchist test here.

Often we think that our first offer should be our best offer. That if at some point we change then we lose face. Or worse still we lose our place. But, that’s unlikely, unless of course staying in line is the most valuable thing you can do.

Here is my theory. I think one of the most important jobs a coach can do is to put down a placeholder. Something to aim at, discuss and develop, but not take so seriously that you can’t change it for a better offer.

Has anyone got a better offer?

Thank you to Lins for adapting this summer activity program and making it her own Halloween activity sheet for Cardiff Free Play.

Why not get involved and post your ideas, pictures, and videos using #freeplay

Coaches understand the creative process and know the map is not the territory. Mentors know the territory better than anyone and have no need for a map.

Distinctions matter.

I’ve met coaches who have been on incredibly inspiring journeys to get where they are now. But, I’m not sure they are coaches. I think they are probably mentors. 

And I know coaches who behave like mentors. They have never achieved what their athletes want to achieve. And yet, they tell them what they want them to do. 

You like to lead and yet you like your own company.

You don’t like being inside but you also don’t like being outside. 

You stand on stage unless, of course, you are watching from the back of the room. 

Working with people can feel complicated. The simplest way to remind yourself might just be to create a simple coaching manifesto for each environment that you are in. Each it’s own layer with its own order.

Just as you move a fulcrum to change leverage. So you can create a coaching manifesto to move your position.

Unless of course, you fixed your position.

The job of a coach is to control the flow of information within the environment. Too much and it is overwhelming. Too little and we miss why we are doing what we are doing.  

It is tempting to say the same thing over and over in the hope the information sticks. But that is not productive. The information is passive, not active.

When considering the coaching environment that you want to create for yourself and others it might be worth considering what would happen when you take your finger off the replay button and just press play instead.

Designing a learning environment is about the level of risk you are willing to accept. Offset against the value (market and social) you can create and the impact you hope to make. 

I wonder how many coaches consider the learning environment they want to create for themselves?

Low-risk behaviours:

Attending conferences led by experts

Working in isolation

Seeking accreditations and qualifications

High-risk behaviours:

Peer group learning

Mentorship

Project-based learning

The athletic kid’s conference is an example of something that is risky but worth it. You can register your interest here.

The problem with using such a broad term is frequently the people you are speaking to don’t consider themselves “guys.”

When you speak to one person, dress for one person, or try to impress one person, other than you. It’s risky, as it’s only one, and it could so easily be none. And yet the moment passes, and the reason too.

Perhaps that’s the point and also the joy.

The world is full of throwaway rubbish. If we are going to throw something away, at least give it some meaning.

Thx Joe

“Why for the love of mustard are there never enough buns?”

It is tempting to think that the dog in the middle is the star of the show. So we focus more on getting a better hotdog. The bun and the whole experience of eating the hotdog are an afterthought.

If you can measure the difference it is worth bringing in a strength coach. And that works until the inevitable point of diminishing returns. Just like a premium hotdog served in a cheap bun, at some point a premium hotdog is no longer enough.

But by this time, it’s too late, the moment has gone.

Long-term athletic development plans are designed to create a whole experience. The temptation is to invest only in the middle. But pick up the plan in the middle and you miss the point.

It is on the industry to have difficult and hard conversations about starting at the start. When the temptation is to pick up the work in the middle and pretend that it is the most important. After all, the point of a coach is to help us with difficult. 

The saying goes that “turnover is vanity and profit is sanity.”

But perhaps it’s time to reconsider our definition of sanity. Because the relentless pursuit of something that in the end does not make us any happier does not sound much like sanity to me.

Whenever I watch coaching videos I’m always interested in the coach’s tic. The last thing you hear before the athlete begins their effort. What’s really on the coach’s mind?

“Remember! Follow the process, enjoy the moment and let’s go and get that win.”

” Don’t forget to breathe.”

“Set yourself up, now engage the core. “

Does anyone really need a reminder about any of these things? Probably not. Do they need to understand how to do them effectively on their own? Probably yes.

Don’t forget to breathe.

If the Conga has taught us anything it is that you don’t have to be the best dancer to get others to dance, you just need to be easy to follow.

Recently my mum had a tough time of it. And it was tempting to pander to her needs. My sister is a neuro physiotherapist and had other ideas.

Part of the deal of being a neuro physiotherapist is that you don’t do anything your client can do for themselves.

And that has got me thinking about my kids.

What can they do?

What would they like to be able to do?

What should they be able to do?

The list should be ever-changing and that’s something I’m looking forward to exploring.

Can you change the tyre on your bike?

A friend of mine recently went on a company outing to develop team spirit. Dinner was in a fancy hotel where the directors were staying. A hotel further down the road housed the others.

We find more meaning in our actions than we do our words,

You like the rules but dislike the situation you find yourself in.

So you jump a red light. Play up to the referee. That crisis is on you.

Stay classy

Because Free Play is led by kids it is likely to involve things they can do or things they would like to do.

The What’s App group for the parents of kids who could go to free play is full of messages about what they can’t do.

Jumping to a conclusion speeds things up. Training content from Instagram. A new coaching plan from Twitter.

We can see it works and provided we follow the instructions we should get the same outcome.

But here is the rub. If you can slow down long enough to answer it.

What has to be true for it to work for you?

Inconsequential is something that is of little importance. We rarely insure against loss for things that are inconsequential. Exactly because they are inconsequential, we don’t fear their loss.

The opposite of inconsequential is consequential. Which means to follow on from something. And we often insure against consequential loss because of the consequences we face as a result of the loss. A house flood for example.

As parents, teachers, and coaches of kids on the sides of sports pitches. What consequences do we think we are protecting ourselves against?

When you focus on the finish line, you keep your eyes on the prize, narrowing your attention. It just might change your perception of how far away the line is. Perhaps encouraging you to move faster toward completion.

The finish line will come into focus when you are ready. But don’t confuse that with thinking you are not yet ready to start.

One step and a time will do it.

This last week I have been lucky enough to talk to two coaches who are doing things differently.

But there is one similarity.

One created their own role, the other their own club, and both created something where once there was nothing.

With success has come the idea of scaling, putting it all in a box, and sending it on its way to create the same change that has gone before.

Some things scale well, but the change only you can make won’t be one of them.

When another large chemical company sponsors another successful cycling team what are we to make of it?

Ineos Grenadiers are there for the win but British Cycling is also there if you just want to take part. At least, that’s the story. And whether we like it or not sponsorship is part of the story of sport.

Sport at its best gives us all the opportunity to create our own stories, write our own headlines, and own our change.

But let’s not forget that sport doesn’t build character it reveals it.

Take the shortcut often enough and the cuts add up. Maybe they add up to another win. Perhaps the cuts add up and in the end, we don’t have enough.

Or just maybe the point was never the shortcut.

Our response to the situation we face might just tell us all we need to know.

What needs to happen before?

What needs to happen after?

The middle is less important than you think, and more frustrating than you can imagine. Much like herding cats, I imagine.

We can’t all be above average. In fact, 50% of us are below average in whatever we are measuring.

The percentage of 6-12 year-olds who play sports on a regular basis is below average. And it’s worse if you come from a poor family.

So here is a hedge bet, an opposite position in a related asset.

A wide-ranging movement vocabulary in a deconstructed environment. The opposite of a narrow movement vocabulary in a structured environment.

Deconstructed because one of the assumptions in free play is that kids can find their own solutions. Largely I’m happy to play along. But, kids by the age of 10 are losing their ability to squat fully to the floor, I suspect through poor breathing patterns. And no amount of free play will bring that back.

The first rule of free play is not to talk about free play. So instead let’s talk about the 3 Ds of free play.

Deconstruct then Design for Development.

If everyone else is doing it and there is safety in numbers how risky can it be?

I mean very little effort for a big return. What’s not to like?

Even if we know we are playing the lottery, everyone else is, so why not you?

But playing a hit-and-miss game of lottery is a risk-seeking strategy. Risky, because it has a very low probability of working out. 

We dare to dream.

Raising active, healthy, and curious kids might feel messy and uncertain. Even unknown. But the odds are in your favour when you compare them to a coach trying to create a sporting superstar.

Perhaps you are hoping to blend in. Maybe you have found the perfect hiding place. Or you are just happy to keep the game moving on.

But there is another way.

And that way is the proposition of possibility. A way of generating and governing the problem space. You might call it a pitch.

Done badly, I’m with you, it is a shot to nothing, a pitch.

But done right it creates meaning, trust, and change. And perhaps that is the point.

Keep painting the same horizontal line on a canvas and soon enough paint will accumulate and begin to drip down. Once a drip begins to roll, it’s not clear how far it will roll.

The metaphor created by Kent Beck describes a generalist who acquires specialised knowledge when required and for as deep as is necessary.

Most coaches are technical specialists who like to paint in vertical lines. Going deep into a skill set on the assumption that it will be necessary.

The problem comes when a specialist needs to generalise. Because the paint runs in a vertical line when it comes to painting a horizontal line there is little or no paint to take across.

Parents, coaches, and teachers when it comes to kids be careful where you put the paint.

Maybe you have a love-hate relationship with your coach. And maybe that’s the point. To explore the edges try this at the end of a session, a workshop, or an event.

I like…..

I wish….

A chance to build on what is working and suggest improvements for what is not.

Change is hard and unreasonable but that doesn’t mean it always has to be that way.

In the gap between converging and diverging ideas lives possibility.

Close the space, crowd out the senses, and soon enough possibility disappears. If we understood sensory and cognitive load would we still act the way we do? I doubt it.

Possibility requires space. A space big enough for ideas to breathe, unfold and take shape.

Like a beating heart, the opening and closing of space bring to life our ideas.

Maybe it is true you have chosen to self-publish. But it is hard to believe.

Much more likely that your writing is not up to scratch. After all, why self-publish when agents who specialise in placing you with a publishing house can maximise your exposure and increase your chances of success?

A team full of specialists will take care of the dull stuff, from typesetting to typos and the optimal positioning.

Let’s face it, years later you will be telling tales of how you could have been a great writer. But you were unlucky, not spotted or you just didn’t want to sell out.

Nobody will believe you if you tell them self-publishing was a long-term plan. A chance to build a readership, interact on a personal level and control future formats of your work. And create the change your book talks about.

I mean who thinks long-term?

Sure you can control the pricing. The finer details of the cover, and even where you sell your work. But, really, you are not good enough to be, what we think of as a successful writer.

You guessed it, this is a metaphor. For the publishing house, think coach and for the author, think parent.

Until we give parents an option that is better than the fear of missing out on success, we can expect more and more parents to fall for the narrative of success even if it is a chance no better than playing the lottery.

You want your idea to develop and blossom to fruition as any parent would.

Your agent wants your idea to sell, just like any agent would.

Ideas like kids don’t come with instructions, but if they did, they would say, handle with care.

“Go for Quantity”

Put plenty of ideas in a room and guess what? You get more. Chopped and changed, mutated, and reformed. Maybe that’s the point but not when you need to make a choice.

“Defer Judgement”

Exactly what you want to hear when you need to change your mind. Not what you want to hear when you need to make a choice.

“Let’s stay focussed”

You might be on task yet you want to focus on the future.

Confusion or clarity is created in the moment. Don’t waste it.

When you stand up for something different compared to the others what you are actually doing is creating a choice.

Create enough choices and it is clear that paths begin to diverge. And that’s interesting because if a company chooses to stand up for the customer, not themselves. At first, not much appears to change. But do it enough times and the gap between what they were and what they have become is unrecognisable.

If you want to be like the rest, compromise.

No question it pays to have skills that pay the bills.

Knowing how to make a coffee

Lifeguarding

Serve a table

Skills that have a market value.

The problem comes when the value of the skills is not clear.

Sure we can teach skills in the hope we find a use for them in the game we are playing.

But perhaps it makes more sense to play the game and only then work to acquire skills that actually help us play a better game.

It’s clear most people like a list. Lists can make us sound clear and decisive, providing us with an illusion of control.

But not everyone likes a list.

Maybe we are avoiding things or worried about control and authoritarianism.

If lists are power, making a list of what you actually control is a good place to start. I’ve made a start for you.

Your time

Your response

How you show up

When we play along we end up in places we don’t belong.

“It is advisable to look up from the tide pool to the stars and then back to the tide pool again”. John Steinbeck

Behind every kid who receives a participation award is a parent who has dragged their kid to practice when they don’t feel like it.

My kids had a lie-in today. I quit coaching football on a Sunday this season, and the kids have no obligations.

I struggled with it for a while, I felt the urge for them to be doing something until I realised that I trust my kids. Day after day, hour after hour, cycling to school whatever the weather, does that.

There is no punchline. Just a point of reflection. Who is it for?

I’ve been thinking about designing a free play space for kids in my local area.

One rule for the coaches and the kids. “I don’t have to do it, I get to do it.”

Everyone is free to play.

I once queried the order in which a famous coach worked. And that was the answer I got.

I never did get the chance to offer a riposte. So here it is. Any idiot can offer a solution.

And maybe that’s the problem.

Few of us slow down long enough to know if our problems are real and our answers helpful.